Help me i am at breaking point

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Help needed, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. Help needed

    Help needed New Member

    Hi all

    I have a child who is 6 years old , i have tried everything in my power to resolve this. This afternoon my son had asked to goto the park i said yes after we get home. So we get home and he runs outside to get his soccerball. Little cutie .
    He came in and i was making a coffee and said i thought we were going to the park i said yes let daddy have a coffee then we will go.
    He grab the broom and was waving it around and i shrugged it off and told him that he would not hit me you would not hurt daddys feelings i turned my back. Then whack straight into my back i composed myself. I composed my self and told him to go to his room we are not going to the park then he ran up and was hitting me in my back.
    Anyhow this is one episode of many yesterday he was pulling kids shirts at school because they wouldnt let him play disrespectful towards his teachers.
    Kicks his brothers when he feels like it swears every name under the sun.

    Wife tells me on the phone its all my fault i brought him up like this . I said to her everything to do with him i deal with getting him ready when we go out to getting him ready before he goes to bed. You dont help out at all and yet you yell at me when he plays up and tell me i dont disaplin him.
    I am a strong person highly confident in my life and job.
    Me and my son we do have a bond that is strong we call each other thunder buddies.
    And this afternoon i sat on the lounge and the little one was out the back playing with his older brothers. My wife sat near me and i thought of my thunder buddy and i started to cry a really deep cry.
    My wife asks me whats wrong and i said what do you mean what is wrong .. i said i cant handle this anymore. And cried more she called the little one up from outside and he seen that i was crying and mummy told him he hurt daddys heart. He has not left my side for the last 2 hrs.
    And keeps asking me daddy why are you broken .
    I felt this did not need to be seen by the kids.
    I also have a 11 year old that is currently back chatting and repeatly asking the same question after i answer the first time.
    My head is spinning i look at the little one and feel disgusted.
    I feel the need to run away but i am a fighter one of my strengths is failure i will never fail if i do i challenge myself again.

    The eldest he works his 16 and he is doing good with him self
    My relationship feels like the wife has no time for me. Fitness and her books is what is the most important to her. The sex life aha what sex life and if it is to happen its me massage her and yeah ..
    Sorry for this ...... i feel my world is falling down and the only time i am happy is when i am at work.
     
  2. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Hello Help Needed,

    I just want to acknowledge your post on this forum, and welcome you. But I am sorry you are having such a difficult time that brought you here to find us. I usually don’t read on the General Parenting forum, because my children are now adults, but for whatever reason I saw your plea for help. I can tell that you are at a breaking point from burn out and weariness from continuously caring for your young 6-year-old son and your pre-teen 11-year-old. You have come to the right place to share your frustrations and vent and tell your stories here. This forum is a safe place and the folks here understand. You are not alone in dealing with these types of situations. It is really difficult and tiring to raise children non-stop day after day, year after year. (sometimes overwhelming.) And if there are continuing behavior problems, it is even more draining, and can easily bring anyone to tears. We have all been there! You are not alone.

    Just telling your story here on the forum can be a relief ~ to tell someone and ask for help, and not keep it bundled inside. You did the right thing to search for some wisdom to assist you, and to make known your need for help. You have taken an important first step.

    I raised 4 children. I also have 4 grandchildren, 2 younger ones that I still care for regularly and often (ages 5 and 9). All children are different and require different tactics and strategies, and all seem to have some idiosyncrasies as well their own special valuable traits to make them the unique persons they are. I understand the issues you described with your “little thunder“ and with the back-talking 11-year-old. It makes it even harder to deal with it when you are not like-minded on the matters to be able to share with your wife and feel distance between you, as you described the situation about your wife.

    At the moment, I will just say that I commend your strength in staying faithful to the tasks at hand and for the courage to reach out for wisdom and guidance on this site. I do not have immediate specific wisdom and guidance to offer at the moment for your situation, other than to encourage you to continue to read others’ threads and posts here on the forum. There is often much we can gain from reading others’ situations that may be similar in some ways to our own. Sometimes it also helps us see that our own situations may not be as unfortunate as someone else, so we see our own blessings in a different light. The information gained here can bring us clarity.

    Other folks will also be along soon to hopefully give some insight for you on your situation. I don’t know what you have tried already regarding counseling, school resources, community programs,etc for the little one. Much of what you described regarding the 11 year old seems like a normal stage or phase at that age, but that does not make it easier to deal with, I know.

    I don’t get the sense that you will run away, although I very well know the feeling of wanting to escape. I am thankful that you find some refuge and relief at your workplace for some periods of respite. Hang in there. I have hopes that as you continue with us here and keep posting, and take one day at a time, gaining support, you are going to be alright. Take care.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 12, 2016
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Done thing you might want to try is to tell your son what you expect him to do...like, can you put the broom down and go get your play shoes on for the park. Instead of don't hit me with the broom. For some reason, on a young child, it can be like giving him ideas!

    Maybe family counseling would be a good idea for you and your wife to get on the same page, then you can have a u tied front for the children.

    Sometimes just venting here can help a bunch...

    KSM
     
  4. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    You can't get the kids in order if your marriage is in disarray. Furthermore kids will notice the disharmony and exploit the disagreements between dad and mom - to their advantage.

    You think adults can be manipulative? Kids are EXPERTS at this!

    So what needs to happen is that both you and your wife need to have the same exact rules and consequences for the kids. Need to be consistent. The two of you need to "gang up" and work together!

    However it sounds like there are some issues which need to be resolved before this can happen. I would recommend counseling. Then both of you take a parenting class like "collaborative parenting" (ask the school counselor if they have this in your area).
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Help Needed

    Welcome and sorry that you are going through such a hard time.

    To piggyback on Praecepta's post - marriage counseling may help a lot. It sounds like you two may have some things to work on yourselves.

    Any time we are dealing with difficult children, the marriage and relationship are bound to suffer. I think it's a miracle my husband and I are doing so well. We were at each other's throats many times though but in the end the love for our son brought us closer.
     
  6. TargetPractice

    TargetPractice Fakin' it 'til I make it!

    I'm so sorry you're hurting, its clear that your heart belongs to your family and that you're a great parent. No specific advice, but I do agree with Kalahou that, if you haven't already, looking into some counseling could be beneficial, possibly some marriage counseling as well. Could you try to talk to your wife about how you feel?

    Hugs and supportive thoughts your way!
     
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