Help Me..

[Courtney3]

Hello, My name is Courtney. I am 21 years old my little sister is almost 9 and has ADHD and ODD. She is out of control. I wake every morning to her doing something she knows not to do so i find myself cleaning up her mess and talking with her that what she is doing is not OK she knows better. These things will be like: sitting on our animals (cats) while they are meowing to get up, peeing in odd places like the dryer, stove and dish washer. Jumping and walking on our cars. Saying and doing annoying things just to annoy us. I do have a 10 month old and there have been times to where she actually hurt my daughter im to the point of being scared for her life i cant ever leave my daughter alone with her im afraid something bad will happen. My mother has a drinking problem shes an alcoholic i believe that has to do with allot of my sisters problem. My mother doesn't pay attention to her only points out the bad. Never consistently punishments. Only spankings no grounding time outs..I live in the house with my husband and daughter and its really affecting our family is there anything i could do...or say to my mom for help. You'll probably have more questions about her...if so message me i need help.
Thanks,
*Courtney

 

[DDD]

Welcome, Courney. I'm sorry to read about your sister. Do you suspect Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)? How is your little sister doing in school? Have they recommended special testing to identify her problems? Sad to say you really can't "do" anything about your Mom's alcohol abuse unless she is prepared to take steps to regain her health. I'm sending hugs your way because you are really in a terrible situation at such a young age. Post more and "perhaps" someone can offer some help. You have found a wonderful group of people who will support you in your efforts. Hugs DDD

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there.
I know you think you know a lot about parenting and not to diss you, but your sister is probably the way she is because she was born differently wired and perhaps had a very chaotic first three years. Did your mom drink when she was pregnant with her? I don't think consistent parenting would change her...your sister has some dangerous behaviors that go beyond ADHD/ODD and she probably needs a new evaluation and better treatment before either of you can manage her. She could have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) (fetal alcohol spectrum) which is often mistaken for ADHD. It is not very treatable.

If you feel she is a danger to your daughter, my best advice is to find another place to stay. You have no legal standing to do anything to help your sister. Have you talked to people in your family who can maybe influence your mom into getting help for both your sister and herself?

I think you have a good heart and want to help, but you are very limited as to what you can do. You may want to start going to Al-Anon so you can learn in real time how other people deal with alcoholic loved ones. You can't do anything to control anyone, including Mom and Sis, but you can help yourself and make a better life for your daughter.

GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE!!!!

I wish you well.

 

[Courtney3]

I Never herd of that but it was mentioned to me a few times i will take a look. Surprisingly she does well.. for the first couple years she did horrible got suspended for being crazy in the classrooms but is OK now. But i am afraid she is not learning well, she can not tell time nor the days.. and some other things she is behind on i've come across a few ADHD children and they know these things i know its wrong of me to compare but i want to help show her mom the issue but she thinks its the schools problem not hers.

 

[Courtney3]

I was thinking that way as well, i mean i know she is wired differently cause her mind just is never in the right place. She never thinks before acting just does...My mother denies drinking while pregnant but she did she did with all her children amongnst other drugs like crack, my mom has five children.
My brother and i thankfully had the same father that took care of us most of our life besides foster care. My sister is the only child she has actually raised...(sort of) shes had my help but now with my daughter and work i never have time. So i believe thats why she has gotten worse, bringing lighters to school abusing animals, peeing in strange places and constantly back talking and putting down my mother. I have a feeling there is no helping her anymore that she'll be going down the road of criminality..i just wish her mother had the ability to change herself for her child and the will to love her. Its sad i see no love in my mothers eyes for any of her children or i just over look it. I will check out the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) i thank you so much for your info it means allot. And also unfortunately we can not move for awhile cant afford it, so kinda stuck.

 

[Courtney3]

I have checked Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) out...i was in silence when i seen the pictures of the children that have it they look so similar to her. She looks like shes sick all the time and never gains any weight shes 47 pounds at the age of almost 9... never really has gained weight i feel so bad for her poor thing. That will probably be something my mom wouldn't even think about ,she never wants to take responsibility of her actions. And it says it gets worse with no help and my mom wont do any of those things to help her own child. I guess its just out of my hands ill just have to get out when i can. Thank you so much for your help, ive finally found an answer...

 

[InsaneCdn]

She could also have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) - either/or, or both. If she failed to develop a trusting bond with a primary caregiver in the first three years of life, it can damage their ability to handle relationships. Many of the behaviors you list could be either.

 

[Courtney3]

She might have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), though when she was younger she was great, around her mother and me all the time never really changed till she was about 4 years old thats when she took a turn for the worst started to put cats in the microwave, wave knives around my mothers face as she slept, and so on. As far as i knew she wasnt abused. I moved out of home when she was five, moved back later. It may be Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), i do know she does have bad social skills.