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heartsick over grandchildren
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 579337" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Skittles. Yes, grandkids do complicate all of it, I can completely understand your dilemma. No easy answers, that's for sure. My heart goes out to you having to even be in the situation you're in. At some point, you really will need to make strong boundaries, or you're right, your life will be about taking care of all of these little kids. Babies having babies. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>Well, from one grammy to another, here's my unsolicited advice, get yourself as much support as you can. Find a good therapist. Find a group for grandparents. Get really good at saying NO. Grandparents parenting again is an epidemic now, so there are books and resources for you to get support. Figure out just how much you are willing to do and what you are NOT willing to do, make a plan and stick with it. Take care of you and your husband and your other son and put yourself FIRST. Get <u><em><strong>your </strong></em></u>needs met, do nurturing things for yourself. Have fun. Don't let your difficult child and his girlfriend and the babies take up all of your time and energy. I know it's hard, believe me, but you deserve to start winding down and having the life you want. They will overrun you with their needs and desires so set those boundaries and make sure you know what your needs and desires are, because you know what, YOURS are more important. Don't enable your son's girlfriend, she will stop having babies when you stop taking care of them. Get lots of support, really, that's the way to learn how to get ourselves out of these binds our adult kids put us in, it's so hard to detach and yet we have to find ways to allow them to be responsible for their own actions. Keep posting, it helps a lot. We're here. You're not alone..........Lots of hugs to you..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 579337, member: 13542"] Hi Skittles. Yes, grandkids do complicate all of it, I can completely understand your dilemma. No easy answers, that's for sure. My heart goes out to you having to even be in the situation you're in. At some point, you really will need to make strong boundaries, or you're right, your life will be about taking care of all of these little kids. Babies having babies. Sigh. Well, from one grammy to another, here's my unsolicited advice, get yourself as much support as you can. Find a good therapist. Find a group for grandparents. Get really good at saying NO. Grandparents parenting again is an epidemic now, so there are books and resources for you to get support. Figure out just how much you are willing to do and what you are NOT willing to do, make a plan and stick with it. Take care of you and your husband and your other son and put yourself FIRST. Get [U][I][B]your [/B][/I][/U]needs met, do nurturing things for yourself. Have fun. Don't let your difficult child and his girlfriend and the babies take up all of your time and energy. I know it's hard, believe me, but you deserve to start winding down and having the life you want. They will overrun you with their needs and desires so set those boundaries and make sure you know what your needs and desires are, because you know what, YOURS are more important. Don't enable your son's girlfriend, she will stop having babies when you stop taking care of them. Get lots of support, really, that's the way to learn how to get ourselves out of these binds our adult kids put us in, it's so hard to detach and yet we have to find ways to allow them to be responsible for their own actions. Keep posting, it helps a lot. We're here. You're not alone..........Lots of hugs to you.............. [/QUOTE]
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