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Help me sort out my feelings...
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<blockquote data-quote="Irene_J" data-source="post: 147897" data-attributes="member: 181"><p>I understand how you feel. My difficult child is now 20, lives at home and attends community college. I don't ask for rent, but she works part time and takes care of her own expenses.</p><p></p><p>My gentle advice would be to let this go. If he is complying in other ways (doing is chores, looking for work, etc.) don't make a fuss. </p><p></p><p>If our difficult children were "normal" you would probably be happy that your child had reached adulthood and you could center your life on other things. But since our difficult children have taken so much from us, we feel as though we were robbed of all of the stages of parenthood. And now that they are adults (and presumably having improved their gfgness) we feel cheated out of all of the joys of parenthood that we do not get to have. Now you understandably want some focus on family, but your difficult child would prefer to be with friends. </p><p></p><p>Most young adults would prefer to be with their friends than home with family, so part of this is just typical behavior. I understand your feelings though. Although I am satisfied with my difficult child's progress, there's a part of me that resents what it took to bring her to this point, and I want her to show some gratitude.</p><p></p><p>If there are some house rules that he is not complying with, by all means, make your requirements for living at home clear to him. I don't know the job situation, but of course he should be actively looking. But it doesn't sound as though he's being defiant, just neglectful of family and/or family time. Sounds just like a regular young person.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Irene_J, post: 147897, member: 181"] I understand how you feel. My difficult child is now 20, lives at home and attends community college. I don't ask for rent, but she works part time and takes care of her own expenses. My gentle advice would be to let this go. If he is complying in other ways (doing is chores, looking for work, etc.) don't make a fuss. If our difficult children were "normal" you would probably be happy that your child had reached adulthood and you could center your life on other things. But since our difficult children have taken so much from us, we feel as though we were robbed of all of the stages of parenthood. And now that they are adults (and presumably having improved their gfgness) we feel cheated out of all of the joys of parenthood that we do not get to have. Now you understandably want some focus on family, but your difficult child would prefer to be with friends. Most young adults would prefer to be with their friends than home with family, so part of this is just typical behavior. I understand your feelings though. Although I am satisfied with my difficult child's progress, there's a part of me that resents what it took to bring her to this point, and I want her to show some gratitude. If there are some house rules that he is not complying with, by all means, make your requirements for living at home clear to him. I don't know the job situation, but of course he should be actively looking. But it doesn't sound as though he's being defiant, just neglectful of family and/or family time. Sounds just like a regular young person. [/QUOTE]
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