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Help I need help kicked my son out
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 70175" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Hon, get yourself to a therapist and get some medications NOW!!!! You have two other kids who need you.</p><p></p><p>The detaching is not easy but you're going to have to let go. I wouldn't even go to his therapy. It isn't your responsibility. He's 18, living with others. Don't call him. Let him call you (mine would only call when she needed something but I had to accept that that was the way it was). </p><p></p><p>For me, I found that if I kept busy it helped. It was when I was going to bed that it would hit me my daughter was gone and I had no idea where she was, who she was with or if she was safe. During the day, I worked, took walks, saw my therapist, picked up a needlepoint I hadn't touched in a few years, saw friends I hadn't seen in years, scrubbed the house. Did it make the pain go away? Not really but it did help me cope. Getting back on medications for depression helped the pain.</p><p></p><p>I had to accept that I couldn't force her to come home. She was legally of age even though her emotional and maturity level were well below that. The best I could do was let her know that I loved her and if she was willing to follow house rules she could come home but if she came home and didn't follow house rules, I would show her where the door was rather than letting her finding it on her own. Sadly, I didn't follow through the first two times she left. She knows that this is her last chance.</p><p></p><p>As to how do you know when they've hit bottom? It may be trial and error. It was for me. The last time she moved out, she hinted at coming home when her friends had had enough of her garbage. I said sorry, but no. I wasn't going to do it again. She then joined a carnival and I thought that might honestly be her bottom. It wasn't. It turns out she left the carny and became homeless, finally ending up in a truly cockroach-infested, gang-ridden town. THAT was her bottom. Nice, middle class girls really don't have an idea how to cope in that environment, so she called and asked to come home. We actually had a couple of discussions before I would agree to letting her come home. I have seen huge differences in her since she came home. </p><p></p><p>To me, detachment stinks!!! But the alternative was killing me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 70175, member: 3626"] Hon, get yourself to a therapist and get some medications NOW!!!! You have two other kids who need you. The detaching is not easy but you're going to have to let go. I wouldn't even go to his therapy. It isn't your responsibility. He's 18, living with others. Don't call him. Let him call you (mine would only call when she needed something but I had to accept that that was the way it was). For me, I found that if I kept busy it helped. It was when I was going to bed that it would hit me my daughter was gone and I had no idea where she was, who she was with or if she was safe. During the day, I worked, took walks, saw my therapist, picked up a needlepoint I hadn't touched in a few years, saw friends I hadn't seen in years, scrubbed the house. Did it make the pain go away? Not really but it did help me cope. Getting back on medications for depression helped the pain. I had to accept that I couldn't force her to come home. She was legally of age even though her emotional and maturity level were well below that. The best I could do was let her know that I loved her and if she was willing to follow house rules she could come home but if she came home and didn't follow house rules, I would show her where the door was rather than letting her finding it on her own. Sadly, I didn't follow through the first two times she left. She knows that this is her last chance. As to how do you know when they've hit bottom? It may be trial and error. It was for me. The last time she moved out, she hinted at coming home when her friends had had enough of her garbage. I said sorry, but no. I wasn't going to do it again. She then joined a carnival and I thought that might honestly be her bottom. It wasn't. It turns out she left the carny and became homeless, finally ending up in a truly cockroach-infested, gang-ridden town. THAT was her bottom. Nice, middle class girls really don't have an idea how to cope in that environment, so she called and asked to come home. We actually had a couple of discussions before I would agree to letting her come home. I have seen huge differences in her since she came home. To me, detachment stinks!!! But the alternative was killing me. [/QUOTE]
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