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Help I need help with my 3 year old!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 204667" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I hear you on the negative reactions from other people. It's almost as if they are afraid it is contagious. Although to a certain extent, misbehaviour IS contagious with small children, they see another kid "mucking up" and take it for permission.</p><p></p><p>Now is when you find who your real friends are. Don't feel too sad - these people always were going to react like this. All that has happened, is your current situation with your child has simply brought it out into the open. It needn't have been a problem child that showed you, it could have been a crisis in your physical health, for example. Also unfortunate - sometimes church congregations, the ones you most rely on for compassion, can be the ones to let you down the most. Don't take it as all of them, or even as representative of Christianity (or any other religion). This can happen with any group of people gathered together for any one of a number of purposes. Under everything, they're still just people, with all the usual flaws and weaknesses. The religious bit just says they're supposed to try harder, that's all. There's nothing to say they're supposed to succeed.</p><p></p><p>It DOES get better, with other people. They take longer to come on board, that's all. We stopped going to church every week, we don't go very often at all these days. Partly due to a busy life, partly due to health problems (mine, husband's, mother in law's) and partly due to not overloading difficult child 3 or the congregation.</p><p></p><p>We did in the end keep difficult child 3 out of Sunday School. For a while, I would go sit in with him, he also had older siblings in there. I considered myself or easy child as his aide in Sunday School. I actuallly led Sunday School (on a roster basis) and would take him on the weeks when I was on duty - that way I could keep an eye not only on difficult child 3, but on the other kids, some of whom were being mean to him. However, once he started "big school" the 'mean girls" actually became his protectors and reported EVERYTHING to me or easy child. Even incidents of teachers bullying difficult child 3 were reported by the kids. Mind you, the school never accepted that these incidents happened, but they never happened again after I reported it.</p><p></p><p>SO you COULD also view Sunday School as an indication of how things are likely to go, in "big school" with the same level of support. USe it to practice, maybe set yourself in place as an aide and see what you need to do to help him, and where you can back away and leave him to do things for himself. Observe, see what he can manage and see where he flounders. This gives you advance warning.</p><p></p><p>Again - keep that diary. Here is where you need to write down what you did and what you observed as a result. It is all information that his doctors and therapists will value immensely. Even doctors and therapists you've not yet met. In ten years time, this information will still be of value. You can't be expected to remember it all - you need your brain cells for more important work!</p><p></p><p>Tweaking medications may help to a certain extent, but whatever is underlying here, is always going to be there. medications just make it easier for him to adapt and cope, sometimes.</p><p></p><p>If you really feel angry at people's behaviour, make yourself a badge. Or a t-shirt. Put on it something like, "My child has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). No big deal. You can't catch it."</p><p></p><p>I saw a group of young teen disabled kids and a couple of them were wearing t-shirts that read, "I'm disabled. Not stupid." Another shirt read, "I'm disabled. What's your excuse?"</p><p>The kids in difficult child 3's drama class are amazingly supportive of one another. They are generally happy to be themselves, some of the bright ones can be a little too smug about being Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) but otherwise they are great kids. There is an honesty about them and about how they express themselves - when one of these kids voluntarily gives you a hug, you know they mean it. When they greet you with, "Hi! Lovely to see you!" you KNOW they are really glad to see you. These kids trust one another as they never can fully trust 'normal' people. One of these kids was a former schoolmate (a year ahead) of difficult child 3. When they attended study days together, the older boy would look after difficult child 3 like a little brother, steering him away from bullies and telling him the same advice he had always been told but had never fully taken on board. By being able to help difficult child 3, it was the final part of the puzzle and he was then able to see how he could make these strategies work for himself. He now goes to a Special Education unit in a mainstream setting, a unit for very bright Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. It was a long process to get him there, a process which has required support and careful consideration of placement all the way through.</p><p></p><p>You and your son are at the beginning of a long journey, but the end of the journey is adulthood, independence and a satisfying, fulfilled life. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 204667, member: 1991"] I hear you on the negative reactions from other people. It's almost as if they are afraid it is contagious. Although to a certain extent, misbehaviour IS contagious with small children, they see another kid "mucking up" and take it for permission. Now is when you find who your real friends are. Don't feel too sad - these people always were going to react like this. All that has happened, is your current situation with your child has simply brought it out into the open. It needn't have been a problem child that showed you, it could have been a crisis in your physical health, for example. Also unfortunate - sometimes church congregations, the ones you most rely on for compassion, can be the ones to let you down the most. Don't take it as all of them, or even as representative of Christianity (or any other religion). This can happen with any group of people gathered together for any one of a number of purposes. Under everything, they're still just people, with all the usual flaws and weaknesses. The religious bit just says they're supposed to try harder, that's all. There's nothing to say they're supposed to succeed. It DOES get better, with other people. They take longer to come on board, that's all. We stopped going to church every week, we don't go very often at all these days. Partly due to a busy life, partly due to health problems (mine, husband's, mother in law's) and partly due to not overloading difficult child 3 or the congregation. We did in the end keep difficult child 3 out of Sunday School. For a while, I would go sit in with him, he also had older siblings in there. I considered myself or easy child as his aide in Sunday School. I actuallly led Sunday School (on a roster basis) and would take him on the weeks when I was on duty - that way I could keep an eye not only on difficult child 3, but on the other kids, some of whom were being mean to him. However, once he started "big school" the 'mean girls" actually became his protectors and reported EVERYTHING to me or easy child. Even incidents of teachers bullying difficult child 3 were reported by the kids. Mind you, the school never accepted that these incidents happened, but they never happened again after I reported it. SO you COULD also view Sunday School as an indication of how things are likely to go, in "big school" with the same level of support. USe it to practice, maybe set yourself in place as an aide and see what you need to do to help him, and where you can back away and leave him to do things for himself. Observe, see what he can manage and see where he flounders. This gives you advance warning. Again - keep that diary. Here is where you need to write down what you did and what you observed as a result. It is all information that his doctors and therapists will value immensely. Even doctors and therapists you've not yet met. In ten years time, this information will still be of value. You can't be expected to remember it all - you need your brain cells for more important work! Tweaking medications may help to a certain extent, but whatever is underlying here, is always going to be there. medications just make it easier for him to adapt and cope, sometimes. If you really feel angry at people's behaviour, make yourself a badge. Or a t-shirt. Put on it something like, "My child has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). No big deal. You can't catch it." I saw a group of young teen disabled kids and a couple of them were wearing t-shirts that read, "I'm disabled. Not stupid." Another shirt read, "I'm disabled. What's your excuse?" The kids in difficult child 3's drama class are amazingly supportive of one another. They are generally happy to be themselves, some of the bright ones can be a little too smug about being Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) but otherwise they are great kids. There is an honesty about them and about how they express themselves - when one of these kids voluntarily gives you a hug, you know they mean it. When they greet you with, "Hi! Lovely to see you!" you KNOW they are really glad to see you. These kids trust one another as they never can fully trust 'normal' people. One of these kids was a former schoolmate (a year ahead) of difficult child 3. When they attended study days together, the older boy would look after difficult child 3 like a little brother, steering him away from bullies and telling him the same advice he had always been told but had never fully taken on board. By being able to help difficult child 3, it was the final part of the puzzle and he was then able to see how he could make these strategies work for himself. He now goes to a Special Education unit in a mainstream setting, a unit for very bright Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. It was a long process to get him there, a process which has required support and careful consideration of placement all the way through. You and your son are at the beginning of a long journey, but the end of the journey is adulthood, independence and a satisfying, fulfilled life. Marg [/QUOTE]
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