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<blockquote data-quote="coalminer1235" data-source="post: 100324" data-attributes="member: 4339"><p>What you describe is so familiar that it's spooky. I think the way I'd describe our difficult children behavior is that she believes she was put on this earth to prove to us that we are bad parents and that we hate her. If we won't cooperate by hating her, then she pushes harder and harder until somebody snaps and yells or says something mean that proves her point that we are bad parents who hate her.</p><p></p><p>Recently my wife went upstairs to difficult children room where she was watching a movie. She asked difficult child if she could lay down next to her and watch the movie for a while. difficult child yelled at her "no, get out of my room" then slid over on the bed to make space. How can you possibly win this war? It's clear that she wants and craves attention but at the same time puts up a front so brutal that it makes you want to run away and hide.</p><p></p><p>There can't be a winner in these situations. The only thing I believe you can do is to not lose the war. No matter what difficult child does to me I will be just as stubborn as her and try as hard as I can to make sure I am not hateful and I don't get angry and I don't snap back at her. The number one rule I try to adhere to is to *never* discuss decisions we make about her with her. If we say "no", it is non-negotiable and not open for discussion, period. Often this leads to my wife and I being followed around getting a full on, yelling, screaming rant directed at us where every sin we've ever committed or could have been imagined to have committed is regurgitated to us to prove how horrible we are. You have to learn to be a duck in the rain, and let it roll right on off like water because if we engage her in it for even a single sentence of reply then we have given her rant some shred of validity. </p><p></p><p>On one web page I read about ODD, it suggested having a room in your house where you can lock yourself in so that a difficult child can't get to you. It's good advice. That such advice would be good advice is a clear indication of what we are all up against.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p><p></p><p>griznog</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="coalminer1235, post: 100324, member: 4339"] What you describe is so familiar that it's spooky. I think the way I'd describe our difficult children behavior is that she believes she was put on this earth to prove to us that we are bad parents and that we hate her. If we won't cooperate by hating her, then she pushes harder and harder until somebody snaps and yells or says something mean that proves her point that we are bad parents who hate her. Recently my wife went upstairs to difficult children room where she was watching a movie. She asked difficult child if she could lay down next to her and watch the movie for a while. difficult child yelled at her "no, get out of my room" then slid over on the bed to make space. How can you possibly win this war? It's clear that she wants and craves attention but at the same time puts up a front so brutal that it makes you want to run away and hide. There can't be a winner in these situations. The only thing I believe you can do is to not lose the war. No matter what difficult child does to me I will be just as stubborn as her and try as hard as I can to make sure I am not hateful and I don't get angry and I don't snap back at her. The number one rule I try to adhere to is to *never* discuss decisions we make about her with her. If we say "no", it is non-negotiable and not open for discussion, period. Often this leads to my wife and I being followed around getting a full on, yelling, screaming rant directed at us where every sin we've ever committed or could have been imagined to have committed is regurgitated to us to prove how horrible we are. You have to learn to be a duck in the rain, and let it roll right on off like water because if we engage her in it for even a single sentence of reply then we have given her rant some shred of validity. On one web page I read about ODD, it suggested having a room in your house where you can lock yourself in so that a difficult child can't get to you. It's good advice. That such advice would be good advice is a clear indication of what we are all up against. Good luck! griznog [/QUOTE]
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