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Help don't know what I'm doing with my 'adult' child!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 414689" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Just FYI - </p><p> </p><p>These children are VERY smart. You are <em><u><strong><span style="color: magenta">just starting to see</span></strong></u></em> that your old way of punishing isn't working. My hindsight? The same EXACT ways of punishment with Dude? Stopped working with him at age 10 - and I was still using those antiquated methods at age 15. HE knew they didn't work at age 11. (Talk about your slow learners - ME) So for about 4 years - he manipulated me into "OH NO MOMMY PLEASE DO NOT TAKE MY XXX." and I would think "AH HA!!!! I have him now - and he would play along with the 'game' making me think I was really doing something effective - when in reality? I was doing nothing more than making him sit back in his room while he played with the thing he REALLY wanted to play with - alone, uninterrupted, only to act disappointed when I popped my head in the door to see if my HARD CORE PUNITIVE methods were 'getting my point across'. ie: I GOT PLAYED TO THE MAX. - Don't be ashamed of this - I was told my kid was a master manipulator at a very very early age. (Probably took me a YEAR in therapy to get over just THAT) </p><p> </p><p>I think you did excellent with your Mother - by the way. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the grass, lawn mower and not starting? I will give you my thoughts - ALWAYS have a plan B - okay lawn doesnt' get cut - YOU CAN DO XX instead to help me today. NO ONE gets off SCOTT FREE. There should always be a house plan B, and possible a plan C - try to get at least 2 steps ahead. It's hard to think like that - but possible. And it freaks your kids out like you can't believe when you do. (it'll freak you out for a while when you start doing it just to see the look on their faces when you pop off with - "Oh and if you can't mow the lawn for some reason - then I want the driveway swept by broom, and if for some reason you can't get that done - call me I have another job for you, but you'll probably with you had swept the driveway, or mowed the lawn."</p><p> </p><p>Hugs Mom - you're doing great! - And get that for sale sign in the car window. Nothing motivates a teen - like selling his car. And no discussing it - after you've discussed it with him once? The sign goes in. FINI!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 414689, member: 4964"] Just FYI - These children are VERY smart. You are [I][U][B][COLOR=magenta]just starting to see[/COLOR][/B][/U][/I] that your old way of punishing isn't working. My hindsight? The same EXACT ways of punishment with Dude? Stopped working with him at age 10 - and I was still using those antiquated methods at age 15. HE knew they didn't work at age 11. (Talk about your slow learners - ME) So for about 4 years - he manipulated me into "OH NO MOMMY PLEASE DO NOT TAKE MY XXX." and I would think "AH HA!!!! I have him now - and he would play along with the 'game' making me think I was really doing something effective - when in reality? I was doing nothing more than making him sit back in his room while he played with the thing he REALLY wanted to play with - alone, uninterrupted, only to act disappointed when I popped my head in the door to see if my HARD CORE PUNITIVE methods were 'getting my point across'. ie: I GOT PLAYED TO THE MAX. - Don't be ashamed of this - I was told my kid was a master manipulator at a very very early age. (Probably took me a YEAR in therapy to get over just THAT) I think you did excellent with your Mother - by the way. As far as the grass, lawn mower and not starting? I will give you my thoughts - ALWAYS have a plan B - okay lawn doesnt' get cut - YOU CAN DO XX instead to help me today. NO ONE gets off SCOTT FREE. There should always be a house plan B, and possible a plan C - try to get at least 2 steps ahead. It's hard to think like that - but possible. And it freaks your kids out like you can't believe when you do. (it'll freak you out for a while when you start doing it just to see the look on their faces when you pop off with - "Oh and if you can't mow the lawn for some reason - then I want the driveway swept by broom, and if for some reason you can't get that done - call me I have another job for you, but you'll probably with you had swept the driveway, or mowed the lawn." Hugs Mom - you're doing great! - And get that for sale sign in the car window. Nothing motivates a teen - like selling his car. And no discussing it - after you've discussed it with him once? The sign goes in. FINI! [/QUOTE]
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