Heading to Residential Treatment Center (RTC)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hamsterwheel, Jan 26, 2010.

  1. hamsterwheel

    hamsterwheel New Member

    It is done. I have been forced into a corner. difficult child is on her way to residential tomorrow or Thursday. I have been considering this for a while now, but after last weeks' incidents. I have no choice.

    After several escalations, I was instructed by the "emergency support services" that I should contact the police. Only to have them come and ask me why I continue to call them, as they can do nothing to help us. Then the following questions ensue. When will she be going to residential, how long will she be there, a couple of days, a few weeks?

    Here's the kicker, I should consider my self lucky because they could press charges on us but it would accomplish nothing so they don't see it as productive. In other words. Hurry up

    This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Harder than surviving her very violent and increasingly frequent outbursts. I feel like someone literally ripped my heart out.

    As many have pointed out, if she had a physical ailment, we wouldn't hesitate to get treatment, but why does this feel so much more difficult?

    I've been sitting here trying to figure out what I am going to do with my time. After so many years of putting out constant fires, I'm not sure I know how to function as the "average human" My brain is telling me what I need to do, but I can't seem to muster the energy or want to make it happen.

    easy child who is starting to not be such a easy child is graduating high school this year, husband is slowly coming out of hiding but not fast enough for my liking and I feel like I am just moving, not functioning.

    Fortunately, difficult child is very excited about beginning the program. She can't wait to get away and so perfectly put, start new.

    I truly hope that this is a new start for the whole family. I hope difficult child does want to improve her quality of life and ours. I am tired of being a hostage to the chaos, emotional outbursts and inevitable phone calls. Hopefully better days ahead.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm glad that you were able to get her into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    What do you ask the police to do when they come?
  3. hamsterwheel

    hamsterwheel New Member

    In the past, she would still be escalated and violent, and usually end up in the emergency room. Recently, the last 2 calls in 10 days, by the time they get here, she's sitting crying.

    But more or less it was basically, we can't continue to do this. We respond because it's our job, but there is nothing we can do. Ironically, I live down the street from the police department and usually they are here in a matter of mins. The last 2 times, it took them nearly 20
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Although I have not walked in your shoes I do remember how terribly hard it was to send easy child/difficult child away to substance abuse treatment centers. I knew it was the right thing to do but in addition to triggering a flood of tears it also changed the balance of our household and everyone had to fall back and regroup. on the other hand, it is great that difficult child is eager to go, as many of the CD family members have had very reluctant placements to cope with, adding more emotional components. I'm sending warm thoughts that this decision brings rewards to everyone in the family. Good luck. DDD
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    After finally getting one tweedle or the other in residential treatment it would take me a matter of weeks to relax - to not be in constant crisis mode.

    I expect you & your husband will find the same feelings. During the first weeks, demand time for yourselves at home to regroup. You will need it. You may be asked to participate in family therapy - I again would ask residential to start working on life skills with difficult child before that begins. Otherwise, it is a waste of time & energy. (This all depends on the length of time your difficult child will be there - the average stay for kt or wm was 9 months.)

    This is the time to find YOU, your relationship with your husband & your other child. Your difficult child is in a safe environment & getting her needs met; time for your needs to be met.

    Keep us updated on how things are going for you & for difficult child.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is perfectly normal for you to miss that vacuum of chaos that living with a difficult child brings into our world. It is almost like we get addicted to that chaos. Our adrenalin is always on high alert and we never truly relax with a difficult child or two in our mix.

    When that is gone for any period of time, it is like...what, where is the chaos, where is the drama...self, help! I need action, I need chaos...do something, make something go badly. This is when you need to find calming techniques. Do something just for you that will help you find your center. Do something with husband that will help you refocus on your family without the kids.

    Hope this is a time of healing. Good luck.
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Laura, my son has been in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) since the end of August. Honestly, it was the most painful decision my husband and I have ever made as parents, but we have never second-guessed our decison. J is making steady progress, and we are optimistic about his prognosis for the first time in years.

    You and your family will get through this and be the stronger for it. Hang in there.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have the most difficult parenting jobs! We have to make decisions that literally break our hearts - but it is in the best interest of our difficult children.

    Think of it this way: how do you think she will feel as an adult to know how she made her family live? I think that feeling would overwhelm an adult - you know once they actually understand what they did put the family through. So, consider this an investment in her future emotional well being. It is the safest for your family.

    But - major BIG HUGS for your hurting mommy heart!!!!
  9. BeyondWeary

    BeyondWeary New Member

    Hello HamsterWheel - My difficult child has been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for over a month, and I am so relieved now. When he was admitted, it felt like the moment when you know you are going to be in a car accident and your mind goes in slow motion while the events around you are happening so fast. It was the pinnacle of the "crisis" for me. Suddenly I was telling strangers so many difficult things about my son. Finally, I was doing something about the PROBLEM that haunted our home.

    It was humbling, but at the same time I finally felt empowered instead of constantly reacting to the angry and unbalanced boy that I not so long ago craddled in my arms as an infant.

    SIGH - With this forum I finally have someone to talk to. I mean, how can I talk to anyone else about this! Who would understand? Who would still be willing to be around my son? Who would still let their child play with mine? It seems to carry a large stigma. Maybe that is part of your feelings.

    Have you visited the facility and made an assessment as to whether it is well-managed, etc. When I saw that our Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is clean, new, has very caring people and wonderful doctors that don't believe in over-medicating, I was very relieved. I think my son is in good hands. I do hope and pray that yours is too.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I just wanted to send many hugs and much strength your way.

    I know how hard it is to send your child away from your care and love to strangers. It feels as if they have been ripped out of your life and heart and there is a definite grieving process to it all.

    You know you are doing the right thing & the best thing for her, so just get her there, and then process the emotions once she is stabilized. We are all here to listen, and we all understand.