Hello and HELP

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ELIZABET, Sep 14, 2010.


    ELIZABET Guest

    I am new to Conduct disorders. I am really in need of help.

    I have a 13 year old son whom I homeschool through a public school (OKVA). How can I put this my son is disrespectful, lies, decides it his right to put his sister in her place (by hitting her) and doesn't do the work I have told him to do for homework (he wouldn't do it even when he was in regular school). He trys to ignore me by turning away and putting his headphones in his ears (which he can't do now that I pulled them off his head and he pull them to get them back and broke them) He is constantly back talking me. I feel as if this is my fault that I am a bad parent but I know in my heart I am doing what I think is best for him but I don't know how to get him to change his behavior. :sad-very: and with his ever esculating behavior I feel as if I have become the bad guy. I feel impotent I don't hit because I feel it is wrong to do so. I try to talk to him and if feels like nagging or some form of negotiation when he hits his sister I stand him in the corner because I tried the writing 20 x I will not hit my sister bit and he refuses to do so I have taken away games and still he says I DON'T CARE I WILL STILL DO IT!! I just don't know what to do.... I can't afford a counselor.

  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, Elizabeth, to our corner of the world. You have truly found a soft place to land. One book I would recommend reading is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has lots of great ideas and many of us really like his book. It would also probably be a good idea to have a neuropsychologist exam to see if there are underlying causes. Seeing a counselor is also a good idea. Are there services available that might provide one? Others will be along that may have other recommendations on services available. Again, welcome.Hugs.

    Also you will want to remove your last name as this is a forum that can be viewed by anyone.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome--

    My advice will probably sound strange - BUT

    assault, is assault is assault. He won't listen to you? You call the police each and every time he puts his hands on somebody else. Yes, really. Have an officer come out, talk to the boy and take a report. If this tactic scares your son straight - GREAT! But if it doesn't? You will be creating a paper trail that might come in handy later as he gets bigger and stronger.

    So sorry you are dealing with this...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion it's time for a through evaluation to see why he behaves that way. I don't mean therapy...I mean a neuropsychologist evaluation. This is 6-10 hours of intensive testing in every area, not just IQ. His behavior isn't him just being "bad." It's over-the-top and he could have some psychiatric or neurological disorder driving his behavior. Does he have any psychiatric problems or substance abuse in his family tree, on both sides (genetics count even if he never sees part of his family). How was his early development? Does he know how to hold a give and take conversation? How are his social skills?
    If you have Medicaid, a university hospital neuropsychologist will cover it. Without a diagnosis and appropriate follow up help (in my opinion, I don't think a counselor is enough) he will probably get even worse.
  5. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Hello Elizabeth, welcome.

    I agree with the need for a complete evaluation for your son because as MWM said, his behavior is over the top. My gut reaction is that it's over the top because the schoolwork is so impossible for him that he will do anything he can to avoid it. Because he can't do it.

    How long have you been homeschooling and why did you choose to homeschool? I homeschooled for four years and belonged to a homeschool support group at CABF (for bipolar kids -- not saying your kid is bipolar, but he is special needs of some sort). Anyway the advice we always gave one another was, if the kid is unstable, bag school, and focus on comfort and coping skills. Warm bath with Epsom salts was a biggie -- Epsom has magnesium which is a muscle relaxer. Quiet room, legos (does he still play legos?), read aloud, draw or color. What is he listening to on his headphones? Is it relaxing? Maybe he could listen to an audiobook. What does he like to do to relax? He should do that (if not stimulating). Watch a movie together. Walks in the woods gathering leaves now if you have autumn. Low stimulant is the key, and re-establishing connection with your son. You can record all this as homeschooling -- coping skills, health management, social skills, language arts for the movie or audiobook. A set curriculum may be to rigid and stressful for him now. And definitely for you.

    This may be hard, and challenge your vision and philosophy of homeschooling. This is just what worked for me, and it's what I was taught on the homeschool group so I'm offering it as a suggestion.

    When I homeschooled, I followed the unschooling method. This is just what worked for us. difficult child had to be interested in it or he wouldn't do it. He was at grade level when he returned to school after 4 years of homeschooling (things eventually spiraled down but that's not part of this story).

    Anyway. Good luck. Maybe make stress reduction your first priority and go from there. You are not to be thinking you are a bad parent because you are unable to teach your son what he cannot learn right now.

    Last edited: Sep 15, 2010