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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 661807" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>JKF,</p><p></p><p>I"m glad Seeking answered you...I sometimes confused your sons stories, so it feels right that she can chime in and empathize.</p><p></p><p>I can empathize too. My own heart lurched in my throat when I read what you wrote, because I so clearly remember my son's desperation, and his heartbreaking disbelief when I wouldn't post bail.</p><p></p><p>That was three imprisonments ago.</p><p></p><p>This time he pleaded even harder, and for more days, because this time he is in the hoosegow for several months at least.</p><p></p><p>One night he called and told me he'd been raped.</p><p></p><p>You know what? I don't believe him. I think he made that up, coldheartedly, believing that that would be the thing that would upset me so much that I would do anything to get him out of there.</p><p></p><p>I didn't believe him.</p><p></p><p>In fact, it hardened my resolve. His cries for help didn't land on my heart any more.</p><p></p><p>And you know what else? He's been in that prison for 4 months now. He never mentions his claim of rape. We talk for 5 minutes most days...I send him books from time to time, and recently sent him 30 dollars on his commissary to buy a radio...he listens to the baseball games. It feels fine. But I very clearly remember the feeling of falling into a deep well when that sound of fear in my son's voice came over the phone.</p><p></p><p>It'll be OK, JKF. It will be as it must be. You have done so very very well. </p><p></p><p>I've been ashamed of my son too. And I may well be again. I've wondered about the generosity of my love for my younger boys in contrast to Difficult Child...and then I remember playing air guitar with him in the living room, and all the basketball games together...we had full season tickets for heaven's sake. I loved him and love him still. I know you do too.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 661807, member: 17269"] JKF, I"m glad Seeking answered you...I sometimes confused your sons stories, so it feels right that she can chime in and empathize. I can empathize too. My own heart lurched in my throat when I read what you wrote, because I so clearly remember my son's desperation, and his heartbreaking disbelief when I wouldn't post bail. That was three imprisonments ago. This time he pleaded even harder, and for more days, because this time he is in the hoosegow for several months at least. One night he called and told me he'd been raped. You know what? I don't believe him. I think he made that up, coldheartedly, believing that that would be the thing that would upset me so much that I would do anything to get him out of there. I didn't believe him. In fact, it hardened my resolve. His cries for help didn't land on my heart any more. And you know what else? He's been in that prison for 4 months now. He never mentions his claim of rape. We talk for 5 minutes most days...I send him books from time to time, and recently sent him 30 dollars on his commissary to buy a radio...he listens to the baseball games. It feels fine. But I very clearly remember the feeling of falling into a deep well when that sound of fear in my son's voice came over the phone. It'll be OK, JKF. It will be as it must be. You have done so very very well. I've been ashamed of my son too. And I may well be again. I've wondered about the generosity of my love for my younger boys in contrast to Difficult Child...and then I remember playing air guitar with him in the living room, and all the basketball games together...we had full season tickets for heaven's sake. I loved him and love him still. I know you do too. Hugs to you, Echo [/QUOTE]
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