Hello again

[vligrl]

I know it's been awhile. Taking one day at a time. My son is still living at home and has been working at a landscaping job that he seems to like. Had the usual ups and downs but nothing dramatic. He is on academic probation from the Community College he attended this year. Just didn't try. Swears he wants to go to college and that he has to even when I have tried to talk to him about just working full time instead since school has never been his strong point. Won't hear of not trying again. Took him to the new school he registered with to turn in paperwork and after standing in line for twenty minutes and observing the student population, he decided it wasn't a good fit. Very urban school...nothing that he is use to. Anyone see the movie The Town? This is where the school is located...Charlestown, Ma. The problem is this is the only school he can get to by train from our house. He can't go to the local school again because he can't get Financial Aid due to his poor grade point average. He can if he starts fresh elsewhere. If he doesn't feel comfortable at this particular school, there is no public transportation to another school which would only be train. No buses where we live and the closest school is about 45 minutes away...but no way to get there except us taking him which we will not do again. He does not have a car...I sold it. He does not have money to get anything so we'll see where this goes.

What really made me post again was a good friend of his died yesterday while attending a music festival for the day. Nice kid, well liked, went to a University in San Diego. He was 19. He just came back from another festival last week with him and went with a bunch of friends yesterday but my son had to leave early because his girlfriend ended up getting ill. He did not leave with his friend and found out about his death this morning. As a mom I am devastated, but not surprised and only deepens my fear for my own son. Of course, my son thinks he has it all under control, knows his limits and is "smart" about what he does which is a complete oxymoron. I do not know the details as my son left as soon as he found out, crying out the door to be with his friends.

Have any of your kids friends od'd and did it make any difference in their drug usage?

 

[Nancy]

I am so sorry for all of you. This is devastating to everyone involved.

Sadly my difficult child has had several friends OD and it made no difference in her use. Once she went through rehab it was almost expected that she would lose friends through this terrible disease. The biggest heartbreak was a girl she became very good friends with in rehab who was 20 and she was 19 so they were both young. My husband and I also became very good friends with her dad who came to every sunday family education day. She was living in a sober house and this past February she was found dead inher car behind a gas station. Her family was devastated. It hit us all hard. Even this did not make a difference. difficult child has been to several wakes for friends of hers and still continues to drink/use.

Nancy

 

[AmericanGirl]

I read in a book that a mom asked her now sober daughter why a friend's OD didn't cause her to go straight. Daughter said you don't understand mom. you tell me someone od'ed - I think wow that must be some good stuff, wonder where i can get some?

 

[Calamity Jane]

AG,
I can't hardly believe that. If we need an example of how it's not the person, it's the drugs, that would be it. Geez.

 

[AmericanGirl]

I know but as much as i adore lemon ice box pie, if you told me the best one they ever made in the world was right in front of me but....it would make me mildly ill for 24 hours, i wouldnt eat it.

We arent ever going to understand it.

 

[vligrl]

I reached out to the boy's Mom this morning. We did not know each other. Her son was suppose to go for an intake at a rehab facility the same day he died. Unfortunetly, the facility did not have an available bed to take him sooner. His Mom didn't know he had gone to a music festival. He left a note saying he was meeting out of town friends in the city and didn't find out the details until she got a call from the hospital. He had ecstacy, acid, pot, alcohol and amphetamines in his sytem. Homemade drugs were given out for free for those stupid enough to gamble with their lives. I let her know that if she needed support in anything including reaching out to our community to educate, I would be there. These aren't stupid kids. They are young and think they are invincible which is the scariest part. I wish they had a Scared Straight program here in the burbs. She took pictures of her son while he was unconscious hooked up to tubes in the hospital, to show him at a later time what drugs did to him. Instead, she may be using the pictures at the local high school talking about how drugs killed him.

 

[Nancy]

I hope she does go to the local schools and uses those photos to educate teens on what can happen. Honestly I have thought about this, if anything like that happened to my difficult child that would be my mission, to try to get through to some of those kids. The parents of a young man who OD'd the day he was released from rehab has started a foundation to educate young people on drugs. They are advocates now and it has helped them feel like their son did not die in vain and has kept them busy in doing something they feel is worthwhile.

I'm glad you reached out to her and I'm sure that meant a great deal to her. When your difficult child is an addict you can't help but think about them ODing and so when you hear of someone who did, especially if you know them, the connection is very strong.

Nancy

 

[exhausted]

I hope this mother will find peace any way she can. The trouble is, fear is not a good teacher or deterant for many kids. Frontal cortex has not developed and actually even not good in many adults. It's a disease-it needs to be handled with a medical model of treatment. And yes, like mental illness, it has to be triggered-so if we can prevent the experimenting that would be great-there would be less triggering. The struggle is so hard once they are triggered, some don't care if they love or die.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Exhausted....good points. Helpful. thank you!

I have an alanon friend who buried her son 3 years ago. She speaks at schools, etc. and has a powerpoint of her sons life. Shes very gentle. If it helps one kid...

 

[vligrl]

It just makes me sick to read all the RIP's on Facebook being left by the very kids that got this boy involved in drugs in his senior year in high school. They are all so "cool". " You're in a better place" or " hope you're partying in heaven".
Really? Upper middleclass entitled whiny kids going to college on their parent's dime thinking it's cool to act badass and consume anything available. One kid was amazed that the K9 unit in town stopped his car which contained many different types of prescription drugs as well as street drugs and for some reason, let him go. Any kid that I know of that has been busted for possession is free now and going off to college, but still selling. Unfortunetly, the boy that died sold pot even from three thousand miles away by mail to some of the local kids here. Got busted too. Another was busted twice...still selling and lives at home. Another busted with drugs in his car, but going off to college. His parent's run a well known farm in the area. Another busted in high school and his Mom sent him off to go to private school on the Cape...oh wait...that's the same kid the K9 unit pulled over. What is the deal??????

 

[Nancy]

Oh I hear you. I too get so disgusted when I read the RIP's and your in a better place man and saying how they will never forget them and all that cr*p. Their facebook pages are a shrine to the druggies who all think it won't happen to them. The family of the young girl I mentioned that OD'd in her car refused to put an obit in the paper and wrote on her wall begging her druggie friends to stop posting and told them they did enough damage. They held a private funeral and wouldn't tell anyone where it was.

I played out my difficult child's funeral several times thinking what I would say to any of her druggie friends that came or what I would say to the parents who turned their heads when they knew the kids were using and drinking. I thought of how I would print her facebook page and give it to the police.

Nancy

 

[vligrl]

OMG Nancy. I could never allow myself the vision of my son dead, etc afraid it would actually happen. On the boy's FB page one of his "good friends" posted a picture he took of the boy holding up three quart sized baggies filled with pot as a picture he will cherish forever. Kids talking about how he was the "boss of Cali" as if that was a badge of honor.My heart aches for such a young person dying so senselessly, but am angry at everyone that contributed as well as himself for always having to push the limits. The family is having a service tonight at their church with their son's favorite pastor speaking to the kids and families that knew him. Since having a teenager, I have learned to dislike most teenagers of today with very little appreciation for anything especially their parents. This goes for my own child as well.
For all the good schools we sent him to and good neighborhoods we lived in just to have him flunk out of high school and start drugs. For us to pay hundreds to go to summer school to get his diploma in time to go to Jr. College just to flunk out of that. We drove him to and from Jr. College to make sure he went to his classes for a solid three months for nothing. Now he wants to try again but the closest Jr. College is 40 minutes away with no public transportation to get there from here. That leaves it up to us to either help him again or say tough luck kiddo. Personally, I would like to get the heck out of here altogether and leave his "friends" and sad memories behind and move closer to a Jr. College possibly. I am very torn about helping him out. Calgon take me away!