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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 512571" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Cress and welcome. I am British too and lived for a long time in Wales so we have that in common! </p><p>I'm really sorry you are facing all this. Little wonder you feel beleaguered and desperate. What struck me, though, as I read your post was not so much the ADHD/ODD as what is going on for your daughter emotionally with her father. This is very destructive to her, obviously, and as you say you are well aware of the impact. My son is also ADHD and could doubtless be labelled ODD too; he has some very difficult, oppositional moments but he is not destructive or provocative in the way you describe. Most of the time he is actually eager to please. In fact, your post made me think also of my own childhood, which was pretty disturbed, with two VERY rocky and unparental parents involved in an extremely messy divorce along with various other factors. I didn't have any "condition", or certainly not one that anyone ever wanted to put on me, but I went through periods of being very aggressive towards my mother; once I wrote "I hate Mummy" in huge letters on my bedroom wall. I think I was about 10. I can almost remember the hurt and anger I felt when I did it and I felt this too in the actions of your daughter in attacking the things precious to you. In your case, the hurt and anger are directed more towards your ex-partner but perhaps in the way of children she somehow blames you for this also.</p><p>In any event, I think you are right that you really need help with this and that she needs to be talking about her very understandable woundedness and anger at her father's words and actions as a matter of urgency. She is one hurt little girl. And it sounds like she has a very caring mother who is understandly also at the end of her tether... </p><p>These are just my own thoughts, obviously. I may be off the mark. But in any event, I wish you strength and courage and heart in this difficult period you are facing. I do believe things can turn round for you and and your daughter, that this is not the way things need to continue. But I also think you will need to love her very well, and sometimes we need help to do that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 512571, member: 11227"] Hi Cress and welcome. I am British too and lived for a long time in Wales so we have that in common! I'm really sorry you are facing all this. Little wonder you feel beleaguered and desperate. What struck me, though, as I read your post was not so much the ADHD/ODD as what is going on for your daughter emotionally with her father. This is very destructive to her, obviously, and as you say you are well aware of the impact. My son is also ADHD and could doubtless be labelled ODD too; he has some very difficult, oppositional moments but he is not destructive or provocative in the way you describe. Most of the time he is actually eager to please. In fact, your post made me think also of my own childhood, which was pretty disturbed, with two VERY rocky and unparental parents involved in an extremely messy divorce along with various other factors. I didn't have any "condition", or certainly not one that anyone ever wanted to put on me, but I went through periods of being very aggressive towards my mother; once I wrote "I hate Mummy" in huge letters on my bedroom wall. I think I was about 10. I can almost remember the hurt and anger I felt when I did it and I felt this too in the actions of your daughter in attacking the things precious to you. In your case, the hurt and anger are directed more towards your ex-partner but perhaps in the way of children she somehow blames you for this also. In any event, I think you are right that you really need help with this and that she needs to be talking about her very understandable woundedness and anger at her father's words and actions as a matter of urgency. She is one hurt little girl. And it sounds like she has a very caring mother who is understandly also at the end of her tether... These are just my own thoughts, obviously. I may be off the mark. But in any event, I wish you strength and courage and heart in this difficult period you are facing. I do believe things can turn round for you and and your daughter, that this is not the way things need to continue. But I also think you will need to love her very well, and sometimes we need help to do that. [/QUOTE]
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