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heartsick over grandchildren
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 579368" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Hello again Skittles, Your life sounds out of control. Actually that isn't the right way to put it. Your life is being controled by your difficult child and his girlfriend. I can totally understand your concern for your grandkids. It really stinks that they are being raised in such a neglectful home. </p><p></p><p>You say that <u><strong>IF</strong></u> she has another child you will tell CPS you are out of the picture and they need to step back in. But I am going to suggest that you not wait till then. If you stop doing the everyday things mom will either have to do them herself or will fail and be put back into the system. It stinks that there is no premptive controls within the system and that the kids reap the fallout but that is the way it is set up. CPS only can act when the kids are being neglected. If they can find someone they can put all the responsibility on that is reliable that is what they wll do and then witdraw services. The only way they will come back in is if yu stop doing what you are doing and the mother fails to pick up the responsibilities. </p><p></p><p>When CPS steps back in then tell them that you want <em><u>only</u></em> to be a grandma and not a caregiver. Tell them that you are willing to take the children on outings and how often and for how long tell them what other things you are willing to do but keep them down to your minimum. </p><p></p><p>I know many grandmas that have been put in your situation. One gained custody of three of her grands and is raising them up. She is exhausted and her husband will never be able to retire but the kids are doing well. The others take care of the kids partime and seem to be happier because they still have time to live their own life. I think you are in a situation where you need to really think about what you want and need in all this and then set clearly defined boundries and maintain them. It won't be easy but if you don't your difficult child and his girlfriend will run you into the ground. I am so very sorry for your pain and worry. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 579368, member: 2315"] Hello again Skittles, Your life sounds out of control. Actually that isn't the right way to put it. Your life is being controled by your difficult child and his girlfriend. I can totally understand your concern for your grandkids. It really stinks that they are being raised in such a neglectful home. You say that [U][B]IF[/B][/U] she has another child you will tell CPS you are out of the picture and they need to step back in. But I am going to suggest that you not wait till then. If you stop doing the everyday things mom will either have to do them herself or will fail and be put back into the system. It stinks that there is no premptive controls within the system and that the kids reap the fallout but that is the way it is set up. CPS only can act when the kids are being neglected. If they can find someone they can put all the responsibility on that is reliable that is what they wll do and then witdraw services. The only way they will come back in is if yu stop doing what you are doing and the mother fails to pick up the responsibilities. When CPS steps back in then tell them that you want [I][U]only[/U][/I] to be a grandma and not a caregiver. Tell them that you are willing to take the children on outings and how often and for how long tell them what other things you are willing to do but keep them down to your minimum. I know many grandmas that have been put in your situation. One gained custody of three of her grands and is raising them up. She is exhausted and her husband will never be able to retire but the kids are doing well. The others take care of the kids partime and seem to be happier because they still have time to live their own life. I think you are in a situation where you need to really think about what you want and need in all this and then set clearly defined boundries and maintain them. It won't be easy but if you don't your difficult child and his girlfriend will run you into the ground. I am so very sorry for your pain and worry. -RM [/QUOTE]
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