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Help me with my five year old, please
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 240361" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>He's still very young, I don't necessarily see that what you describe are necessarily hallucinations. </p><p></p><p>Because what you describe, was me at that age. And older. I was still getting what I called "waking nightmares" into my teens. I must have been awake because I can still remember them so vividly. I would swear I had seen someone standing in the hallway with the light on, for example. And I remember getting out of bed one night to sit by the window ( I can still remember the feel of the night breeze on my skin) as I watched couples in old-fashioned clothing dancing silently on the lawn below. Those were not the really bad nightmares - the ones I remember were waking and wanting to scream, but no sound would come out. Being terrified to move because the shadows had re-shaped themselves into faces that were peeing round the door at me, watching to see me close my eyes, at which point tey would rush over and attack me, I was sure of it.</p><p></p><p>What I am certain would have helped me at the time, was being given a reading lamp by my bed. The reason - light made the shadows go away. These night terrors were made of shadows and light dissolved them completely.</p><p></p><p>During the day it all seemed so silly. It was only when it was time to go to sleep, that I got anxious. Often going to sleep I was still confident I'd be fine. Waking in the dark after sleep was my problem.</p><p></p><p>Looking back now, I wonder if I was fully awake. I also know now, that a HUGE proportion of this was due to a very high IQ plus an extremely vivid imagination. Not always a good combination in childhood.</p><p></p><p>I also have children who are on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) scale, which is also connected to high IQ in the family. I hd kids who had bad nightmares and who also sleepwalked (some of them).</p><p></p><p>I made sure my kids had bedlamps. If they were too young, they had a nightlight. My parents wanted me to "grow out of it" and didn't want to spoil me. It was a "no frills" upbringing and I have some fairly horrible memories, even though I shouldn't have. I also have memories that go back to before I was a year old. Other things I remember (often at family reunions) have amazed my family, because until I mention them, they don't recall. And it's about them, so why had they forgotten?</p><p></p><p>What you describe could still fit neatly into an Asperger's umbrella, or maybe simply a very bright child with a good imagination and maybe just some sensory issues & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) besides (not quite Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but some traits).</p><p></p><p>However, I do think taking him to see a psychiatrist is perhaps a good step. But I would also see an Occupational Therapist (OT) and a neuropsychologist, as a priority.</p><p></p><p>A very young child with vivid dreams, especially what I called "waking nightmares" where you partly wake but your brain is still dreaming, will have difficulty distinguishing dream from reality. also, I've found this happens again to me later in life when I've been really, really tired.</p><p></p><p>Hallucinations are something different. If he is clearly hallucinating during the day ("Look at that pig flying past! It's a pretty pink colour and it just waved to me.") then you could have a problem. But even then, with such a young child you have Occupational Therapist (OT) be sure it's not just imagination.</p><p></p><p>It is said that a kid with Asperger's doesn't have an imagination. I can tell you - not so. difficult child 3 is fully on the autism spectrum, but has written stories and poems for school. One story I remember he wrote, was about a family of bats having an adventure one night. He wrote it from the point of view of one of the bats. He is particularly good at dialogue.</p><p></p><p>The noises he makes - it could be part of a role-playing game he's constantly got going, or it could be noises that are part of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), or it could be both.</p><p></p><p>It's also possible to have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) with other things, including ADHD. There are so many possibilities.</p><p></p><p>While you're waiting to find out exactly what is going on, get your hands on "The Explosive Child" and try to use it to help you handle him more effectivley and with less stress all round.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, I hope you get some useful answers for him.</p><p></p><p>Une huge tip I will sahre with you - remember the purpose of punishment. It is not to take revenge or exact retribution for crimes committed. Punishment is supposed to prevent recurrence and to teach a lesson. But if your child is not 'getting' the message and if the behaviour is recurring, then change what you are doing because it just isn't working. For example, if he trashes his room because of a rage, chances are he simply can't control himself while raging (a common problem at 5). So step 1, try to prevent a rage and step 2), take measures to protect people and property but otherwise, natural consequences only. For example, if he broke his chest of drawers then he has to do without until they're fixed. A kid who chews gum and sticks it under the table will not be allowed to have any more gum, until he can show that he can be responsible with it. Rewards work better - you reward good behaviour by praise or some other way (not food, not money). Even if you have to work hard to find something good that he's doing. And never take anything back, for a sudden transgression. Or make anything conditional. So to praise a kid you would say, "I'm so happy to see you playing quietly." You do not say, "Look how quietly you're playing. If only you could be like that ALL the time," because you have just totally devalued your praise and turned it into a criticism. The child wiull only hear the negative and you have just chastised the child while he is being good.</p><p></p><p>It's something we often do, purely out of frustration with them, but we need to be constantly mentally alert and be careful to not undermine our own good efforts.</p><p></p><p> The book helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 240361, member: 1991"] He's still very young, I don't necessarily see that what you describe are necessarily hallucinations. Because what you describe, was me at that age. And older. I was still getting what I called "waking nightmares" into my teens. I must have been awake because I can still remember them so vividly. I would swear I had seen someone standing in the hallway with the light on, for example. And I remember getting out of bed one night to sit by the window ( I can still remember the feel of the night breeze on my skin) as I watched couples in old-fashioned clothing dancing silently on the lawn below. Those were not the really bad nightmares - the ones I remember were waking and wanting to scream, but no sound would come out. Being terrified to move because the shadows had re-shaped themselves into faces that were peeing round the door at me, watching to see me close my eyes, at which point tey would rush over and attack me, I was sure of it. What I am certain would have helped me at the time, was being given a reading lamp by my bed. The reason - light made the shadows go away. These night terrors were made of shadows and light dissolved them completely. During the day it all seemed so silly. It was only when it was time to go to sleep, that I got anxious. Often going to sleep I was still confident I'd be fine. Waking in the dark after sleep was my problem. Looking back now, I wonder if I was fully awake. I also know now, that a HUGE proportion of this was due to a very high IQ plus an extremely vivid imagination. Not always a good combination in childhood. I also have children who are on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) scale, which is also connected to high IQ in the family. I hd kids who had bad nightmares and who also sleepwalked (some of them). I made sure my kids had bedlamps. If they were too young, they had a nightlight. My parents wanted me to "grow out of it" and didn't want to spoil me. It was a "no frills" upbringing and I have some fairly horrible memories, even though I shouldn't have. I also have memories that go back to before I was a year old. Other things I remember (often at family reunions) have amazed my family, because until I mention them, they don't recall. And it's about them, so why had they forgotten? What you describe could still fit neatly into an Asperger's umbrella, or maybe simply a very bright child with a good imagination and maybe just some sensory issues & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) besides (not quite Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but some traits). However, I do think taking him to see a psychiatrist is perhaps a good step. But I would also see an Occupational Therapist (OT) and a neuropsychologist, as a priority. A very young child with vivid dreams, especially what I called "waking nightmares" where you partly wake but your brain is still dreaming, will have difficulty distinguishing dream from reality. also, I've found this happens again to me later in life when I've been really, really tired. Hallucinations are something different. If he is clearly hallucinating during the day ("Look at that pig flying past! It's a pretty pink colour and it just waved to me.") then you could have a problem. But even then, with such a young child you have Occupational Therapist (OT) be sure it's not just imagination. It is said that a kid with Asperger's doesn't have an imagination. I can tell you - not so. difficult child 3 is fully on the autism spectrum, but has written stories and poems for school. One story I remember he wrote, was about a family of bats having an adventure one night. He wrote it from the point of view of one of the bats. He is particularly good at dialogue. The noises he makes - it could be part of a role-playing game he's constantly got going, or it could be noises that are part of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), or it could be both. It's also possible to have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) with other things, including ADHD. There are so many possibilities. While you're waiting to find out exactly what is going on, get your hands on "The Explosive Child" and try to use it to help you handle him more effectivley and with less stress all round. Good luck, I hope you get some useful answers for him. Une huge tip I will sahre with you - remember the purpose of punishment. It is not to take revenge or exact retribution for crimes committed. Punishment is supposed to prevent recurrence and to teach a lesson. But if your child is not 'getting' the message and if the behaviour is recurring, then change what you are doing because it just isn't working. For example, if he trashes his room because of a rage, chances are he simply can't control himself while raging (a common problem at 5). So step 1, try to prevent a rage and step 2), take measures to protect people and property but otherwise, natural consequences only. For example, if he broke his chest of drawers then he has to do without until they're fixed. A kid who chews gum and sticks it under the table will not be allowed to have any more gum, until he can show that he can be responsible with it. Rewards work better - you reward good behaviour by praise or some other way (not food, not money). Even if you have to work hard to find something good that he's doing. And never take anything back, for a sudden transgression. Or make anything conditional. So to praise a kid you would say, "I'm so happy to see you playing quietly." You do not say, "Look how quietly you're playing. If only you could be like that ALL the time," because you have just totally devalued your praise and turned it into a criticism. The child wiull only hear the negative and you have just chastised the child while he is being good. It's something we often do, purely out of frustration with them, but we need to be constantly mentally alert and be careful to not undermine our own good efforts. The book helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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