heading to school

[EStephens]

Ok so difficult child and middle kid easy child started back school. It has been tons of ups and downs. difficult child has chewed through at least 4 pencils and almost eaten a bag of mints. (he chews when he is nervous and 1 teacher has mints to hand him if she thinks he is nervous)

Our huge problem and the reason I am writing is that difficult child will be happy and joking around right before we head to school and at school he is fine, but the 15 minute car ride to school is absolutely h e double hockey sticks. He fights, argues, berates, and squalls about how I don't love him and I don't even want him.
I refuse to fight with him and I will not try 1,000,000 times to prove to him I love him. When he is not in manic mode he reminds me that I have told him that regardless of what he does he can not stop my love for him, so I know he knows I love him.
Any suggestions on how to make this easier? His idea is to play his ds all the way to school. So far I have said no to that. Ideas please

 

[alongfortheride]

DS sounds like a good idea, especially if he had a good day at school the previous day.

 

[TeDo]

DS is a GREAT way to help keep the focus away from his anxiety. Some sort of a music player with headphones is also a good thing. difficult child 1 has used either and our rule is that he has to hand whatever it is to me before he gets out of the car. We have never had an issue and that is also one thing I will never take away as a punishment. It is just way too important for transitions.

 

[StressedM0mma]

I think the DS is a good idea. Esp. if the ride is not too long. It will take his mind off of the anxiety and make him focus on something else. I hope it works for you.

 

[aeroeng]

I also like the DS idea, but it has to have rules. Like based on behavior and homework status, and a procedure. You get it when ....., you can ..... and it must be handed back ..... The rules must be spelled out and talked about prior the first use, and you need to hear his concerns and address them fairly. Develop the rules and procedure together.

 

[TerryJ2]

Um, is a Ds a handheld game or music?
I'd probably negotiate that if he's polite and nice for the first two blocks (signal light, whatever) that he can play it the rest of the way to school.
Will he give it back to you once he gets out of the car?

I know what you mean about those car rides. I've had plenty of those with-my difficult child. I usually pull over if he gets really bad. I just think to myself, "Five more min., 5 more min.," and it seems like the longest 5 min. of my life.

 

[EStephens]

The only problem with the ds (which is a hand held Nintendo game system) is that he "can't save in the middle of a battle". We did try it this
morning I had to park and pull him out of the car and he was all upset because he was winning and I ruined it all. Yea!!!
I'm thinking maybe he could play collapse or chaos on his iPod because they both have pause buttons.

 

[lovelyboy]

I also allow my son to play on iPad, or anything....But yes....choose the games right!
Sometimes we also listen to nice upbeat music! If his " engin " is low, I choose an upbeat song....when he is anxious, I choose a more relaxed song....well sometimes a heavy rock beat also helps!