Headaches, job, driving, school...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Aug 29, 2011.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Wow...difficult child got his drivers License last February. In May he totalled the car. In July we got him another cheap..cheap car.
    within two weeks he got a speeding ticket.

    Last May he also got a job, but it is 15 miles away (one way). He seemed to like it at first, but now says he doesn't like it, and doesn't like the drive. Says nobody appreciates his hard work (welcome to the working world!!!!)

    difficult child suffers from headaches on a daily basis. (I also do, but not as severe any more)
    He does have Tylenol #3 for the bad ones. Not much though. I think he gets 10 pills every six months.
    His doctor and mine have referred us to "the headache clinic". He had his appointment last week. He saw the headache specialist, dietician, psychologist and physical therapist. He had to keep a food diary the week prior to his appointment....this is how it went:

    get up about 2pm. Moutain Dew...cookie. shower, work. Break time at work=Taco Bell. More soda.
    Come home - more soda or gatorade..sit on computer until 2 or 3am.

    Now I DID tell the doctor that I DO cook meals, he either is working or gone at that time.
    When school starts this in three days he will be on more of a normal schedule.

    Doctor wants a current MRI (last one about 7 years ago)
    Doctor wants a current EEG (last one about 5 years ago)

    Also physical therapy for posture and neck.

    I don't want that. I have suffered with headaches all of my life. I have had all those tests. All normal. difficult child has had those long ago, all normal. easy child suffered from headaches, but those have subsided about age 20.

    He goes to physical therapy 3x's a week, starting last week. Tomorrow is senior portraits. Wednesday is MRI, Thursday school starts.

    Senior portraits are so much different now a days. Different outfits, different poses. I just want ONE with a suit and tie for my wall. But it seems suit and tie is out of the question.

    He is 16 years old and will turn 17 in mid December, and graduate a month later. Yes...done in January. YAY. He has always hated school with a passion. I hated school because of all the trouble it has always been. He has counted down the days for years. And now he only has one semester and done. Never opens a book. Doesn't do homework (very, very bright...homework not for him???!!!!) But now talks of college. WHAT???? He doesn't open a book, doesn't do homework and he wants to go to college?

    With his headaches and his anxiety (bad anxiety) and him being a fresh 17 year old...I just don't feel it is a good idea.
    He wants to atleast take a class second semester at the college or cummunity college. ??? I don't get it. Will he actually do work?
    Will it be a waste of money?

    Not a good time. Gave easy child money towards their wedding. husband's job is ending in a few months (company relocating far, far away)...We just don't have the money. He checked into financial aid, but must be a full time student for that.
    What do you do?

    I am terrified of him driving. I made him take a drivers safety class to earn 3 points. In our state if you accumulate 12 points you lose your license. With probationary license(first 3 years) points are double AFTER your first offense.
    2 points for accident. 4 point speeding = 10 points. If he so much as looks the wrong way it is suspended. Taking that class took away 3 points.
    He goes to court for the speeding ticket on September 8th. Hoping to reduce the points. Grrrr. And he thinks he is the best driver. Like a car just jumped out for him to hit last May. (he hit a parked car, that just pulled over and parked. People were in it and were hurt. It was an SUV and he hit it so hard it had to be towed. Never even hit the brakes. Was Preoccupied)

    Are headaches like difficult child suffers from something other difficult child's suffer from?
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Whew. A lot to take in.

    Headaches. I just started noticing that DD1 gets a headache whenever she has an emotional episode. She's only 10, and they just started, and so far not intense enough to get herself calmed down. BUT all that sugar and caffeine your difficult child ingests could definitely be a contributing factor.

    From personal experience, a class or two at community college might be a good thing. If for nothing else, to prove to himself that he's not ready yet. Does he even know what he wants to study? If not maybe he should pay his own way. If/when he gets serious, and you and husband were planning on helping with school, then you offer up those funds.

    I was a borderline difficult child, and even tried to tell my Dad I did NOT want to go to college. I had a full time job lined up and did not feel ready to tackle school. I was ready to tackle the partying, but thought I showed "maturity" by expressing my concerns. Dad insisted I go, and when I came home with a 1.15 GPA, he agreed not to force me back. I went back to school nights, about 4 years later.

    Anyway, my story is almost the exact opposite of your difficult child, but the point is that he has to learn himself that he's not ready. Who knows, he might surprise you, and if he's taken loans out, and actually finishes school, If it was part of the initial plan, you can help him pay off the loans.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think a class or two at the community college would be a good thing for difficult child. He can take something different from the usual high school curriculum that might capture his interest, and having to be serious about school will be eye-opening, one way or the other. Nobody cares if you don't follow through in college; they'll just give you an F and life goes on.

    I also wouldn't worry about him being so young. I started taking classes at the community college the summer between my junior and senior years of HS. I was only 16, graduated from HS at 17 and went back to community college that summer.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Front-line for headaches is self care. If he's not willing for that - there won't be much the "system" can do for him.
    He needs (well, we all need, but if you have headaches its even more important)...
    - a rock-solid sleep schedule. To bed at the same time, up at the same time, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year... well, ok, there are exceptions: but in NO case can exceptions be two days in a row, or more than twice in a week... and in no case can bedtime or wake-time be out from "normal schedule" by more than 90 minutes. Lack of quality sleep is a primary trigger for headaches.
    - a rock-solid meal schedule. Yes, you MUST eat a real, nutritious, balanced breakfast. At least 4 food groups. Every single day. Plus a real lunch and a real supper - and you can have 3 snacks between those if you want, but it has to be relatively healthy... For example, dry-roasted peanuts might be high in salt, but they are also high in food value... gummi-bears are out. Blood-sugar imbalances are another primary trigger for headaches.
    - enough to drink (non-alcoholic!!!!!) - being dehydrated is another primary trigger for headaches.

    See the pattern? Headaches are the body's way of telling you there is a problem.

    Having said all that... we have migraines in our house, and even with all of the above, it doesn't solve the problem. So... if he's done step one and its still a problem, then self care moves to:
    - find your triggers. Common ones are: chocolate, OJ, caffeine, barometric pressure... there's a whole list out there.
    - Switch pain-killers - OTC "Motrin" gelcaps are the most effective front-line pain killer for migraines. T2s and T3s can make migraines worse.