Hoping4answers
New Member
Hi everyone!
I have been on a search for the last couple weeks trying to find ANY info or just another person in my boat...
I have an 11 yr old daughter who started telling her grandma (for now) that I abuse her...in fact she has taken the stories straight from the book...A Child Called It by David Pelzer which her teachers said was fine for her. Most recently she told my mom that I dragged her up the stairs just for not going to bed when I said and subsequently told her that if I miscarried it would be all her fault. Mind you I am 5'3" and 90 lbs...she is 5'0" and 70 lbs. When in fact what happened was that I did what was recommended by a therapist...tell her you'll help her if she needs it if she can't be a big girl and put my arm around her and GUIDE her. She then put most of her weight on me and I had to get her up the stairs...she stayed shoulder to shoulder the entire time with her feet ON THE FLOOR! When she first mentioned this to my mom she would not give her details. When I explained the situation...that she had been beating up her sister and behaving very badly all day so I sent her to bed...my mom dropped it and brought it up to her again a few days later in which she again was unable to tell her what she meant. A few days ago with my husband we went over the situation with her and she admitted that it had in fact happened as I remembered. We then demonstrated how being DRAGGED is completely different....my husband laid on the floor and I grabbed his hand and we specifically pointed out that his feet would never touch the floor in this case...this was a mistake!! We also asked "is this what happened to you and she said NO! On Thursday when my mom again tried to talk to her she gave her what we showed her verbatim! My next child is 5 years younger than her and difficult child has been beating her since she could move on her own. I foolishly believed it had stopped...6yr daughter was tested numerous times for Leukemia as a result of bruises that wouldn't go away or new ones that were unexplained. We found out a long while back that really she had just managed to keep 6 yr daughter quiet with threats. I have since caught her in act many times and put a video monitor in the room to keep watch. I recently caught her going after my 2 yr DS but until last night truly believed she was leaving my 4 yr DS alone...having wondered many times why...when we asked him and he said she slaps and punches him in the legs or kidney area. Last week my 4 yr DS had a bruise on his back and she was quick to jump in with an excuse about him having fallen on something and followed it up with a look to him and saying..."right, Ephraim?" When we asked why they don't tell every time they said it's because she tells them not to because she'll get in trouble and then we will they were bad...I am truly scared for them when she's around. On Thursday she went to stay at my mom's because no matter how hawk like I am she still finds a way to beat her siblings and this was the only way we could come up with to keep EVERYONE safe. Now that we're really confronting the issues there has been a long history of difficult children angry outbursts, lying, sneaking, stealing (just insignificant things), beatings and so on. Obviously atleast 6 yrs. From the time she was really young she'd get upset if you were smiling and she didn't want you to or if you were smiling at something she said or did she'd respond with a paranoid why are you looking at me? Last year she had tons of problems at school...lack of respect for the teacher, not turning in homework. She has never kept a friend longer than a couple months...until they realize that she's instigating fights between the others in the group and triangulating. When asked about any of this she will respond with you love Kendyll more or person A just doesn't like me anymore. She shows NO emotion and when she does it's purely superficial and has to revolve wround how someone did something to her. As far as she's concerned her hitting her sister is justified because she's annoying. Recently she's started to tell my mom (who is clearly who she believes is her confidant) that if any bruises were to surface on 4 yr DS that is was 6 yr daughter...that my husband and I are lying about her and it's really her sister. It all seems so premeditated and I am so afraid that this will lead us the DCFS investigations...in which they'll find nothing (we don't even spank) but it only takes one person to believe her outrageous lies.
She is a beautiful, smart, and capable girl. She can be so compassionate with the special needs kids at school...but also competitive for their attention. Around adults she's well mannered, polite, and very charismatic. Atleast until they question her about anything...then its war. I don't understand why a kid who is such a smart good at her core kid is behaving this way. Thursday was the hardest day of my parenting career...we love her sooo much and just want to be a whole family again. I feel guilty for what I've allowed her to do to my other kiddies out of pure ignorance and guilty for what she's going through. I know we have to keep doing family activities even if she's not involved because the others deserve that but it feels foreign. And yet my other children seem so much more at ease. My 2 yr DS is usually very clingy but in the short time difficult children been gone he's playing more and the other 2 are laughing more. My difficult child always seethes with anger it seems and with that lifted the others can breathe. I am so confused...I want to help everyone and I hate that to help the other 3 she can't be here. She starts therapy with the pyschologist today and the person watching her during the day when my mom works has a degree in psychiatric and used to run a school for emotional needs kids at one of our local hospitals so she's also been trying to talk to her. I just can't figure out how we've missed this for so long and what to do for her. Her biological fathers family has a long history of clinical depression...he himself has never been diagnosed but attempted suicide and self medicates with alcohol and drugs. His grandmother has attempted suicide over 20 times and is admitted yearly for a psychiatric evaluation. He has had no contact in 9 years so maybe that has changed...but either way what I'm seeing in my difficult child is like deja vu. She seems to be believing her lies and that scares me very much. I am so afraid that repeating over and over that I did not abuse my daughter makes me look guilty. I know that even if DCFS investigated they would find nothing but I want her to get the help before it goes that far.
Thanx for listening to my long winded attempt at explaining. There's much much more. I just want to do what's best for her and everyone involved. We just want her happy and home...while still knowing that the others are safe.
TIA!!!
I have been on a search for the last couple weeks trying to find ANY info or just another person in my boat...
I have an 11 yr old daughter who started telling her grandma (for now) that I abuse her...in fact she has taken the stories straight from the book...A Child Called It by David Pelzer which her teachers said was fine for her. Most recently she told my mom that I dragged her up the stairs just for not going to bed when I said and subsequently told her that if I miscarried it would be all her fault. Mind you I am 5'3" and 90 lbs...she is 5'0" and 70 lbs. When in fact what happened was that I did what was recommended by a therapist...tell her you'll help her if she needs it if she can't be a big girl and put my arm around her and GUIDE her. She then put most of her weight on me and I had to get her up the stairs...she stayed shoulder to shoulder the entire time with her feet ON THE FLOOR! When she first mentioned this to my mom she would not give her details. When I explained the situation...that she had been beating up her sister and behaving very badly all day so I sent her to bed...my mom dropped it and brought it up to her again a few days later in which she again was unable to tell her what she meant. A few days ago with my husband we went over the situation with her and she admitted that it had in fact happened as I remembered. We then demonstrated how being DRAGGED is completely different....my husband laid on the floor and I grabbed his hand and we specifically pointed out that his feet would never touch the floor in this case...this was a mistake!! We also asked "is this what happened to you and she said NO! On Thursday when my mom again tried to talk to her she gave her what we showed her verbatim! My next child is 5 years younger than her and difficult child has been beating her since she could move on her own. I foolishly believed it had stopped...6yr daughter was tested numerous times for Leukemia as a result of bruises that wouldn't go away or new ones that were unexplained. We found out a long while back that really she had just managed to keep 6 yr daughter quiet with threats. I have since caught her in act many times and put a video monitor in the room to keep watch. I recently caught her going after my 2 yr DS but until last night truly believed she was leaving my 4 yr DS alone...having wondered many times why...when we asked him and he said she slaps and punches him in the legs or kidney area. Last week my 4 yr DS had a bruise on his back and she was quick to jump in with an excuse about him having fallen on something and followed it up with a look to him and saying..."right, Ephraim?" When we asked why they don't tell every time they said it's because she tells them not to because she'll get in trouble and then we will they were bad...I am truly scared for them when she's around. On Thursday she went to stay at my mom's because no matter how hawk like I am she still finds a way to beat her siblings and this was the only way we could come up with to keep EVERYONE safe. Now that we're really confronting the issues there has been a long history of difficult children angry outbursts, lying, sneaking, stealing (just insignificant things), beatings and so on. Obviously atleast 6 yrs. From the time she was really young she'd get upset if you were smiling and she didn't want you to or if you were smiling at something she said or did she'd respond with a paranoid why are you looking at me? Last year she had tons of problems at school...lack of respect for the teacher, not turning in homework. She has never kept a friend longer than a couple months...until they realize that she's instigating fights between the others in the group and triangulating. When asked about any of this she will respond with you love Kendyll more or person A just doesn't like me anymore. She shows NO emotion and when she does it's purely superficial and has to revolve wround how someone did something to her. As far as she's concerned her hitting her sister is justified because she's annoying. Recently she's started to tell my mom (who is clearly who she believes is her confidant) that if any bruises were to surface on 4 yr DS that is was 6 yr daughter...that my husband and I are lying about her and it's really her sister. It all seems so premeditated and I am so afraid that this will lead us the DCFS investigations...in which they'll find nothing (we don't even spank) but it only takes one person to believe her outrageous lies.
She is a beautiful, smart, and capable girl. She can be so compassionate with the special needs kids at school...but also competitive for their attention. Around adults she's well mannered, polite, and very charismatic. Atleast until they question her about anything...then its war. I don't understand why a kid who is such a smart good at her core kid is behaving this way. Thursday was the hardest day of my parenting career...we love her sooo much and just want to be a whole family again. I feel guilty for what I've allowed her to do to my other kiddies out of pure ignorance and guilty for what she's going through. I know we have to keep doing family activities even if she's not involved because the others deserve that but it feels foreign. And yet my other children seem so much more at ease. My 2 yr DS is usually very clingy but in the short time difficult children been gone he's playing more and the other 2 are laughing more. My difficult child always seethes with anger it seems and with that lifted the others can breathe. I am so confused...I want to help everyone and I hate that to help the other 3 she can't be here. She starts therapy with the pyschologist today and the person watching her during the day when my mom works has a degree in psychiatric and used to run a school for emotional needs kids at one of our local hospitals so she's also been trying to talk to her. I just can't figure out how we've missed this for so long and what to do for her. Her biological fathers family has a long history of clinical depression...he himself has never been diagnosed but attempted suicide and self medicates with alcohol and drugs. His grandmother has attempted suicide over 20 times and is admitted yearly for a psychiatric evaluation. He has had no contact in 9 years so maybe that has changed...but either way what I'm seeing in my difficult child is like deja vu. She seems to be believing her lies and that scares me very much. I am so afraid that repeating over and over that I did not abuse my daughter makes me look guilty. I know that even if DCFS investigated they would find nothing but I want her to get the help before it goes that far.
Thanx for listening to my long winded attempt at explaining. There's much much more. I just want to do what's best for her and everyone involved. We just want her happy and home...while still knowing that the others are safe.
TIA!!!