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Hello - newbie on the loose!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 345271" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi and welcome.</p><p></p><p>What seems to have worked best for us (friends-wise) was helping our kids find friends with similar interests, often friends who also are Aspie. Sometimes they find one another, which is good.</p><p></p><p>The thing with other Aspies as friends - you're dealing with kids who are similarly loving, friendly and not with any hidden agendas or underlying deceit. Especially as they get older (and acquire a few street smarts) they often find other kids who are like them.</p><p></p><p>Aspies are often very naive and can be taken advantage of. It's a very hard lesson for them, to learn that their own honesty is unusual and not to be taken for granted in other people. It was a very difficult lesson to teach our kids, especially difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3's friends (the real ones) were kids his own age when he was younger, but by the time he was about 7 or 8, those kids (even the nice ones) had simply moved on socially, and couldn't really be held back in order to keep the relationship going for difficult child 3. The meaner kids began to really take advantage of difficult child 3 and even to bully him. The nice kids would say hello in passing, but stopped coming over to play because the social gulf between them and difficult child 3 was widening.</p><p></p><p>But difficult child 3 does have friends. They are from two groups:</p><p></p><p>1) Very bright, but much younger kids. For example, the kids over the road (six years younger) who enjoy difficult child 3's amazing ability with computer games and also have the social maturity to accept difficult child 3's immaturity. The really bright kids value difficult child 3's intellect and are also smart enough to have an instinctive understanding of his disability.</p><p></p><p>2) Other SpEd kids from various classes and extra-curricular social groups we've been involved in (for example, difficult child 3's drama class for kids with learning disabilities; an autism social skills class that was run a few years ago and morphed form there into an informal friendship group).</p><p></p><p>You can manufacture this sort of thing yourself - you could start your own informal support group for parents of difficult children, but keep the time limited that the kids spend together, because it's better to have a short, happy encounter than a longer one where the kids eventually fall out because one or another got over-tired. </p><p></p><p>In our situation, difficult child 3 has been nagging me to organise another ten-pin bowling get together. He wants to spend time with these kids. We were invited to a birthday party of one of these kids (yesterday - couldn't go because I was not well enough) and these are really good. The kids get together, but so do us parents, we get to compare notes and relax.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has another friend who lives nearby - another high-functioning autistic kid, whose autism is milder tan difficult child 3's. But I tend to avoid simply dropping difficult child 3 off to play, I often go round to visit as well. The boys play together, us parents share coffee, but it means I'm there if there is a problem.</p><p></p><p>It's a lot more difficult for our kids and your son is at a very difficult age, when other kids his age can be very cruel. You probably need to actively teach your son some social skills, to help him learn (role playing is good) the various things he needs, in order to be safe. You need to ensure that any play with other kids is supervised, in order to help keep him safe and also help him learn. This can be done without you having to be obvious about it - I used to run an after-school chess club, for example. Because I was running it, I was always there. That was my alibi, so to speak. </p><p></p><p>If you feel your son is Aspie, but the diagnosis hasn't been made, use it as your working hypothesis until you have a diagnosis that is made more formally. Help him understand his condition and to see his good qualities as well as get a better understanding of where he needs a bit more help than usual.</p><p></p><p>And never forget - trying to get an accurate IQ score on Aspies is very difficult, they generally score a lot lower than they really are. Treat him as if he is really bright, especially in his high skill areas, and that can also make a big difference in how he feels about himself.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 345271, member: 1991"] Hi and welcome. What seems to have worked best for us (friends-wise) was helping our kids find friends with similar interests, often friends who also are Aspie. Sometimes they find one another, which is good. The thing with other Aspies as friends - you're dealing with kids who are similarly loving, friendly and not with any hidden agendas or underlying deceit. Especially as they get older (and acquire a few street smarts) they often find other kids who are like them. Aspies are often very naive and can be taken advantage of. It's a very hard lesson for them, to learn that their own honesty is unusual and not to be taken for granted in other people. It was a very difficult lesson to teach our kids, especially difficult child 3. difficult child 3's friends (the real ones) were kids his own age when he was younger, but by the time he was about 7 or 8, those kids (even the nice ones) had simply moved on socially, and couldn't really be held back in order to keep the relationship going for difficult child 3. The meaner kids began to really take advantage of difficult child 3 and even to bully him. The nice kids would say hello in passing, but stopped coming over to play because the social gulf between them and difficult child 3 was widening. But difficult child 3 does have friends. They are from two groups: 1) Very bright, but much younger kids. For example, the kids over the road (six years younger) who enjoy difficult child 3's amazing ability with computer games and also have the social maturity to accept difficult child 3's immaturity. The really bright kids value difficult child 3's intellect and are also smart enough to have an instinctive understanding of his disability. 2) Other SpEd kids from various classes and extra-curricular social groups we've been involved in (for example, difficult child 3's drama class for kids with learning disabilities; an autism social skills class that was run a few years ago and morphed form there into an informal friendship group). You can manufacture this sort of thing yourself - you could start your own informal support group for parents of difficult children, but keep the time limited that the kids spend together, because it's better to have a short, happy encounter than a longer one where the kids eventually fall out because one or another got over-tired. In our situation, difficult child 3 has been nagging me to organise another ten-pin bowling get together. He wants to spend time with these kids. We were invited to a birthday party of one of these kids (yesterday - couldn't go because I was not well enough) and these are really good. The kids get together, but so do us parents, we get to compare notes and relax. difficult child 3 has another friend who lives nearby - another high-functioning autistic kid, whose autism is milder tan difficult child 3's. But I tend to avoid simply dropping difficult child 3 off to play, I often go round to visit as well. The boys play together, us parents share coffee, but it means I'm there if there is a problem. It's a lot more difficult for our kids and your son is at a very difficult age, when other kids his age can be very cruel. You probably need to actively teach your son some social skills, to help him learn (role playing is good) the various things he needs, in order to be safe. You need to ensure that any play with other kids is supervised, in order to help keep him safe and also help him learn. This can be done without you having to be obvious about it - I used to run an after-school chess club, for example. Because I was running it, I was always there. That was my alibi, so to speak. If you feel your son is Aspie, but the diagnosis hasn't been made, use it as your working hypothesis until you have a diagnosis that is made more formally. Help him understand his condition and to see his good qualities as well as get a better understanding of where he needs a bit more help than usual. And never forget - trying to get an accurate IQ score on Aspies is very difficult, they generally score a lot lower than they really are. Treat him as if he is really bright, especially in his high skill areas, and that can also make a big difference in how he feels about himself. Marg [/QUOTE]
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