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help me!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 100039" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>That sounds like my son. He is much better now. He is on Adderal for his ADHD, and we've been in counseling for a while. The therapist has lots of good ideas, how to think outside the box. I'm not very clever that way.</p><p>One thing I'm still learning to do is detach, to not take things so personally when he berates me (and it can be very abusive) and I'll tell him he cannot talk to me like that. Then, when he wants something, which is about 10 sec. later, I can say, "I don't give treats to little boys who treat their mothers like that." And I walk away. He'll have a meltdown but he'll catch on.</p><p>You have to be consistent.</p><p>I notice that you said "These things work for a while, but then they suddenly have no effect."</p><p>Is that because you return the items to him? Or that there's no specific time limit? For ex., if you take away the TV, if you say "I'm taking away the TV privileges for 1 wk.," then you have to give it back in 1 wk. Of course, you can take it away 10 min. after you've returned it, but you still have to make good on the promise. If you say you're going to take it away until he treats you nicely, he may as well say goodbye to it forever, LOL!</p><p>IOW, have a beginning time and ending time, something he can understand. </p><p></p><p>How do your parents handle it when he's mean?</p><p></p><p>Have you ever sat down and talked to him about why he behaves at school and not with-you? If you get him to talk, it will be hard not to interrupt and say, "Then WHY do you do it with-me!?" but try to listen, even if his reply makes no sense. (And it probably won't.) Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 100039, member: 3419"] That sounds like my son. He is much better now. He is on Adderal for his ADHD, and we've been in counseling for a while. The therapist has lots of good ideas, how to think outside the box. I'm not very clever that way. One thing I'm still learning to do is detach, to not take things so personally when he berates me (and it can be very abusive) and I'll tell him he cannot talk to me like that. Then, when he wants something, which is about 10 sec. later, I can say, "I don't give treats to little boys who treat their mothers like that." And I walk away. He'll have a meltdown but he'll catch on. You have to be consistent. I notice that you said "These things work for a while, but then they suddenly have no effect." Is that because you return the items to him? Or that there's no specific time limit? For ex., if you take away the TV, if you say "I'm taking away the TV privileges for 1 wk.," then you have to give it back in 1 wk. Of course, you can take it away 10 min. after you've returned it, but you still have to make good on the promise. If you say you're going to take it away until he treats you nicely, he may as well say goodbye to it forever, LOL! IOW, have a beginning time and ending time, something he can understand. How do your parents handle it when he's mean? Have you ever sat down and talked to him about why he behaves at school and not with-you? If you get him to talk, it will be hard not to interrupt and say, "Then WHY do you do it with-me!?" but try to listen, even if his reply makes no sense. (And it probably won't.) Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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