help for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lisad1, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. lisad1

    lisad1 New Member

    Hi everyone. I'm having major trouble with my 15 yr old. She's sneaking alcohol, sneaking on the computer to meet boys on myspace. Stealing things from me. Getting poor grades in school. I looked into boot camps but can't find one I can afford. Does anyone have any advice for me? She lives with her Dad during the week and with me on the weekends. Her Dad doesn't know what to do either, but he thinks boot camp is too extreme.
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Has she ever seen an adolescent psychiatrist for an evaluation? Is she on any medications? Is she in therapy?
     
  3. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Is there alcohol in the house? Just my opinion but you can lock it up or get it out of the house period. And if she has online access in her room, Not a good idea!!! Get the computer out of her room and password it to prevent her from going online at all without your permission. I do not drink (No alcohol in the home) so whatever alcohol my difficult child was getting was unfortunately given to her by others that were very giving and she would come home drunk here and there. And the computer, I have the computer in a main part of the house that is always visible to me for lurking when my difficult child is on the computer (When she was in the home) and I do not have a web cam. Boot camps can be extremely expensive and is not always the answer unless your difficult child is a willing participant and wants to change for the better. I am sure others will be along shortly to share their thoughts and experiences.
     
  4. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I am wondering if she is stable on the right kind or medications, and if she has a regular appointment with a psychiatrist and therapist. Does she have interests/hobbies that she is allowed to participate in? Where is she getting the alchohol? I agree with locking it up or getting it out of the house if there is any at home. The worst mistake we made is letting our kids have computers in their rooms with free access to the internet. The computer really should be in the main part of the house with software installed so you can moniter her activity. Does she have an IEP at the school? difficult child's often need lots of structure.
     
  5. lisad1

    lisad1 New Member

    She is on prozac and statera. The computer is in the main part of my house, she has never had one in her room, here or at her Dad's. She just sneaks to go on it. I have woken up in the middle of the night and caught her online. Most of the time, I remove the keyboard before I go to bed. She does have a psychologist, and a psychiatrist for medications. She was on drumline last fall, but we didn't let her try out for winterline as her grades were too low. My ex-husband agreed to let her try out for drumline again this summer, and I already paid him my half for her to go to band camp.
    Sometimes I think she's trying, hard to tell as she lies and denies constantly.
     
  6. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> welcome to the board, lisa. it's good you found us.

    first, in addition to this forum you might want to pay a visit to the teens & substance abuse forum as well.

    when did she start drinking? how much is she drinking? have you tested her for any drugs ~~~ you can use a home testing kit. they sell them at the pharmacy. alcohol & drugs often go together so it would be wise for you &/or ex to do a test....i'd make them like pop quizes.

    your profile states that sara might have bipolar as well. where are you guys in investigating this possibility? i see she's not trialing any mood stabilizers at this point.

    you & ex must school yourselves to remove the keyboard every time you are not there to supervise her computer time. they can still navigate if you only take the mouse....clever little devils taht they are.

    an important component is to find out just how much she is drinking. rehab may be in order.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Both Prozac and Strattera are antidepressants. Antidepressants can make an adolescent with bipolar disorder much, much worse. Your difficult child may be self-medicating with alcohol because her medications are making her feel bad. I strongly recommend a reevaluation to determine whether she truly has BiPolar (BP), and then whether the medications are making things worse instead of better.
     
  8. lisad1

    lisad1 New Member

  9. lisad1

    lisad1 New Member

    She was re-evaluated last November and the dr decided she has ADD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The bi-polar idea is mine based on her behavior. I don't know if she hasn't, the dr didn't diagnose it.
    I don't think she's drinking a lot, but I don't even know when she's doing it. I just spoke to her dad, and he's going to make an appointment with her therapist. I told him she can no longer spend the night here at least until my husband gets home from deployment. I can't be up all night watching her. I just feel like she's spiraling out of control, and I feel powerless to stop it. Every chance she's given she blows. Everytime we try to give her an inch, she makes the wrong choices. We've been telling her for 2 years that it is dangerous to meet boys on myspace, but she continues and then these boys are calling my cell phone looking for her. To those of you who've been in similar situations, did anything you do help your kid? How did your difficult child turn out?
    I'm definetely going to be taking the computer keyboard every time she's here.
     
  10. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Ask the psychiatrist about the medications she's on -- both can cause hypersexuality and disinhibition if the diagnosis is wrong and even if the diagnosis is right. If the psychiatrist does not give you a satisfactory response, you may need to find a new one.
     
  11. oceans

    oceans New Member

    What makes you think she is bipolar? I always thought my difficult child was, and he has a first cousin that is. There have not been any doctors who will diagnose him that way because they do not see the mania. I have seen behavior that I believe is manic, but I was always told that it was a reaction to the anti Depressants. After a few stimulant trials and a zillion AD trials not working.. and even making things worse, I talked them into trying to add Lamictal. The Lamital is the only thing that has ever worked. Then they added a little Zyprexa and things improved even more. I don't exactly know what that means...that bipolar medications are the only ones that have ever work for him. All I know is that I have read that there are some people who are soft bipolar..on the spectrum but not bipolar I, and also bipolar is not easy to diagnose in kids.
     
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In fact, we have had a member who had a child meet up with strangers from myspace before. Do you get their phone#s on your cell phone? I would call the police.

    Why do you even let her on the computer? I took that privilege from my difficult child a long time ago. She is doing well now and I still do not let her on. She makes dangerous choices, so why allow her the opportunity to make yet another dangerous choice?
     
  13. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    Trust me boot camps are not always the answer. My son went to one when he was 15 and did well there. He made rank faster than anyone and excelled thru the program. he told us things we did not know and we became very close. Made all those "promises" difficult child's mke when they are away, etc.
    When he came home it was all good for about a month or 2 but then he fell again. Now we are back in placement waiting for the next spot somewhere. He drank ( and we don't keep alcohol in the house, because we don't drink) He smokes pot and so on. Computer was off limits because of porn.
    Try looking into therapy, doctors, etc. Boot camps only work if the kids want to change
     
  14. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Is she in therapy of any kind? I would start there and talk to the psychiatrist about the medications. My difficult child is much younger but stimulants and antidepressants made her spin out of control and make poor choices.

    Steph
     
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