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Help me ffigure out a way to help difficult child see that teasing...
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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 405655" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>Interesting responses, thank you, ladies. </p><p></p><p>I think at some level that difficult child understands that teasing kids will ultimately cause him to lose their friendship. Though I am not entirely sure. So i need to work on that. When I have tried to get him to put himself in the other kid's place he just says, well it wouldn't bother me. Don't know if it is defensiveness or some cognitive inability of some sort.</p><p></p><p>But teasing can be a pretty subtle concept in the sense that there are various levels of intensity to it. 13 year old boys constantly seem to be putting each down through good natured teasing. As a mother you listen to it and think that its got to hurt and maybe it does but they all seem to do it. It is like there is a real barnyard pecking order being established.</p><p></p><p>But he just doesn't seem to get the connection that when he is doing some annoying and is asked to stop (like little games in the car that are fun at first but then get annoying) he should stop. Maybe all he can see is the fun part or it is still fun to him--others have moved on. I think you are right Linda that the emotional age is far less. So maybe for a younger kid the game would be fun for longer. </p><p></p><p>But it is also a "fun for me is more important that friendship for us" way of thinking too. Maybe again that is emotional immaturity.</p><p></p><p>And then there is also the 'I have trouble ramping down" part. Problem is, when difficult child is in that state, he doesn't want to be told to ramp down. Imposing consequences, threatening etc, when children are in that state as many of us know is a direct invitation to a big emotional blowout of some sort. I am not sure he really sees it as a problem, so code words or whatever wouldn't be important to him.</p><p></p><p>Susie, I think in the 19 thousand evaluations we have had done on this kid we have never had sensory one done. He is now 13 and can when he chooses find things to do in his room to calm him down. He never had tactile or smell or other kind of sensory issues. Maybe more of just needing an outlet for his physical energy. He was always the kid in K who wanted to throw the ball the hardest (never mind if his partner could catch) etc. As he gets older I am seeing a real need I think for him to physcially challenge himself in some genuine way (not sports wise) but maybe in things like rockclimbing or similar where there is an element of risk. I dunno.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your responses. it has made me try to untangle some of the issues in all this behavior.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 405655, member: 2322"] Interesting responses, thank you, ladies. I think at some level that difficult child understands that teasing kids will ultimately cause him to lose their friendship. Though I am not entirely sure. So i need to work on that. When I have tried to get him to put himself in the other kid's place he just says, well it wouldn't bother me. Don't know if it is defensiveness or some cognitive inability of some sort. But teasing can be a pretty subtle concept in the sense that there are various levels of intensity to it. 13 year old boys constantly seem to be putting each down through good natured teasing. As a mother you listen to it and think that its got to hurt and maybe it does but they all seem to do it. It is like there is a real barnyard pecking order being established. But he just doesn't seem to get the connection that when he is doing some annoying and is asked to stop (like little games in the car that are fun at first but then get annoying) he should stop. Maybe all he can see is the fun part or it is still fun to him--others have moved on. I think you are right Linda that the emotional age is far less. So maybe for a younger kid the game would be fun for longer. But it is also a "fun for me is more important that friendship for us" way of thinking too. Maybe again that is emotional immaturity. And then there is also the 'I have trouble ramping down" part. Problem is, when difficult child is in that state, he doesn't want to be told to ramp down. Imposing consequences, threatening etc, when children are in that state as many of us know is a direct invitation to a big emotional blowout of some sort. I am not sure he really sees it as a problem, so code words or whatever wouldn't be important to him. Susie, I think in the 19 thousand evaluations we have had done on this kid we have never had sensory one done. He is now 13 and can when he chooses find things to do in his room to calm him down. He never had tactile or smell or other kind of sensory issues. Maybe more of just needing an outlet for his physical energy. He was always the kid in K who wanted to throw the ball the hardest (never mind if his partner could catch) etc. As he gets older I am seeing a real need I think for him to physcially challenge himself in some genuine way (not sports wise) but maybe in things like rockclimbing or similar where there is an element of risk. I dunno. Thanks for your responses. it has made me try to untangle some of the issues in all this behavior. [/QUOTE]
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