Yes, that makes sense.
Like difficult child 3's friend whose autism is mild and who slips below the radar at school - some kids are not so obvious.
easy child 2/difficult child 2 does not have a formal diagnosis of Asperger's, but we're certain she's got it. SHE is certain. also, husband is increasingly sure he's Aspie, so is a friend of ours. But both men are in their 50s and to diagnose at that age, after a lifetime of adapting and "pretending to be normal" as difficult child 3 described himself when he was 8, makes diagnosis now a non-issue for the adults.
Your son sounds very high-functioning but yes, autism is still a possibility.
The honesty - it's not always from repeated experience of being caught in a lie. But never forget - it's normal for all kids to lie, and for us, we found difficult child 3's attempts to lie to actually be a healthy sign.
Every kid is different, every autistic kidalso. Some kids choose to not lie because they value honesty as a premium. If you read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon, although it is a work of fiction, it does describe what it can be like inside the head of someone with fairly severe Asperger's. Chances are, your son is not that severe (if he does have autism). I know in most respects, difficult child 3 is not that severe. In the book, the main character describes how he doesn't like looking at those optical illusions where something can be one thing form one angle but blink again and it's something different. He gave the example of the Peter-Paul goblet (see this link for some explanation -
http://www.eruptingmind.com/figure-ground-perception/) and how it really upset him to look at things like that, that could be two different things at the same time. In the same way, in his mind there was only one truth and to say something that was not true set up too many confusions and conflicts in his brain and it was just too unpleasant for him to do it. I do sometimes wonder about husband in this respect - he also cannot lie. He's lousy at poker, even though he is very poker-faced.
Mind you, on the topic of seeing two different things in the same image - difficult child 3 has no such problem. In fact we have a number of Escher prints around the house, all our kids are fascinated by Escher and when we get out and about, some of the favourite places to go over the years have been those "Believe it or not" museums of oddities, marvels and illusions. Some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids love them, others avoid them. It's all different.
Something that might help you understand as well as perhaps how to tell your child (if it does turn out to be autism in his case - anyway, whatever it is, feel free to use this) is the computer program analogy I used for difficult child 3.
My kids, especially difficult child 3, are very computer-oriented. We use Mac at home but they've used easy child at school, as have husband & I. So we're a bilingual family, when it comes to computer use. The kids also have had ready access to computers from as young as possible, infancy in difficult child 3's case.
Now, when you have typed up a text file, neatened it up, enlarged the font for the heading, centred the bits you want centred, justified the text, made it look exactly how you want it, you send it to the printer. But if you have your printers hooked up to both Macs and PCs, someone collecting work off the printer has no way of knowing AFTER it's printed, whether the text page was done on a Mac or a easy child. It's possible easily to make output from either computer look identical.
BUT - the software and the programming in detail that helps you interface with that computer and helps the computer do what it has to do, in order to produce that page - it will be very different for a Mac compared to a easy child. Each type of computer, with the appropriate programming, can do what you ask it to do.
And the final statement - some people have Mac brains and some people have easy child brains. They need different ways of programming, in order to work at their best.
No value judgements. No statements about "this type of brain/computer is better..." or even "your brain is a easy child brain while everyone else's are Macs". No such judgements. Let the child add in those bits should he choose to. Nobody is inferior. Just different. And as I have said before - if everybody were like everybody else, the world would be a dull place.
If your son can handle change, that is great. But keep him exposed to as much change as you can arrange, because it can be very easy, especially as they get older, for them to 'discover' how much they enjoy NOT having to put up with change. We've set up a system regarding difficult child 3 trying new foods (which has been a problem for us). Other change issues/control issues - I remember difficult child 1 hated swimming classes. In Australia, our schools all engage in learn to swim classes in our elementary schools every year, for any kid who can't swim. The kids will spend most of every day for several weeks, in an intensive learn to swim class at the nearest swimming pool. difficult child 1 got very adept at coming home with a dry swimsuit - he somehow achieved the impossible and avoided having to get into the pool and do the exercises. I enrolled him in a weekend class and watched - and found he would slip in to the back of the line all the time, or maybe the front of the line of the kids who had already performed the exercise. Sometimes he had to get in the pool and get wet, but he generally avoided having to put his face in the water, which was the big thing he hated.
At that time we would often go to the beach as a family. Hew would come too, but stay on the edge of the water and build sandcastles. At home, he went years without us being able to wash his hair except with a damp washcloth. Finally he worked out a way that he could tolerate, so we were able to wash his hair as long as he had control of lying down in a shallow bath to rinse his hair.
As he got older and had more say in what he came along with, he refused to go to the beach. Why? He insisted he just doesn't like the risk of getting wet. However, he's married an outdoorsy girl and so goes to the beach with her (when she can persuade him).
husband likes to go for a swim on a hot day but otherwise won't go to the beach, except for a short swim. He also hates the feel of sand underfoot. A pity - our part of the world is noted for having some of the best sandy beaches in the world.
Everyone is different.
While you wait for appointments, read those books (get them from the library and don't buy books until you're sure you actually want it on your shelves - you'll get lots of books recommended). Also try to put in place some different methods of handling your kids according to what information you can find. Give it a go.
ANd perhaps the most important - begin documenting everything. Go back and try to recall all the things tat have concerned you about him, from as far back as you can remember. Also record ongoing issues, try to describe the full event. Set it out in diary form or whatever form you can determine seems to be the most efficient to read. Take a copy with you to the appointment. If you've done the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on
www.childbrain.com, take a copy of that printout too. They will have to do such a test more formally (the online one can't be used to diagnose) but it does indicate the areas that are of concern to you.
What worked for us with difficult child 3 (and would have undoubtedly helped with difficult child 1, if we'd had the sensitivity we needed at the time) was giving him what he wants, as long as it doesn't matter to us. In other words, if there is a choice of vegetables to eat - carrots or tomatoes - and we give difficult child 3 the choice, we let him have what he chooses. But if there's only one tomato left and Daddy needs that for his lunch at work, then we have to insist on carrots being the only choice. THis is not spoiling a kid, I don't think. The child knows that there are sound reasons and especially if the child accepts those reasons, he has become part of the decision process and this gives him control. And there is nothing wrong with a child having this kind of control. It actually begins to teach reasoning, rationality and self-control as well as consideration for others. Whereas if you're always applying the controls, when will the child have the chance to learn how to do it for himself?
Respect your parental instincts. They've been worth listening to so far.
Marg
My wonderful husbnad and I have two kids. Our 7 1/2 yr. son is the reason I am here. We have yet to get a diagnosis on him. But our research points us in the ODD direction. We have to get a handle on him before he hits his teenage years! We have been to lots of dr.'s and had lots of tests. He seems to fall in the ODD category with a few other disorders gently sprinkled on him! Although, he seems to be ODD it only shows in his comfort zones. So he has been a difficult one for dr's to diagnosis. We are on a waiting lists to see a new child psychiatrist that seems to have a good rep. Until then I will read and post as needed. Thank you.
