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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 444443" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, GO GRANDPARENTS!!!! I would send something nice like homemade treats or something they would enjoy like nice bubble bath for her and something for a hobby for him. It had to be SO HARD for them to say that to a grandchild they love, but they supported both you AND their own beliefs in a way many of us would dearly love to be supported. I don't think they were harsh - they were giving him a loving life lesson no matter how it hurt them (and it did even if they don't admit it!). I wish more people reacted to an 18yo who wanted a sexual relationship with a 14yo that way. in my opinion a call to CPS to protect the 14yo is in order. In some states if they were involved before her birthday it adds to the severity of teh FELONY that their relationship is. Even if her parents don't agree, this girl is being hurt by the relationship with him.</p><p></p><p>If he is a easy child and not a difficult child, then this was a HUGE change in his behavior and drugs need Occupational Therapist (OT) be considered. I would insist on several months or a year of clean drug tests and therapy before moving home could even be discussed. It will give him a chance to be tossed out by his girlfriend's parents and to have to really live with his choices. Otherwise, if he is in this relationship on ANY level then coming home should NOT be an option. NOT until the girl is of legal age. There is just way too much wrong with a 14yo and an 18 yo being involved in a sexual relationship. In many states and countries this makes him a sexual predator. NOT easy for a parent to hear or admit, but it is reality. It also makes him STUPID because it is common knowledge that the girl is jailbait - regardless of HOW they feel.</p><p></p><p>I urge you to call children's services (CPS) and to not think of letting him move home until he gets some real help, not just entering therapy but actually living it. Be aware that as SOON as a therapist hears of this relationship tehy will be required BY LAW to report this. Depending on what you and husband do, and the laws in your state, you and your husband may also be mandated reporters. In my state, though it isn't often enforced, EVERY adult is a mandated reporter, as is anyone who babysits regardless of age. I know because at 15 I had to report abuse of a child. I was not HER babysitter but I still had a LEGAL obligation to report the abuse I saw (cigarette burns on a young girl's legs along with bruises and welts from beatings visible under her long skirt when she came into the store where I worked). </p><p></p><p>I know it isn't easy, but if it were YOUR daughter and you looked back years later at how it damaged her, wouldn't you want someone to have called you on allowing this?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 444443, member: 1233"] First of all, GO GRANDPARENTS!!!! I would send something nice like homemade treats or something they would enjoy like nice bubble bath for her and something for a hobby for him. It had to be SO HARD for them to say that to a grandchild they love, but they supported both you AND their own beliefs in a way many of us would dearly love to be supported. I don't think they were harsh - they were giving him a loving life lesson no matter how it hurt them (and it did even if they don't admit it!). I wish more people reacted to an 18yo who wanted a sexual relationship with a 14yo that way. in my opinion a call to CPS to protect the 14yo is in order. In some states if they were involved before her birthday it adds to the severity of teh FELONY that their relationship is. Even if her parents don't agree, this girl is being hurt by the relationship with him. If he is a easy child and not a difficult child, then this was a HUGE change in his behavior and drugs need Occupational Therapist (OT) be considered. I would insist on several months or a year of clean drug tests and therapy before moving home could even be discussed. It will give him a chance to be tossed out by his girlfriend's parents and to have to really live with his choices. Otherwise, if he is in this relationship on ANY level then coming home should NOT be an option. NOT until the girl is of legal age. There is just way too much wrong with a 14yo and an 18 yo being involved in a sexual relationship. In many states and countries this makes him a sexual predator. NOT easy for a parent to hear or admit, but it is reality. It also makes him STUPID because it is common knowledge that the girl is jailbait - regardless of HOW they feel. I urge you to call children's services (CPS) and to not think of letting him move home until he gets some real help, not just entering therapy but actually living it. Be aware that as SOON as a therapist hears of this relationship tehy will be required BY LAW to report this. Depending on what you and husband do, and the laws in your state, you and your husband may also be mandated reporters. In my state, though it isn't often enforced, EVERY adult is a mandated reporter, as is anyone who babysits regardless of age. I know because at 15 I had to report abuse of a child. I was not HER babysitter but I still had a LEGAL obligation to report the abuse I saw (cigarette burns on a young girl's legs along with bruises and welts from beatings visible under her long skirt when she came into the store where I worked). I know it isn't easy, but if it were YOUR daughter and you looked back years later at how it damaged her, wouldn't you want someone to have called you on allowing this? [/QUOTE]
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