headed for a 4th DUI it seems

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by antsmom, Jul 21, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    well last night I was sleeping....how many times have I started a post that way? answer...too many

    the phone rings at 3AM and it is Danielle, she said to call her, ant is in trouble. she tells me the story and I tell her to get to bed and get some sleep. I go back to bed. I do not sleep for two hours thinking this story over but I do finally sleep. this morning I go to ant's place and knock on the door. no answer. a bit ago ant calls and verifies the story danielle told me:

    he was out with a girl, she got too drunk to drive, so he drove (no license and three DUIs under his belt, and on probation). of course, he gets pulled over by the cops. he runs, they catch him because he is so drunk he cant stand. he gets tazered. they take him to the police station. his BA is 2.8 (he has been in three diff county jails- this is a new county) for some unknown reason, they let him get a ride home and let him go.

    he is now wondering what charges will be filed and says he will kill himself rather than go to jail. then he hung up on me.

    I called him back and told him when he screws up he cannot call and hang up on me. I told him we are all sick of his lifestyle and his son is too old to visit in jail. I will not visit in jail, nor will Kaleb. I told him he has to stop all this and killing himself is not the answer. I told him he should be sick of drinking himself to death. he said he is going out to buy a gun to kill himself. he hung up.

    I dont believe that. I would think the cops will come by with a list of charges to his place. if they wanted to arrest him they would have done so then. I dont get it. oh well.
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

  3. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Ants mom....when will they ever learn. Hugs to you. My heartaches. My oldest easy child starts driving in September...I don't know how I am going to do it...sigh....
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm sorry. From what you have said, I'm sure this isn't a total surprise but it still has to hurt.

    Hopefully, he'll come up with some other solution than suicide.

    I wish you the best. If anyone can come through this with their head held high, it is you.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You are handling it perfectly. You know that he has to hit bottom before he will get help.

    Hugs and prayers.
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I looked up DUI law for PA. with his BAC and driving with a suspended license, he can get a heft fine and jail time for sure, not to mention he is on probation.

    I am going to get him at his place and get keys to his apratment, his ATM card and prepare for whatever is next.
  7. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    oh I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you must feel. My d/h is an alcoholic and I am terrified of my sons taking that path. Prayers to you and your family
  8. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    The counties obviously aren't communicating or they would have put him in jail already....who knows what will happen? Sorry you have to be dragged into this....the effects of alcohol are everlasting it seems....
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Guess you saw that easy child/difficult child is back in jail. He, too, was drunk
    and the police did NOT file any charges but took him to jail three weeks ago to "sleep it off". I told him...I bet you get a
    VOP. He said "Nah!" Weeks passed, including his monthly visit
    with his PO. I finally conceded he must be right. NOT! Last
    night he was a passenger in a car with no booze or drugs. The
    cop checked ID's and WHAM there was a VOP warrant. He'll be in
    for at least two weeks if not more. It's a darn shame that Ant
    can't "get it" yet. It's a darn shame that easy child/difficult child can't seem to
    "get it" either. Thank heavens you and I have graduated from the
    Detachment courses. I don't even feel nauseus. Hope you don't
    either, my friend. DDD
  10. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    Oh no! I'm so sorry about this. I know how hard it was for everyone - especially you - when you went through the really tough time a few years ago - doesn't seem like Ant has been out very long. I don't get it either - can't believe they didn't charge him when they had him. That is strange.

    {{{hugs}}} to you.
  11. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Janet, its good to be prepared, sad that we know how to prepare.
    I am very confused as to why they would let him go in the first place? IF there were going to be a list of charges then why wouldnt they keep him in the first place. awfully risky letting him go dont ya think? Alot to wonder about. If it were going to be real badk they would have kept him.

  12. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    They didn't take him to jail? Did I read that correctly?

  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    they alcohol tested him and let him get a ride home. I do believe charges will follow once they sort it out. I had himclear out his bank acct and give it to me as well as call the utilities etc and add me as a person who can shut off service if need be. his rent is paid til end of month.

    I had him give me any valuables in case. he would not stay with me and walked home from boyfriend's house where I am. he has a bout a mile to walk. he is very depressed and wants to die, said he cannot live thru jail again. his eyes are swollen from crying. I wanted him to stay with me but he would not.
  14. blb

    blb New Member

    Geez Janet,

    I'm really surprised with this being his fourth time that they didn't keep him in lockup until his arraignment.

    Sorry it sounds like a replay of Groundhog Day for Ant :frown: I know I've been away, but is there any chance that he would try getting a psychiatric evaluation where he was honest with the doctor, and maybe then could try medications instead of his self medicating with booze? Or would he just sell whatever medications he got?
  15. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Oh Janet, not again!

    I just want to send you a big big hug.

    Love, Esther
  16. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Janet, Can Ant recall what they said when they let him go? Did they give him a court date? did they say they would be charging him or did they just say make a phone call and go home? I am having a hard time believing that they had him there in custody, ran his alcohol level and then just let him go?? It really doesnt make sense, what is there to sort out that they couldnt get with a 10 second run of his social security number? Thats all it would take, they wouldnt have to go looking for him.

    See if he can recount the evening and what was said to him and see if he can remember something. Maybe that was it, maybe they just let him go.

    Maybe he had a higher power on his side that night and somekind of devine intervention happened.

    I dont want Ant back in Jail, I know with treatment and possibly some medications he will do better on the outside working with boyfriend and learning from his mistakes, he is an awfully slow learner but nonetheless I can see that he is learning.

    Hang in there, your a good Mom.

  17. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Janet- Sending you a big hug. Is there a possibility that nothing will come of this? I'm so sorry.-Alyssa
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    It just never seems to stop, does it!

    I can't understand either why they let him go. You are smart to be prepared though because I have a feeling that it will all catch up with him. It's more than likely a case of one county not knowing what happened in another county - I could see something like that happening here too.

    Sending lots of (((hugs))) as you contend with this still again!

  19. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    He just doesn't get it. Jail time will do nothing to stop the his cycle of destructive behavior - it hasn't in the past. Somehow he has to learn self-accountability and get off the booze for life (are there such thing as court mandated programs for young adults like Ant?). If all the time he has spent in jail and the incentive of getting clean for his son hasn't done it, I don't know what the answer is. His BAL was so high, in a way it's fortunate he was pulled and didn't continue on to do some unthinkable damage.

    I'm sorry you are forced on this merry-go-round again. He's hit the bottom before and you have always been right there pushing and giving him a leg up. I hope he stays safe. Stay strong Janet - stay resolved.

  20. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member