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Special Ed 101
Help- 9 year old daughter refusing to go to school, about to lose IEP
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 438545" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>I gently disagree with TeDo on letting her stay home.</p><p></p><p>When faced with school refusal AND the school is telling you she's fine and no longer qualifies for an IEP - you send that child to school.</p><p> </p><p> If you can get her in the car then drive to the school. If she won't get out without a fight or actually enter the school, do not fight or struggle with her. Do not lecture, yell, plead, scold. You tell her it's time to get out and when she refuses you go in to the office and tell them you'd appreciate it if the principal could go talk to her and see if he/she can get her to go to class. Act helpless if you think it will help you get the principal or VP out there.</p><p></p><p>After that you stand back and LET THEM handle it. You do not interfere, help or instruct them. You just stand there while they deal with it. While it may be embarrassing - you want as big a scene as possible because this will do more to get through to the school than anything you can say to them in an IEP meeting. If they refuse to go out to the car and deal with her you go tell your daughter you'll be waiting for her in the office and then you go take a seat and read a magazine or whatever until she comes in looking for you or someone in the office goes ahead and tries to get her to class.</p><p></p><p>Expect this to take a long time the first few times you do it so plan ahead - don't expect to go on errands or go to work or anything else that day. Even if it takes the whole school day - this is what you need to do and it is more important.</p><p></p><p>Do it every single day no matter what.</p><p></p><p>If she's tardy or absent due to school refusal you must document every single day that the reason for the tardiness or absence is school refusal due to disabilities. E-mail or fax the school with a note that says she is tardy/absent due to school refusal. And keep track on a calendar or keep a note for every day that she's late, absent or you pick her up early to present at the IEP meeting.</p><p></p><p>Tell them you will no longer come and get her if she goes to the nurse with a headache, etc. unless she is</p><p></p><p>1) running a fever</p><p>2) vomiting</p><p>3) diarrhea</p><p></p><p>And you want the nurse to document when your daughter comes to the nurse's office, how long she stays and what symptoms she's reporting when she goes. You need to know exactly how much class your daughter is missing with her little trips to the nurse.</p><p></p><p>If you go this route - you must stick to it once you start.</p><p></p><p>There are 3 reasons for taking this approach:</p><p></p><p>1. At this point the school may already be thinking about reporting you for truancy action by the school district and you need to be prepared for that possibility by documenting everything.</p><p>2. You need her severe behaviors documented and witnessed by the school as much as possible given their position regarding the IEP.</p><p>3. In the long run, it is in her best interest to treat her as if she is capable of mastering her fears and separation anxiety to go to school as long as school is not a seriously traumatizing environment due to physical bullying, physical punishment like paddling, open humiliation or ridicule at the hands of teachers, etc. </p><p></p><p>If she really is mostly fine once she gets to school, then she needs to show up and you need to make her show up to the extent you are able. while I do not doubt that she is scared, that she finds many things about school (sights, sounds, smells) unpleasant and difficult, and she is frustrated and unhappy it is important that she discovers that she can handle whatever life throws at her and succeed anyway.</p><p></p><p>If she's not "fine" at school then you still need to get her there consistently so that the school has to cope with her dysfunctional behavior instead of you. When you make it their problem - then they will change their tune.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 438545, member: 11920"] I gently disagree with TeDo on letting her stay home. When faced with school refusal AND the school is telling you she's fine and no longer qualifies for an IEP - you send that child to school. If you can get her in the car then drive to the school. If she won't get out without a fight or actually enter the school, do not fight or struggle with her. Do not lecture, yell, plead, scold. You tell her it's time to get out and when she refuses you go in to the office and tell them you'd appreciate it if the principal could go talk to her and see if he/she can get her to go to class. Act helpless if you think it will help you get the principal or VP out there. After that you stand back and LET THEM handle it. You do not interfere, help or instruct them. You just stand there while they deal with it. While it may be embarrassing - you want as big a scene as possible because this will do more to get through to the school than anything you can say to them in an IEP meeting. If they refuse to go out to the car and deal with her you go tell your daughter you'll be waiting for her in the office and then you go take a seat and read a magazine or whatever until she comes in looking for you or someone in the office goes ahead and tries to get her to class. Expect this to take a long time the first few times you do it so plan ahead - don't expect to go on errands or go to work or anything else that day. Even if it takes the whole school day - this is what you need to do and it is more important. Do it every single day no matter what. If she's tardy or absent due to school refusal you must document every single day that the reason for the tardiness or absence is school refusal due to disabilities. E-mail or fax the school with a note that says she is tardy/absent due to school refusal. And keep track on a calendar or keep a note for every day that she's late, absent or you pick her up early to present at the IEP meeting. Tell them you will no longer come and get her if she goes to the nurse with a headache, etc. unless she is 1) running a fever 2) vomiting 3) diarrhea And you want the nurse to document when your daughter comes to the nurse's office, how long she stays and what symptoms she's reporting when she goes. You need to know exactly how much class your daughter is missing with her little trips to the nurse. If you go this route - you must stick to it once you start. There are 3 reasons for taking this approach: 1. At this point the school may already be thinking about reporting you for truancy action by the school district and you need to be prepared for that possibility by documenting everything. 2. You need her severe behaviors documented and witnessed by the school as much as possible given their position regarding the IEP. 3. In the long run, it is in her best interest to treat her as if she is capable of mastering her fears and separation anxiety to go to school as long as school is not a seriously traumatizing environment due to physical bullying, physical punishment like paddling, open humiliation or ridicule at the hands of teachers, etc. If she really is mostly fine once she gets to school, then she needs to show up and you need to make her show up to the extent you are able. while I do not doubt that she is scared, that she finds many things about school (sights, sounds, smells) unpleasant and difficult, and she is frustrated and unhappy it is important that she discovers that she can handle whatever life throws at her and succeed anyway. If she's not "fine" at school then you still need to get her there consistently so that the school has to cope with her dysfunctional behavior instead of you. When you make it their problem - then they will change their tune. [/QUOTE]
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Help- 9 year old daughter refusing to go to school, about to lose IEP
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