hello new here, after advice on 3 year old please.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by carrie1983, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. carrie1983

    carrie1983 New Member

    hiya, im after some advice on my 3 year old son. i have been to the doctor and am waiting for speech therapy to begin. he is also waiting to see a pediatrician so things are moving in the right way. im just struggling to cope with his behavior and have no one to confirm or consult me with my feelings.

    a little about him. he can talk but only i fully understand him, some things i struggle with. he babbles a little bit too still like a baby does. mostly its his behavior that is bad he is very naughty ALL the time, its a constant toddler tantrum since he was 18 months old. things come out the blue where ever we are or who ever he is with. i have no authority with him. at all. here is a list of things.

    • does not know wrong from right
    • no sense of danger
    • will hit out and hurt people and not understand it was wrong
    • is not fully potty trained yet, will wee his clothes at least once a day.. even poo on the carpet near the potty.
    • he is very intelligent can read some words wright his name and words, sing the alphabet since he was 2. but its an obsession with him, and would rather do letters than play with toys.
    • will just out of no where throw something, kick punch head butt, break something.
    • is the same if not worse in public places.

    this is just a few things as i find it very hard to explain things, they sound trivial, im sick of people telling me he is just a boy. or feel im being judged. its that bad im used to it now and hardly notice things unless we are in a public place or around other children his age. does anyone have any advice or idea what they think? i was thinking ADHD area. any help or advice would be really appreciated as me and my husband have no authority over him. im so sad to see my sweet boy like this. as i truely believe he doesnt understand what he is doing wrong.

    thank you for reading from the uk :)
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome... sorry you had to find us, but glad you did!

    You're doing well to be recognizing there is a problem at this young age and be seeking help. Because yes, this isn't "just being a boy".

    We're just other parents around here... so no formal advice as to diagnoses etc. But... having grown up in a family full of ADHD and living in a house full of ADHD... what you describe isn't ADHD. Have you researched anything on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Asperger's spectrum?

    You might also find the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, to be useful. It has a different approach to parenting that seems to work with some of "our" kids when regular parenting fails miserably.

    Others will be along with more questions...
  3. carrie1983

    carrie1983 New Member

    hello thank you for you're reply, there is alot more also. he doesn't sit still hardly ever, hes is on the go all day long. cant even sit at the table for a meal for more than 10 minutes without being distracted or running around. its as if his brain is constantly ticking along faster than him. he wont sit and watch tv, he will jump, run, spin while he watches it etc. i didn't want to say too much on my first post. and most his traits are so normal to me now i forget them lol. thank you i will have a look at that. yes ive been looking into asperger's also but when i read things online its more the ADHD that he is like. x
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would be keeping an eye out for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, a form of atypical autism. Sounds classic, even the uber-hyperactivity is a part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I disagree that he is simply ADHD. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child was so hyper we said he hung from the rafters...it's a part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) too. Many ASDers are VERY interested in letters and number and memorizing things by rote and they do this very early. My son did. A lack of interest in toys and imaginative play is another Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) symptom. My child never did play much with any toys that were not letters or numbers puzzles. He did like to climb so we got him many climbing toys.

    Your son is very young and it will be hard to diagnose him correctly, but can you get him into the public school's Early Education Program? Sounds like he could use interventions. They REALLY helped my son.

    Welcome to the board :)
  5. carrie1983

    carrie1983 New Member

    hello, thank you for you're reply. i will look into that also as i dont know very much about anything at the moment. the internet is fab, but difficult when i am unsure what to search for. he is starting nursery at school in september so im hoping that will help. im also very nervous about it. today we went to the park at 9am and got home at 1pm, painted pine cones we had found in the garden, he said he wanted to get some toys from his room to bring out side. he was gone 5 minuted and when i went upstairs he had covered his bedroom in poo!! i mean totally covered everything! and was very proud and happy about it. im just pulling my hair out with it all. im going to ring my health visitor tomorrow and see if i can arrange a home visit, as i feel very lonely and lost as to what to do at the moment.

    thats interesting as he has been obsessed with the alphabet/ letters/ spellings, since he was 2. he can wright it sing it, wright his name, tell me what things begin with etc. but couldnt explaine what he would like for dinner or to do that day.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds A LOT like high functioning autism. Here is an online test you can take to see where your son ends up. I hear, from people who chat on an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autism) board, that this test is very accurate if you are honest in your answers. The poop probably has to do with sensory issues, which are a part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Does he have a problem with certain textures of clothes or food or socks not being just right? Does he get upset if things are changed around?

    Remember, we are just parents so we can't diagnose, just give our feedback and opinion. Ok, here's the link to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test:

  7. carrie1983

    carrie1983 New Member

    thank you, i know you can't diagnose, but is just so nice to speak to people who understand or even listen to me and not make up an excuse for it.
    if i move something around in my home he will move it back again to where it was before, if i was to put something in the wrong order etc he would get angry also. he doesnt like wearing clothes much, but isnt too bothered about texture. he doesn't normally like his hands dirty and will ask for a wet wipe while eating to clean his hands, wont touch certain things at messy play etc. he doesnt like alot of foods like pasta, slimy things he will spit out again. thank you i will try that test now x
  8. carrie1983

    carrie1983 New Member

    i have just taken the test and it has come up may suggest severe Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). so i can do a bit of research and have a better understanding for him, but also a few more facts before i see the pediatrician as know it can be hard to be taken seriously :)
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the site - and you're right - we've got a lot of people that wholey understand what you're going through...I agree with what everyone has suggested, I'd also do some reading up on Sensory Integration Issues/Disorders...occupational therapy can really help - weighted vests, etc. It can do a world of good!

    Again, welcome! Beth
  10. army wife

    army wife New Member

    Sounds a little like my child at 3. He wasn't THAT intelligent though, but his acedemic age is alot higher than his mental, emotional and gross motor age equilivents. But my son now at almost 5 now understands wrong from right, doesn't hit near as much as he use to, but still does, he finally stopped pooping and peeing all over the house and was potty trained. So it may get better. good luck sorry I can't give advice and can only give you hope.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like my grandson except for the letters thing. Mine can barely say a thing. He is also not potty trained at all but will potty everywhere else. He will say he has to potty....or grunt about potty and bring a clean diaper. They try to put him on the potty, he sits there, wont do a thing, then he gets off, goes outside to play and pulls the diaper off and poos outside or inside somewhere. So maddening!

    When he was really young he could sit still for quite awhile to watch things like Blues Clues. I think mommy used TV too much as a babysitter. Now the kid can play her cell phone with the stupid games like angry birds. Im not sure whether or not he can actually play them but she lets him play with her phone. I wouldnt let a toddler within 10 feet of my phone.
  12. tinkerbell

    tinkerbell New Member

    Hi there, i found this forum by looking for subjects on yahoo .about this because of my 3 year old, i had to join this forum to let you know my son is exactly the same.
    Hes everything you've just described, hes speech is slow, hes not potty trained, hes hyper, has no sense of danger. No matter how many times i give him wrong for something he just goes back and does it again.
    Ive seen my sons pediatrician quite a few times and they just keep reassuring me that his behaviour is just due to his delay in speech and that hes fustrated and thats why he lashes out. the speech thearpy was meant to be set up for my son starting nursery, which he started in january and hasnt even seen anyone yet, i had to go into the school and complain that my son is being looked over as they havent taken into account that he needs his speech thearpy sorted, theyve said theyll sort it in the new term, that means 9 months would have gone by without him having any form of help/intervention.
    I find my sons behavior hard to deal with, simple things like going shopping are hard tasks, because he seems to kick off and lash out if he doesnt get what he wants, i know how hard it is with people staring and judging. I have no authority over him what so ever.
    But as ive said the pediatrician seems to think its just because of fustration due to speech. Be interesting to see what the pediatrician says about your son because im not satisfied with the conclusion that my sons have come up with.
  13. EStephens

    EStephens New Member

    Welcome to the board! Sorry you needed to find it! There is a lot of advice and encouragement around here!! It has been a breath of air for me!

    Poo smearing is actually common in Autism. I was blown away to find that out! I knew my difficult child had done it, but Lord have mercy I didn't ever plan on telling anyone! My difficult child was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 9. Personally I think he showed signs as early as 3-4. He was always just "quirky". Never had a ton of friends, was a WAY picky eater,always had different ways of looking at things, and had lots of trouble reading people's facial expressions and their intent.
    When you go to the doctor, ask questions. If they blow you off or act like you don't have valid points, keep looking until you find someone to take your side.
    Sometimes it may feel like you are all alone and no one understands,but know there is hope.