Help! difficult child is selling weed.

[pinevalley]

Our difficult child son can be defiant, and thinks that rules and laws don't apply to him. We know that he has tried alcohol and weed already. I read lots of text messages on my son's phone last night, and he was sending texts about selling weed to his friends. My husband and I talked to our son about this today, and he said that it was just a joke and that he doesn't sell. We can see that difficult child would sell weed, because he would think this is an easy way to make money. We have taken his call phone away, and made it clear that we don't want any drugs in our home. Our difficult child says we are making too much of silly texts that he sent, and he can't see why he should be grounded. I'm really afraid that our son will be arrested for drugs, and I don't know what else we can do to convince our difficult child not to sell weed. Do you have any suggestions for me? Thanks,

 

[dadside]

I guess if I were in your shoes it would depend on how the texts read and on what other evidence, if any, I had to suggest he was selling. At this point it seems you are concerned, but not sure of what he has actually done. No extra new-found money - such as could come from dealing? If that is the case, I'd sit down with him today, return the cell phone, end the grounding, and explain that the matter is a serious one, thus your response. On further consideration, maybe you reached a conclusion too quickly, but any further evidence will lead to more stringent consequences.

On the other hand, if you are sure he is dealing you have a whole different mess on your hands. Your home may house supplies. Arguably, you could be accused of complicity, and who knows what might be siezed. In that case, I'd look hard at getting him out of the house and into some program to change his involvement.

 

[BusynMember]

From experience with my daughter, if you sell you also use. Probably he does more than weed too, according to my daughter who went straight after six years of drugs in her high school years. Keeping her clean at home didn't work. I agree with sending him to a program. How old is he though?

 

[pinevalley]

Our son is 16 and very immature for his age. I reread all the texts on his phone, and I think that he was bragging about a lot of the dealing. He wrote that he still had to pick up the weed from "his" house, cut it, and then sell it. Our son does not drive so he is having a problem getting a ride to this other kid's house. I had a long talk with him today, and told him that we will call the police if we find evidence of any drugs in our house. He was in a rage when we took his cell phone away, but today he apologized for his anger. He is even doing chores here at home today for me without complaining, which is very nice. I still believe that our son uses weed, and we are going to watch him much more closely to determine if he is really dealing. He does not have any extra cash on him, and he is always complaining about not having money. Unfortunately our difficult child has a bad habit of exagerating all kinds of things that he is doing when he is talking with his friends, just to look cooler with the guys. We are just going to have to watch where he goes and who he is with all the time, in order to keep him safe.

 

[Ephchap]

I would definitely keep an eye on things. What we find when looking through our kids' stuff is usually only a smidge of what is really going on. I hope that things work out and he's just bragging more than actually doing. The good thing is that now you're more in the know, and will be watching, and he knows it.

Hang in there.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[helpme]

Okay, I'm sure I am not the only one with a difficult child who told the most incredible stories ever.
I mean the stories are pointless and absolutely do not make sense. But, as I look back,
these stories were very much a warning sigh- DANGER Will Robinson!!! DANGER!!!

One story that a male neighbor (who wasn't gay) married another male in their driveway
two house down from us and that difficult child had to go down there and shoot off his gun because
he just wasn't tolerating it (difficult child does not have guns). Why this dumb story came up, I don't
know, but it did end with our neighbors, some friends, and finally nearly the whole school
district administration. Because even after the month long turmoil he continued the drama
when he wrote an additional amendment to the constitution- "no gay marriages", for his
ninth grade government final. All hell broke loose.

Looking back, I was fed a bunch of stories of "oh mom, I was just trying to be kool", or
"oh mom we were just teasing/joking". But deep down, it was a sign that he was having
a lot of trouble fitting it. He wasn't able to communicate with people very well due to a
speech and language delay. As the high school years came, most of his friends after he
was disqualified from sports were only in middle school. In high school, it was always him
who was the leader of the pack of minors who he encouraged to help him steal, deal, etc.
Now that he can go to the bars, his friends are now nearing 30. These kids have already
been through four years of college and are partying there lives away. But what does a 18yo
do with a group of 30 yo single men?
<skip that, I don't want to know>

backtracking to middle school we also heard the drama demon telling TALL tales of sexual
encounters. I sorta skipped that battle. But, he countered with online threats to another
boy at school, even after he told me he was only joking, and was suspended for two weeks.

Our computer was constantly slow due to the keylogger running for so many years.
I was grateful I chose to do so, because the other boy showed only "half" of the situation.
I also showed the texts and the computer chats and emails when the school and the
sheriff's department wanted to have a search warrant issued on our home address.
The other boy who's parents did have the search warrant, did have over $10,000
worth of "equipment". Both boys said they were just "fixing"/"trading" the stuff.
Nothing was broke though.

If I had to do it again, I'd discipline firmly in my case, based on the fact that the school
or law enforcement has the right to search and seize his phone/computer/etc at any time
(which later on really did happen several times). I'd discipline that "we" do not represent
ourselves as people who act/pretend/fake/joke about illegal activities, story/rumor/gossip
gloating, or anything of the likes. But I understand you, storytelling seems minor in a
"whole picture" view of a difficult child.

Also, for the life of me, I never saw drugs, money, or stolen goods in my home.
Because they were not there. But difficult child was using/dealing and stealing. THEY are
smarter than us, with the help of cell phones and computers of course.

I'd search his head to see why he feels he needs to "joke" like this..see?
Maybe redirect him towards some other activity or social group?
Good luck.