He told easy child daughter he has a girlfriend

[mstang67chic]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: meowbunny</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I agree that your daughter needed to know dad was dating, but I'm not convinced she needed to know he had a "girl friend." This is a man who will go through women like a kid goes through Halloween candy.
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I think it's good that she knows and I agree that you should let her know that you also know. As for his recent track record, I don't think it will take easy child long to figure that out. Actually, it could bite him in the bum if easy child shows up one day and asks where girlfriend A is when girlfriend B is standing there.

 

[PonyGirl]

I think it's good the slimeball told easy child he's dating. OH! Ooops! Did I say slimeball out loud?! Sorry about that. :smirk:

Karen, I was the one who ultimately filed for divorce. And I gotta tell ya, it kinda felt good being "The Petitioner" somehow gave me power. I dunno. Might be different terms in your state. Here in Wisconsin, it's Petitioner vs. Respondent. Respondent just sounds a bit wussy, dontcha think? :laugh:

Anyhoo....I also saved the $75. fee, and served DEX myself! Yeah, I'm bad, I'm nationwide...
:smile: :dance: :smile:

Peace

 

[susiestar]

Karen,

Please talk with your counsellor about what you want to say to your daughter. My husband's parents divorced when he was in college. He came home for Christmas his second year and they told him before he even unpacked. His mom tried to get him alone to tell him but his dad insisted on being there. Mom wanted to turn him against Dad, dad wanted to be sure husband was OK.

To this very day my husband does not know why the parents he thought were devoted to each other divorced. It has caused problems in our marriage. For the first 10 years he thought I would leave every time we got in a fight (often it was actually one of the 1st signs I was preggo! LOL!! I am a MEAN pregnant lady!) He truly kept waiting for me to just pack up and go with "I just want to be myself" as the only reason.

I have always told him I waited to marry until I found the man I could be myself. That there is no need to go anywhere to be me. I am me everywhere I go.

husband still HURTS over this. So does his sister. We actually live about an hour away from his mom and haven't seen her in 7 or 8 years. I have a box of Christmas presents for her, but we are not allowed to go to her house. She said she already had a grandchild and she didn't need or want any more. Witch.

Talk to your daughter in a few weeks or months, when you are ready. Give her a concrete reason at some point in time. This will help her with relationships for a long time.

You are doing a great job not badmouthing the ratmustard. I would have a hard time. Your posts show a lot of growth. Maybe printing them out to keep in a folder so when you are in doubt you can read them and see your progress would be a good idea?

Hugs,

Susie

 

[KFld]

Her and I had a good talk last night. I simply said to her, I know daddy told you yesterday when you went out to lunch that he has a girlfriend, and she said, yeah and I think it's pathetic. I didn't reply to that comment, but I said I just wanted you to know that I know about it and I don't want you to ever feel you have to keep things from me or that you are betraying me if you meet her or anything. I told her I don't ever want her to feel she has to lie to me about where she is going and then I told her that I wanted to be honest and let her know that I'm not happy about it, but that I'm going to be o.k. She said to me, you know he's only seeing her so he can get over you. Again I didn't reply. Then she said he told her it's nothing serious, he's taking it slow.

Then she told me about how her bff and her mother just moved into their apartment because her parents are getting divorced, and easy child was really annoyed with her mother because she was asking easy child if her father is paying child support and all these questions about our seperation. She told her we aren't even divorced yet and that she wouldn't know any of that because it's none of her business and we don't discuss these things with her. She said she's really mad because her bff's mom is turning her against her father and saying all kinds of negative stuff and she told her that we don't do that to her. She said she's glad that neither one of us say anything negative to her about the other and that if daddy is happy with a girlfriend, that's fine, because she can tell I'm happy with what I'm doing right now and being alone for awhile. She said she told bff's mom that I go out with friends and keep myself busy all the time and that I'm not just sitting home feeling sorry for myself.

Sounds like she's handling this well and I'm very proud of her. She's a great kid.

 

[busywend]

:crying: That made my eyes water up. She is such a good kid! You certainly have a blessing in her!

What a great person to be around at a time like this!

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow. Excellent!
Continued open communication and strength with-easy child.

 

[KFld]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: busywend</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> :crying: That made my eyes water up. She is such a good kid! You certainly have a blessing in her!

What a great person to be around at a time like this!

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I honestly don't know how I would be doing this without her. I thought about that the other night and wondered if I would be as o.k. about moving into this apartment if I had to do it on my own, and I don't know if I would have been able to do it.

 

[KFld]

By the way, I was thinking of another response I will give her if need be if I don't want her to know I'm hurting, or her father is hurting, but I also don't want her to think this is being taken lightly. I think a good response is to tell her that she will never really know how we are feeling about any of this, because it isn't for us to discuss with her, as she obviously understands because she's passing that advice along to her bff.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Karen, this not only speaks volumes about what a great, well adjusted daughter you have, it says an awful lot about her upbringing. Good for her for being so solid and steady. And aren't YOU the lucky one, who gets to enjoy her at this period in her life!

My mommy heart just smiled for you.

 

[Star*]

Well if HE is NOT saying anything negative to your daughter about you then that is surprisingly good.

K, could you ask your therapist if she would mind one time maybe if your daughter came and sat in with both of you so if she did have any questions she would be in an atmosphere where her questions could be answered and kept confidential?

Just a thought - our therapist did this with us and it worked great as an introduction to get difficult child to open up to him and help him.

Thinking maybe there are a few things in her BFF's life that she doesn't understand but maybe would answer some of her questions??

Star

 

[KFld]

I know my therapist would let her come anytime, but according to easy child she does not need nor want to go. I really believe she is fine. I think she understands that BFF's mother is treating her more like her bestfriend then her daughter and telling her every sorted detail of her and her fathers problems, and easy child knows that is wrong and would not want me doing that to her.

I really feel comfortable with where she is at with all of this, but I will keep my eyes and ears open to any changes.

 

[busywend]

Karen, there could be a difference of time as well in BFFs situation.

You knew you were ready. The affair was the straw.

Maybe BFFs mom and dad had a sudden split with no sign or warning?

Could be completely different for BFF and for the mom. Not that I think mom telling her daughter all the detail is right, just could be tougher to keep it all in if it was a shock.

 

[KFld]

Actually they were getting divorced about 6 times in the last 6 years that she has been friends with her. Very unhealthy relationship between husband and kids. easy child sees that and recognizes it.

 

[susiestar]

It sounds like you have raised an intelligent and well grounded child. A true credit to the parenting job both you and husband are doing. My mommy heart smiled to hear this.

I am glad to hear he is not saying bad things about you to her. This is a huge big good thing. We are trying to educate my bro about this with his 4yo daughter.

She is a great kid, you are a great mom. What else can I say??

Susie