He pulled out all the stops yesterday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew. difficult child has never done *this* b4 in front of a teacher.
    First of all, he skipped out on after-school tutoring. He's done it b4 and I have fallen for it. This time, I said, no, I'm taking you back to school. His excuse was that the teacher was teaching 7th graders so he would have to go back next week.
    He's 2 mo's behind so that was a no-go. I told him I'd just walk in and tell her he needed help and it didn't matter if there were 7th graders in there. He begged to work on an old Spanish workbook I found at home. It will not change his grade, but it is good practice. I said no.
    He was belligerent and totally noncooperative. I told him I'd meet him in the car.
    He finally showed up in the car, sans shoes. "Doesn't matter. I'm not going in."
    I ran into the house and grabbed his shoes.
    by the way, he had no Spanish notebook and no hardcover and no worksheets.
    We drove up to the school and he told me where to park, because it was closer to the trailer. Hmm. Then as he clomped along, slamming his heels into his shoes as he walked on the sidewalk, he told me to wait. I just don't get this kid; one min he's battling me, the next min, he's telling me to park closer and telling me to wait.
    We go into the trailer and see 3 kids working. I walk up to Mrs. J and smile and tell her immediately that difficult child was confused about the fact that there were 7rh graders in the class. She smiled and waved her arm and said, "Come in."
    difficult child had to sit down ... and he didn't know where to begin. She started him off with an assignment we had done at home but she did not remember him turning in. Good thing, because it was use of the verbs ser and estar, which I still confuse, after 4 yrs of Spanish in HS. :) He was ticked about having to redo it but I told him it was more expedient. I said just to get it over with.
    The next assignment came, and he was agitated because after he said he was leaving, I called husband, who was going to take difficult child for a haircut, and told him about the issues. I also grabbed several printed worksheets from a pile the teacher keeps at the back of the classroom. I was trying to find some missing assignments he could do, or at least, do them myself so I wouldn't be bored silly. I knew that if I left, he'd put his head down and check out.
    So he bugged me and bugged me about the phone call, and bugged the teacher about the assignment.
    We finally got through it, she marked off both in her grade book (I love it when they grade immediately) and then difficult child really lit off. He said, "I shouldn't even be here!" I said "Why not? You're a student."
    "Because you said I could have my game and the cord if I showed up. I did show up. Now you keep adding assignments. The only reason I'm here is because you promised me game time."
    Okay, I can see that, but this was a golden opportunity and I wasn't going to pass it by. I told him that as long as we were there, we would do as much work as possible.
    He used the F-word in front of both of us, and then repeated it, saying, "Frickin." I said "You are acting like a 2-yr-old. Sit down."

    The teacher was clearly clueless in regard to this type of behavior, and told him in her thickly accented, soothing voice, "difficult child, difficult child, please, do it for your mother, for me, for yourself, for God." Or maybe she said not to talk about God like that; not sure. Anyway, he yelled, "I don't care! I'm an atheist!"
    lol. I really had to try hard not to laugh. I mean, he was arguing every little point, regardless of the logic or relevance.

    Then he shouted again, something to the effect, "I shouldn't even be here! I walked all the way home and got sweaty!"
    I said "I do not feel sorry for you. You were supposed to stay here."
    "I got SWEATY. Here, smell my armpits." He lifted up his arm and shoved his armpit in my face, expecting a horrid reaction. I sniffed and said, "Hmm, wonderful. Now sit down and do that workbook page."
    "I want my game."
    The teacher waved her finger back and forth. "No game. No game, mama, not when he treats you like that."
    okay, okay ...

    Then the bell rang, signalling the end of after school activities and the boarding of the activity bus. difficult child got really anxious and said we had to go. Nope. "I've got my car. We can stay as long as we have to." He really ramped up, then. He burst into tears and said, "You never wanted me anyway! I have proof."
    Say what? "difficult child, if I didn't want you, would I have driven you all the way back to school and had you do this homework so you could keep up?"
    That's not what he wanted to hear, but I was trying to keep the subject on topic and not have it evolve into a psychiatric session.

    by the way, one of the sentences for ser was "Mi madre es ..." and you're supposed to put in a permanent description. So he said, "Blanco." (He's black, mixed race.)
    Not sure if that was a dig. The teacher and I exchanged glances, the teacher said, "Fine. But it's blanca. She's female."
    Then he couldn't come up with-estar, temporary descriptions, so the teacher suggested, "Yo soy cansado." (Good catch; he was clearly tired and overwhelmed.) He finished that, and then she gave him the third worksheet. He merely had to write es or esta for 10 sentences which were already written with-blank spaces. He got 7 wrong. She made him redo it 3X until he only got 2 wrong. Ea time, she explained it.
    This is the best I've ever seen her, by the way. She gave it her all.

    Finally, difficult child got a second wind and we gave him the assignment to do a full hard cover book of word definitions on flashcards, and prepare for two quizzes today, which he flunked two wks ago. I told him he could go home and eat and take a break, and finish the work. ALL tonight. He took a picture of the page with-his cell phone. Very clever. I would have preferred he stop by his locker to p/u his textbook.
    He was ticked.
    Ta-da! husband showed up in the room (the 7th graders finished earlier) and introduced himself. That helped difficult child change his state a little.

    I stayed home for 1-1/2 hrs helping difficult child, who had said I hated him and didn't want him and he didn't want me, but jeez, he sure needed my help with-homework, lol! I was very late for a poetry reading and treated myself to 2 glasses of wine, pita bites, and a huge easy child of veggie quiche. (And while he was working in the kitchen, I whipped up a poem based on a news headline, which was our monthly challenge. :) )

    Gosh, I'm tired today. difficult child promised to apologize to the teacher and told me to check my email to see when she sent a response about the apology. :)
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2012
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :you_go_girl:I bet YOU were tired and overwhelmed after all of that!!! I don't know if I could have stayed calm that long. WOW!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH MY WORD! Yeah, I can picture myself in that situation so easily. AMAZING how we didn't want them yet every stupid second of every stupid day is difficult child world. Only thing missing for me was his spitting huge nasty loogies on me and the teacher and/or throwing things with maybe a shove or arm punch along the way. What does it say about my standards if I think he did a great job since no one got hurt??? (kidding, sort of)

    You did an amazing job. This is one lucky and blessed kid. I know we love them unconditionally but we sure dont have to like or enjoy the experience sometimes.
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Ugh. How you manage to stay clam. I have to remind myself constantly not to engage her. It is hard. You are great!! And, my difficult child did the same you didn't even want me also. And, like Buddy said, it is difficult child world around here. Silly.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo... just a different perspective, here, but... there's NO WAY my difficult child would be able to handle after-school tutoring at all... by 3:00, he's DONE. Burned out. Even WITH the interventions and accommodations now in place that he should have had years ago. We dropped the foreign language requirement back in elementary... and used that class period for in-school tutoring on the other subjects, so he doesn't need to do this after school...
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Terry, at least you have kept your sense of humour (very important :))
    Your post puts me in mind of all my unreconstructed hippy desires for children to learn to read and write and then be let loose to do whatever takes their fancy for the next 10 years or so! I'm actually being serious but since the world is very firmly not in agreement with me I've kind of shut up about it and decided since I can't beat 'em I have to (kind of) join 'em. But, I must tell you, I am NOT looking forward to such battles in future....
  7. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Way To Go Terry ! After all that my armpits would have been dripping with sweat and I would have made him smell them !! LOL
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    I know that he was overextended, but you know what? I didn't care. He'd strung us along for wks and it was time to take a stand.
    by the way, in the car on the way home, husband told difficult child that he was within an inch of losing his phone if he didn't shape up.
    We all know what happens when the phone goes away ...
    I suspect that's why he did the flash cards. Which he will have to finish this wk, because the picture he took with-his ph was so tiny you could only read the bottom of the page. He's GOT to bring his book home.
    I think a nap sounds like a great idea right now ... :)
    by the way, I took a 3 mi walk this a.m. It is GORGEOUS outside today! I love daffodils and hyacinths. Especically the smell of hyacinths.