You are going to have a very very tough time keeping custody of your children if something doesn't change soon. I know it is stressful. I know you feel a need to get things done around the house, but you simply MUST have the baby or the older child with you at EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. I DO know how hard this is. I spent several years taking my daughter with me even into the bathroom to keep her safe from her older brother. I really, truly understand how hard it is to not have a single solitary moment to yourself. You have to arrange for a sitter with the same level of vigilance or for their dad to have the same vigilance or you will lose custody.
I don't say this to scare you. But when the baby shows up somewhere with bruises or cuts or other signs of abuse, the county is not going to care that it is your other child doing the abuse. They will simply take custody away from you. They will determine that you cannot protect the baby, so they will take both children. I DO NOT want you to go through that. I am not saying htis just to scare you. I have been through it/ My husband took our oldest son to the restroom, I took our daughter until our youngest was born, then I ended up taking both of them with me. It was the only way to keep them safe, and I didn't manage even them to prevent all of the abuse from my oldest from happening.
Make the calls for the evaluations. While you wait, keep the baby with you at all times, even at night if you need to.
You also need to make a safety plan. Alarms on doors, latches up high out of your children's reach to keep the older one from getting outside with-o you knowing, allo f these things need to be installed, then written up so that you can show that you have a safety plan that covers when your difficult child gets past you or under the radar and ends up hurting the little one or himself. Because the county or city WILL come look at some point if the difficult child keeps abusing the baby the way he has so far. Medicine may help this, it may not. No one can make any guarantees if the medications will help.
It will most likely take a LONG time to find the right medication combo. And it will need to be tweaked or changed frequently. You need to get a safety plan ASAP, before their is a report of abuse made about one of the kids. Sooner or later on of the doctors will have to make a report - NOT because they won't understand how it happened, but because it is the law.
We had to go through it, it truly stunk, and it really was upsetting. Esp because the doctor who finally did make a report did so because we came to her for help for our daughter. Jess needed therapy to deal with all the abuse her brother put her through. Because even iwth a safety plan (that included moving in with my parents so we would have FOUR adults to help supervise the kids and keep them safe) and all the supervision we could provide, our daughter still ended up being abused.
So it can and problem will happen. Make the safety plan and implement it BEFORE you need it, and you will be glad you did. You can get door and window alarms at radio shack, it doesn't have to be a full-fledged alarm system, just door and window alarms to make sure you know if he tries to get out of the house or into the baby's room.
But please don't let this wait. EACH of your kids deserves a safe place to live, and your protection. difficult child may not learn safe behaviors as easily as other kids because his birthmom's drug use while pregnant.
Sorry. This wasn't anymore fun to write than it is to read.
