Held hostage at school; 50 minute Rage

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by VidQueen, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    I've apparently been kidding myself. I've posted a few times here saying that my difficult child's Rage incidents were going away. I'm pretty sure they've been getting worse over the past few weeks.
    I picked up my daughter (difficult child), I'll call her Tay, from Kindergarten. We then walked over to my easy child's daycare, I'll call her Ren. Tay wanted to read a book to Ren's class (we do that on occassion). I told her we couldn't do it today, but we could probably schedule that with Ren's teachers for tomorrow. The resistance began. She angrily ran away from me and into Ren's class, closing the door behind her. I could see Tay through the window in the door, surrounded by curious 3 year olds, blocking my way in. After a few minutes of trying to get in the door, Ren's teacher came over and tried to pry Tay away from the door, but to no avail. Another teacher came by and let me into the classroom through another door. Tay saw me come in and bolted out the first door. A teacher in the hallway caught her. Tay started screaming. It took myself and two other teachers 20 minutes to get her to calm down. After an emotional breakdown on my part, I just wanted to get out of there. I somehow coaxed Tay out of the building; still angry; still threatening everything and everyone with every step she took. We got into our van. The short drive home was horrible. Tay was kicking my seat and screaming at the top of her lungs; Ren was terrified and crying. Tay was saying things like, "Everybody is mean but me!" "Nobody is beautiful!" "I hate everyone!" When we got home I carried her, kicking and screaming to her room. I locked the door (we have the handles turned outward). I took a few minutes to sit with Ren and calm her down; she was very frightened. I went back into Tay's room and quietly sat on the floor. She just stared at me. Slowly, she got up off the floor and carefully, deliberately wrecked her room. Throwing books, dolls and shoes. Striped her bed bare. Knocked over her lamp. I just sat there sobbing. Eventually she stopped. Started crying. Came over and sat in my lap. We sat there on the floor, hugging and crying for at least five minutes. She asked me, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I told her, "Because I don't know how to help you".

    My husband and I had a long conversation over dinner (girls were playing with a neighbor). Tay's rages seem to have been getting worse over the past few weeks. She just started Kindergarten. Her swim classes have been on a break. Basically, her activity level has dropped quite a bit lately. I asked her if she played as much in Kindergarten as she did in preschool and she quickly answered, "No. We mostly sit at our tables."

    For those of you with similar behavior problems, has anyone mapped sugar intake and activity levels with rage incidents?

    I really need to get a handle on this while she's still young. Any help would be appreciated.

  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Jen! With Miss KT, it wasn't the sugar so much as the caramel coloring in many things, brown sodas specifically come to mind. Have you considered starting Tay in another activity to keep her active till swimming starts up again? Miss KT needed to be busy or things didn't go well.

    Others will be along with more suggestions. Try to stay strong!
  3. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry! I know exactly what you are experienceing. I have been in exactly that position. Something that helped for a period of time was to make my son's room a safe place. By this I mean, we removed everything that could be thrown, kicked, or destroyed. In his room was a mattress on the floor with a sheet, blanket and pillow. His doors were removed from his closet and the door to the room was also taken off. (I never trusted my difficult child behind a locked door because I worried about the windows and because he has a history of banging his head and flailing.)

    In the car, child locks are a must. Your difficult child should not be able to get out of the door before you open it. (Yes, I know a determined difficult child can go over the seat and out the front door, or out through the back hatch, but this takes more time and effort and gives you more of a chance to be ready for it). For a period of time, my difficult child was not allowed to sit in the seat behind me because of the kicking. He sat on the opposite side. I also took his shoes off and placed them in the front with me and made sure there were not other things that could be reached. If he undid his seat belt, I pulled over and refused to drive. Also we made it clear why unsafe car behavior was a danger to everyone and would not be tolerated. If he had an unsafe car incident, he spent the rest of the day in his room, no exceptions.

    Survival tips like the ones above make getting through the day with an explosive child more doable BUT they won't prevent the behaviors. A thorough evaluation such as neuropsychologist testing is a must to get to the bottom of why your daughter acts this way. Getting a working diagnosis will help not just in determining if a medication may be helpful but also with the type of behavioral therapy and techniques that will be most helpful for your daughter. Consider contacting a local children's hospital about testing. This type of behavior is more that ODD.

    Good luck in getting answers and the help you need for your daughter.
  4. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I know how you feel. My difficult child did the same things in Kindergarten. She was kicked out of 6 or 7 day cares in 3 years.

    I watched my difficult child's sugar intake but that really didn't seem to be what was causing it. She raged whether she had it or not.

    If she tears her room up that often I would suggest stripping the room bare. My difficult child had to earn her things back with good behavior.

  5. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    Thank you for the advice.

    I have to bite the bullet and get her evaluated. I've just never heard anyone talk about this stuff coming and going the way it did with my difficult child. When she was 2 and 3 the rages were daily, many times a day. For the past year or so I saw episodes like this once, maybe twice a month. Now we're back to daily.

    I've checked out the links on this website and others for many of the other disorders, but she doesn't have even 1/4 the markers for any of the other disorders; except ODD...every single one of them. She's very social, makes friends easliy, doesn't have need for ordering things, can start and finish a task without getting distracted, had no language delays, doesn't seem to be depressed (quite the happy child if she's not angry)....I don't know.

    I'm going to call our local mental health center today.:( I have this sinking feeling that after four years of this I'm only at the very beginning of our journey.

    Thanks for your support everyone. Jen
  6. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    If you haven't read the Explosive Child, find a copy quick. It has helped lots of parents on this board deal with their child's rages. If she has just started school, she may be experiencing a lot of frustration in a new routine. My difficult child can hold things together for the most part at school, but usually experiences rage at home. She just blows her lid from holding it in all day and the most idiotic situation can set her off. (I cut a piece of steak too small)

    You must be able to keep your younger child safe. I would guess to say something else is going on with your difficult child that causes the meltdowns. Her behavior in your daughter's preschool goes way beyond just being frustrated because she couldn't read to the class. Welcome to the board and I hope you get a neuropschological assessment for her. Early interventions are going to be the best in the long run.

    Perhaps keeping a diary of what sets her off, her reaction, how long it lasts, etc can keep you clued in to what sets her off. Document her behaviors, how much sleep she gets, anything you can think of to help with an assessment. Good luck to you and sorry you had to find us this way.
  7. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Forgot to mention activity level. Physical activity is crucial to my daughter's mental wellness. She is ADHD and need constant body movement. So, she is in cheerleading, dance, swims, rides horses and sings.

    If your daughter has undergone a reduction in activity, get her moving. It can definitely reduce the volatility of her moods. :D
  8. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    Ok, actually laughed at this! How many times has something so insignificant set my daughter off?! Yes. Yep; that's her alright!

    Her activity level is almost at zero right now. Other than recess. Her swim classes start up again next week, two times a week. I will take her today to sign up for gymnastics.

    I called our Children's Development Center today....six months waiting to get an evaluation (sigh). Gonna be a long six months.

    The diary is a great idea...I was actually hoping this site might have a place for us "warriors" to blog. That might help us as well as others.

    I haven't read The Explosive child yet, but I've read "From Defiance to Cooperation" cover to cover at least four times. Another one I want to get is Parent Management Training by Alan Kazdin. It's supposed to be specifically for ODD.

    Since I have to wait 6 months for an official evaluation, I've already researched every other disorder out there; my difficult child just doesn't seem to have enough of the markers for any of them. ODD? Every single one. My husband is a Type 1 Diabetic, we even tested difficult child's sugar levels last night; normal.

    I think I'm going to spend a lot of time in the forum over the next six months!!

    Thank you all for the support....you are invaluable:bigsmile:
  9. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Check out the Feingold diet. The biggie with that one is no artificial food dye. My daughter can have some sugar (I try to keep it natural, away from the high fructoce corn syrup, but even that doesn't totally set her off). We dont' feed her milk, low fat milk and apple juice have a preservative in them that can trigger things. She gets rice milk, but does eat cheese and yogurt. Your local library might have some of the books on this, but I know there isn't a list readily available online that I could find. I had a copy of an article from Mothering magazine that listed all the dos and don'Tourette's Syndrome that I was using for a while.

    My daughter is an ovo-lacto-pesco vegitarian on her own, we also give her the Nordic Natural fish oil capsules which has really helped her brain. We're lucky to be in an area that makes it easy to eat good food, organic, sustainably farmed, vegitarian, etc and I'm hoping her eating well makes her not so horrible. I can't imagine how bad she'd be on a bad diet.

    Start off cutting out the low fat milk (whole milk is fine), apple juice (it's blended in a ton of other juices) and the food dye and see where that gets you. You have to read labels, but you'll get used to what is fine and what is not. If you shop at Whole Foods you can get anything because they don't allow foods with food dye.
  10. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    Wow. It would be really great if there was something to that. My difficult child lives on apple juice. I was getting "light" apple juice, hoping it was a sugar problem. I've never tracked food dye, but I may start now;)

    Thanks for the info! I bought some Chocolate Soy Milk for her yesterday and she loved it. I may start going that route and see where it goes. I know that my difficult child doesn't get enough protein. She's mostly vegetarian, but won't eat peanut butter or legumes. Cheese and yogurt is pretty much her only protein source.

    Thanks again, for the wonderful support!
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You might look at some of hte protein powders if that is a problem. I know my kids (and me too) are healthier and happier if we get enough protein. And the more sugar you eat, the more protein you need to offset it.

    I do find that artificial food color and preservatives cause as many problems as anything else, and WAY more problems than sugar. Choc soy milk is usually quite high in sugar. Take a look at the ingredients and the nutritional breakdown. I was quite surprised. The kid version of the soymilk is even HIGHER in sugar and calories.

    If choc milk is desired, you can sweeten your own and use a fraction of the sugar that the ready-made flavored milk/soymilk drinks have. If you use unsweetened cocoa and sugar to make choc milk (or soymilk) then you get a real boost from the positive chemicals in the cocoa too.

    One "diet" that we found very helpful was the Zone diet. Not so much because we stick to it strictly, but because it gave some very helpful meal ideas and guidelines. It suggests a 40-30-30 ratio of fat-carb-protein. It is amazing how much better your mind works when you follow this guideline. We did see improvement in the kids with it too.

    And if you combine it with no artif colorings or preservatives or sweeteners, it really can make an impact. If the kids like food that is colored, you can use a variety of natural foods to color things. Blueberries, blackberries and raspberries are all great at coloring other foods.

    Black beans will turn things purple also. (sometimes we have purple rice - I add dried black beans to the water and it makes what my kids think is a fun color. )
  12. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to stop by on your other thread to say hello and offer my thoughts on your situation.

    First, I congratulate you for adopting such positive parenting techniques to use with your difficult child. I know it's not easy, but it can make a difference -- at least some of the time.;)

    Second, I happen to side with those who believe that ODD rarely travels alone, largely because I've lived it with my three children. We definitely found that when the underlying condition fueling the oppositional behaviors was identified and treated with appropriate interventions (medications, therapy, school acommodations/services), the behaviors significantly subsided. Having that evaluation, in my opinion, is the key to unlocking what's going on with your difficult child. While I know it's frustrating to have to wait for six months, it's not uncommon with competent evaluators.

    Third, I strongly believe there are already some important clues to why your difficult child is behaving the way she is. You say her oppositional behaviors improved when your ex moved out of your house. Your difficult child could very well have been experiencing a form of anxiety called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the abuse, especially if it was not treated at the time. Now that you're remarried and another man is in the house, your difficult child's anxiety could be resurfacing. Furthermore, the transition to kindergarten can be a very stressful time for any anxious kid, even if she's attended preschool, because the expectations are so much greater. It's not surprising that she's falling apart and having frequent meltdowns.

    Anxiety in a child looks very different from anxiety in an adult. I know because my younger daughter M has severe anxiety, and she presents very much the way you describe. She had daily raging that has been improving with vigorous treatment.

    We're not doctors and can't diagnosis over the internet, but I wanted to offer another perspective to the ODD-alone theory. I hope you will keep an open mind and consider all the possibilities. From what you describe, I strongly suspect something is fueling your difficult child's ODD behavior.

    Good luck.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have to second smallmom. I am on board not believing that ODD exists alone. Alcoholism and depression in the family are red flags for certain disorders, especially mood disorders and, yes, kids can have them. So I hope you do decide to get a neuropsychologist evaluation. They are the best, most intensive ones and they can save kid's lives. Good luck. I won't post about this again as, if you really do believe it's only ODD, there is nothing anyone can say to change your mind :) Take care.
  14. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    No,no...on the contrary; I have been actively searching for what it could be attached to. Anything that she might even have half of the markers for. Nothing. Not even one disorder that she even comes close to having even half of the markers for.

    I will be getting her evaluated. Its just a guessing game on my part until I do.

    On a side note; difficult child had a fabulous day today. No issues what so ever (other than a hard drop off at kindergarten, but that wasn't rage, just sadness at having to go to school).
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Vid, this is my opinion. Have her evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Reading symptoms and lists on pages doesn't work. They are misleading and it really takes an expert to decipher what is going on. NeuroPsychs really do a good job. They tested my son for ten hours. Not only do they uncover disorders, but they pick up things like executive function problems, Learning Disability (LD) problems, and other quirky neurological issues that pediatricians, therapists and even regular Psychiatrists can and do miss. There are no real lists that guarantee a child has or does not have a disorder because every single child manifests a disorder a different way. I know it's hard to hav a child evaluated...I've been there. But it's so much better than guessing. When a child has over-the-top behaviors, the child as well as you are suffering. I think the most compassionate solution is to search out the best, most intensive help possible and bravely face the unknown. It can take YEARS to figure out what is wrong, so it's best to start early, and to get very aggressive interventions which can help our kids for life. It just is very rare, if ever, that ODD stands by itself. We have only one chatter here whose child has never been diagnosed with anything other than ODD. IF it were me, I'd take her in and have the whole nine yards. And I'd do it again in two years, just like you take a child in for a physical check up every so often. The problems do not just disappear, but they can be helped and the ODD symptoms can disappear (yes, actually disappear) with the right interventions. Waiting and hoping things get better usually doesn't work. I hope you decide to do get a neuropsychologist evaluation, but if you don't, I'm still with ya and I wish you good luck.
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    VidQueen, you've had some good advice so far. You've also got your own good sense of direction.

    Now, to summarise it all (and add my own ideas):

    1) Evaluation. A neuropsychologist if you can.

    2) "Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. For an advance idea of the book, check out the sticky on Early Childhood. What you describe, i the apparently minor triggers and extreme results- it fits that book. That's not to say that other books aren't also useful - but THIS book has helped a lot of us, while we're still waiting for more specific stuff coming out of a diagnosis. It's a different way of coping, a different way of disciplining. And for us at least, I found it much easier.

    3) Diary. I don't recommend blogging online - first, it's not private enough. What if you're cheesed off with a doctor or a teacher, you need to feel free to vent without fear that they might see your blog and get upset with you. Also, you need to avoid flamers. However, if you 'blog' to a text file on your computer (and don't forget to do back-ups) then it can be a really useful diary option. You could begin with copying your posts here to a text file.

    4) Communication Book. You can do this in conjunction with a diary. What it is, is a small exercise book with a protective cover that travels in your child's bag to and from school. You write in it, the teacher writes in it. The sort of things you write are the things you would tell the teacher if you had the chance to talk for a few minutes before each school day begins. The teacher writes the sort of things he/she would tell you, at a quick chat after school. Together the information can be very helpful in surprising ways.
    Example: All week the teacher had written in difficult child 3's diary that each day had been very difficult, more than usual, with difficult child 3 being more disruptive, raging more and not working as well. He was particularly bad after lunch. Meanwhile I had written that I had noticed difficult child 3 sleeping a lot more - he would go to bed earlier and was actually sleeping past his usual rising time. So the problem wasn't lack of sleep. Then on Thursday difficult child 3's behaviour improved - he was quieter, there were no rages, but he still wasn't getting much work done. At home he was still sleeping a lot more than usual. Friday - a good day, I was told. But at sports afternoon difficult child 3 said he was tired and didn't want to participate. He came home from school and came to sit next to me, resting his head on my shoulder - that is when I felt his skin and he was very hot. I took his temperature and he had a fever of 39.5C (103F). This pattern was later repeated and we learned - when difficult child 3 is GETTING sick, his behaviour gets bad. When he IS sick, his behaviour is suspiciously good. We can now anticipate - when difficult child 3's behaviour is much worse PLUS he is over-sleeping, then we keep a close eye on his temperature and pull back on his social interaction until he is stable again.
    If we hadn't been using the Communication Book, we might not have made that connection for another few years, if then.

    5) Your daughter could well have ODD but undoubtedly has something else that is contributing to it. Treat the underlying problem plus find a different way to deal with the tantrums and you can begin to turn things around.

    6) Don't try to use force, or insist, when she is raging. You need to find another way, because she can exert more force than you can. If not now, then soon. So don't get into that habit, and find a way to get what YOU want from her, in a way that she thinks is her choice also. It can be done. Again - read "Explosive Child".

    7) Work towards natural consequences. For example with the rage where she destroyed her bedroom - apart from making it safe, do not fix up her room. Leave it. Maybe help her re-make her bed, but otherwise - remove everything trashed and anything at risk of being trashed. If she complains about this - well, who trashed the room? If she wants her blankets and sheets back then yes, she can have them if she asks nicely and apologises for removing them, but she has to put them back on herself (help her if she needs it and as long as she continues to be cooperative about it). If she gets rude or bossy about the bedding, quietly walk away. SHE needs YOUR help. SHE must ask YOU to help. It is a difficult lesson, so go carefully in case she isn't up to it yet.

    8) Part of the previous point - STAY CALM. STAY QUIET. Do not shout at her, do not swear at her, always stay calm. This is not easy. And it doesn't mean you have to let her run the place - not at all. But she DOES need to make her own choices, as long as they are safe choices. She has to own not only her choices, but the consequences. Avoid blame - stick with consequences.

    That should do for a start. It's not easy. It's highly unlikely to be your fault, although sometimes your behaviour could be aggravating it unwittingly (I speak from experience). It can be fixed, or at least made more manageable.

    Keep us posted on how you get on. Oh boy, do we understand!

    Last edited: Sep 12, 2008
  17. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    On the waiting list:( I honestly don't know if it's for a neuropsychologist; it's for the only Early Childhood Disorder clinic we have in NW Arkansas (I'm pretty sure I saw another chatter from Little Rock; we have a branch up here for the Schmeiding Development Center.)

    I meant to go and buy that one yesterday, along with Parent Management Training. Will do today!

    I hadn't thought about that:( I'm at my computer all day (I work at home, I own a website) so typing is more convenient for me than writing in an actual book. I will take your advice and "blog" in my own Word Document. Thank you for that advice.

    This is a fantastic idea! I have been in commuciation with my daugter's Kindergarten teacher and, luckily, found out that the level of opposition she sees isn't even close to mine. She does see it, but it doesn't turn into rage for her. I will definatly recommend the communication book to her and see what she thinks.


    This, along with your last point about parent's behaviors contributing to the opposition, I already learned the hard way. When Tay was 2 and 3 (before I had even heard of ODD) we were at our wits end, forcing her to cooperate, yelling at her, enforcing harsh punishments. It didn't take long before we figured out we were actually making it worse. I sat down with Tay and told her that I was making the "Mommy Monster" go away. And I did. I haven't yelled or screamed at my girls in over two years.
    To this point I would also like to add Respect. I have a neighbor with a 14 year old boy (easy child) who is very disrespectful. My neighbor complains to me all the time that he is rude to her. But when I hear her talk to him; it's very rude and disrespectful. One of my favorite poems of all time is Children Learn What They Live. So true.

    Yep. Did exactly that. She knew she would have to clean it up herself; I've never cleaned up after a rage fit. I did help make the beds; she's not quite old enough to do that.

    Thank you, thank you, Thank you...for taking the time to share your wisdom and experience.
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm glad you mentioned respect - it is the key, I think. From my perspective of a parent of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child, we've learnt that you have to model the behaviour you want them to use. So whatever we do or say to him, he gives back. And it works that way for teachers, too - when he had just started school he "knocked heads" with a teacher who used sarcasm on him. She had been told about him, she had been asked to moderate her voice around him and to be aware that sudden loud noises were a problem for him. But this woman - never would accept that she didn't know everything. So she just didn't give it a second thought when she rang a handbell very loud, right behind difficult child 3. He turned round and shouted at her, "EXCUUUUSE ME!!"
    She was a bit taken aback at this little Kindergarten kid being so rude (in front of other students) and because it was so public she couldn't risk losing face in front of other kids, so she immediately responded witheringly with, "No, you're supposed to excuse me!"
    Any other kid would have shrivelled with shame or embarrassment, but by this point difficult child 3 had turned his back on her and stalked off.

    Another kid, another teacher, another time - a possible Aspie, a gifted kid who was also very anxious and very shy in a crowd. He and difficult child 1 had 'clicked', which also tells me he was likely to be an Aspie - they seem to find each other, they recognise kindred spirits.
    It was the class Christmas party, difficult child 1 was in Year 1 and this boy was his best friend and classmate. I was there because I'd brought along some party food for them, difficult child 1 was at that time on a special diet.
    I saw this boy sitting quietly on the steps while the other kids were all playing a game nearby. I asked the teacher if the boy was alright; she replied witheringly, "Oh, he's just attention-seeking. Claims he feels sick - it's funny how he always says he feels sick just to get out of having to join in."
    Just then the boy threw up all over the steps. The teacher rushed over and began to fuss about the mess he had made, and sent another student off for a bucket of water and some sawdust. I happened to be standing quite close - the other kids had all moved back to get away from the scene, so I was the only other person to hear the boy mutter to the teacher, "I told you I was sick."

    She had disrespected him, so he was speaking to her with the same disdain she had shown him.

    Some parents feel that when their child shows respect to them, then they will show respect to the child. But it doesn't work that way, it's the opposite, as you have observed.

    A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid can't learn social skills in the same way as other kids. They need to learn a different way. We shouldn't expect them to learn appropriate behaviour if they have no suitable models (including us). Another interesting observation - these kids also tend to be far more egalitarian than people realise (or can accept). We teach our children that all men are equal, but we never actually say, "except that adults are to be respected by you; but they do not have to show the same respect TO you."
    Therefore when we (or another adult) disrespects a child, or treats the child in some offhand way, and that child then does or says the same thing back to them - oh no, that is unacceptable.

    This is something that difficult child 3 still has issues with. We cannot make ONE mistake here, we must ALWAYS show him respect even if we think he is not respecting us. We make ONE mistake, and he not only resents it, but he will not accept that he might have also shown disrespect. Because if anyone shows ANY disrespect to him, it 'breaks the rules' in his mind, and then it's back to square one for him and his treatment of that person. He will quickly lose respect for anyone he feels has disrespected him.

    It's ironic - he has to work really hard on respect. But he won't accept that sometimes other people have to, as well. As a result, anyone who has difficulty with this, is going to continue to have difficulty with his responses to them.

    We just had yet another of these blow-ups tonight, right on bedtime. Sometimes you feel you have to be superhuman and super-perfect, to be a successful parent of a difficult child.


  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Marg has good advice and I'd like to chime in. I was told, and have also found out, that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids think of themselves pretty much as your equal. It's how they think. If you try to change their thinking...you really can't. But that doesn't mean they don't act respectful. My son does. We were taught to always give him a logical reason for why he has to do something. "Because I said so" works for my "typical" daughter, but NOT for my Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) son. He needs to know exactly WHY. Even if I want him to join the family for an event, he usually prefers to stay home. To get him to go, I say, "If you don't go, I'll miss you. I know you don't want to go, but it will be really sad for me if you're not there." Some people think Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids have no empathy, but my son does. In fact, he's very caring and sweet. If I tell him he should go because I'll miss him if he doesn't, he will always give in. But if I just say, "Because you have to, it's a family event, everyone has to be there..." He'll want to know WHY everyone has to. And not telling him won't "teach him a lesson" because he is wired differently. My son is very compliant when I appeal to his logic. That is something he really understands. Remember, now, we are talking about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, and your child still has no diagnosis. Hope you're seeing a neuropsychologist. That ten hours of my son being tested was the best ten hours we ever spent. Everyone was trying to treat him behaviorally or with tons of medications and that is NOT what he needed.
  20. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    I can definately see my daugher in your son's description. The problem that I tend to run into is she's only 5 years old and I tend to use too many complicated words to explain things to her. She responds very well when I explain WHY things are a certain way, I just have to learn how to communicate to a 5 year old better. I have always been a "language" person; big on proper grammer, spelling and vocabulary. Unfortunately, this means I have a reallly hard time not using big, complicated words when talking to my 5 year old!
    I'll keep working it! From the improvement I've seen in her in the past, I really think the more I change myself the better she gets:D