Help! Ideas needed.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Nov 4, 2011.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So secure transport will pick difficult child up at 9:30 monday morning. School starts at 7:50. I want to keep him home and he is to be picked up here......just would be horrible to be picked up at school, in my humble opinion. I don't want to lie to him, and he likes school so he won't want to stay home just for a hooky day. I thought about saying he had a doctor appointment and then telling him 15 minutes before they get here that the appointment is at a treatment center and why he is going, but them anytime he goes to the doctor that could bite me me.
     
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    OY.

    Could you send him off to school and then pick him up? Don't know under what pretense. Dr appointment is actually legitimate, but like you said, may not be prudent for the future.

    Do you have any idea how long he will be there? Maybe call it sleep away camp? Sorry, I'm at a loss.
     
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    what about instead of doctor, a new therapist??? it is a tough situation.
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    so now i am wondering, You were not planning to tell him, because??? ( I think I know but dont want to assume) There is no way he would calm down and go better when they come if he is prepared? Would he freak if you called it a medicine hospital or something that will help him realize that there is a medication problem you need to sort through? sorry if you already explained this... How old is he? I forgot. I just went thru a milder form of this on the phone with difficult child's doctor...he wants to stay at the hospital till sunday to say goodbye to a nurse, but he wont be...do we tell him now to let him adjust or to risk tearing the place apart, or do we just wait and tell him, time to go home...and then I am kicked and hit all the way home for 40 minutes? it might not go that way, usually doesn't but I just am a little afraid of some weird thing happening now ...
    That is really a huge issue, it goes on to on Monday they want him to have a shorter day to allow him to re-adjust but he might flip, so I decided to tell him several days ago and let them deal with the loss of his precious bus for a day. he actually ended up doing great (we will see THAT morning). i agree leaving from school is not a good idea. Kids are not supposed to know why my difficult child is gone and yet a kid at conferences asked me if difficult child was in a mental hospital. How the he** would he know? something is wrong with that and it could end up that difficult child is teased now. I would protect your guy from that as much as possible. I think the option of picking him up if need be and bringing him home to the ride may be better if he has to go to school to make this happen.

    ok, Im no help, maybe should just delete this ...it just hits too close to home...
     
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Is there any chance he'd believe school is out or was cancelled for the day? If you don't wake him up for school, would he possibly sleep until shortly before they come?
     
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    He is 13, and the problem is that he has seen his dad go to so many hospitals that I don't want to call it a hospital. He does not sleep in even on weekends. Sleep awaycamp would trigger him hard core, he would flip hardcore over that one.
     
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This is a tough one- one I struggled with several times when I was awaiting police to TDO or arrest my son. I had to lie- but then the trust that is broken and the anxiety left in the kid when living at home again and 'you really are sick' or 'you really do need him at home' or whatever that lie was, is very long lasting. Maybe let him go to school- go get him out of school shortly before they are due to arrive. I don't know- I feel for you. I guess this is the one advantage of having a kid go to a place upon release from Department of Juvenile Justice- they transport him (at least they BETTER) and even this place looks better than Department of Juvenile Justice.
     
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I wish you could just get them to come earlier, but obviously that is just a pipe dream. I feel for you. I will let you know tonight if it paid off for me to tell difficult child early about discharge tomorrow...yikes. I would be afraid for a long time if i lied on that one too...saying school is out, that may not be so bad though, because in future you can just show a calendar. He would likely know if there was no school though so then again????

    What does your gut say to do??? I will go that route, :0)
     
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow - are you sure you can't tell him ahead of time? I mean. It just will be such a huge shock, and he might feel as if you have tricked him by not telling him ahead of time. I only broach this subject because I speak from experience - my parents did this to me at 16 without warning or prior knowledge. The fact of getting there and realizing I would not leave for months was perhaps more traumatic than actually ever being there to begin with. It took me years to rebuild trust with my parents - and there is still a seed of resentment that bubbles from time to time. I don't know what the answer is - but I think he needs to be in the know even if he flips. Sorry - I can only tell you how I would want it to happen if I was him. A lot of times, rtcs have the kids "visit" and then tell them they are staying.....maybe another route with more mental prep time for him?
     
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I'd keep it simple - we have an appointment Monday so you need to stay home. It's not a lie.

    I understand not wanting to tell him. While thank you was 9 when he went to first Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we also didn't tell him beforehand. Actually, he was in the hospital when plans were finalized. He got discharged, came home, and we told him then that we were going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It happened so fast (and maybe because he was younger) that he really didn't have much chance to react - he did know what Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was. Loaded everyone back in the van and we were off.

    Second 2 times, he went straight from hospital to Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    My heart is with you - I know how incredibly difficult this is, but I also hope that it will be the beginning of some forward progress and many good things for your difficult child.

    Gentle hugs.
     
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs.
     
  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    steely, your post spoke volumes to me, as did some from the old thread that liahona posted the link to. I cannot tell him this weekend, s2bx would create havoc. I will let him sleep till he wales up, and then tell him. If I could tel him tomorrow I would, but s2bx would create so much drama and chaos that I cannot risk it. I think I will tell him that I was worried he would be so angry he would tell at me the while way up so that is why someone else is taking him up.

    I had to go get him more sucks and underwear tonight, plus a marker to mark all his clothes. Tomorrow I will hit up costco for a winter coat, he either loses or destroys them every year.

    I think since he is leaving I am hyper aware of everything about him, good or bad. That is hard, as or strengthens my resolve sometimes and weakens it at others. He is going and I won't back down.
     
  14. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thinking of you at this challenging time. You are doing an amazing job.

    :Grouphug::hugs::flowers::consoling:
     
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