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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 19548" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>It is like a spider web around here.</p><p></p><p>This is the third posting I have made this morning regarding these issues, and do you know that with each post I lost, the next one was a little clearer?</p><p></p><p>I am still confused about what I see happening here. But I see now that, far from leaping to protect the mother, I need to detach. Whatever husband and the mother are working out, it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I cannot fix it, and I probably don't even really understand what "it" is.</p><p></p><p>husband says he is responding to keys which are invisible to me because I was not raised as he was.</p><p></p><p>One of them is that the mother constantly says she is hungry. Initially, we (husband even more so than me) felt guilty. We are both thin. husband's family is all quite heavy. We felt we had not been providing enough food frequently enough for someone whose enjoyment centered around what she ate. So, we laid in all kinds of food and acknowledged that any time we left the house with the mother, we would be going out to eat. (The day we brought her to the beach, she insisted she was hungry and wanted to eat dinner on the beach NOW, though it was only about three o'clock and a frigid, windy day absolutely unsuitable for eating on the beach. While it was easy for me to say "Let's come back next week when it is warmer.", husband got this funny, determined look on his face and dragged us all to a little open air restaurant that was at least out of the wind. Seventy-five dollars later, we left the beach. That is the kind of thing I am talking about. The mother insists she is hungry NOW. husband then ups her one by doing what she wants and ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. So, when neither of us are hungry at all? We all sit there and eat food we did not want and do not enjoy WITHOUT ANY CONVERSATION.</p><p></p><p>It is the strangest thing I have ever seen.</p><p></p><p>And so horribly uncomfortable.</p><p></p><p>What, you may ask, did I have at our three o'clock in the afternoon full dinner on the beach in the cutting wind?</p><p></p><p>Why, a marguarita, of course.</p><p></p><p>Initially, I was not going to eat any food? But then, with both husband and his mother ordering full dinners? </p><p></p><p>I got an appetizer of coconut shrimp.</p><p></p><p>Next time?</p><p></p><p>I swear I am going to just drink whatever is handy around here before we ever leave the house.</p><p></p><p>Each of the children in husband's family of origin treats (and views) the mother in exactly the same way.</p><p></p><p>But I absolutely think less of husband since I have seen first hand what he thinks of his mother.</p><p></p><p>I am really upset with him.</p><p></p><p>Now, where is all this coming from, do you suppose?</p><p></p><p>What a mess everything seems to be.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 19548, member: 3353"] It is like a spider web around here. This is the third posting I have made this morning regarding these issues, and do you know that with each post I lost, the next one was a little clearer? I am still confused about what I see happening here. But I see now that, far from leaping to protect the mother, I need to detach. Whatever husband and the mother are working out, it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I cannot fix it, and I probably don't even really understand what "it" is. husband says he is responding to keys which are invisible to me because I was not raised as he was. One of them is that the mother constantly says she is hungry. Initially, we (husband even more so than me) felt guilty. We are both thin. husband's family is all quite heavy. We felt we had not been providing enough food frequently enough for someone whose enjoyment centered around what she ate. So, we laid in all kinds of food and acknowledged that any time we left the house with the mother, we would be going out to eat. (The day we brought her to the beach, she insisted she was hungry and wanted to eat dinner on the beach NOW, though it was only about three o'clock and a frigid, windy day absolutely unsuitable for eating on the beach. While it was easy for me to say "Let's come back next week when it is warmer.", husband got this funny, determined look on his face and dragged us all to a little open air restaurant that was at least out of the wind. Seventy-five dollars later, we left the beach. That is the kind of thing I am talking about. The mother insists she is hungry NOW. husband then ups her one by doing what she wants and ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. So, when neither of us are hungry at all? We all sit there and eat food we did not want and do not enjoy WITHOUT ANY CONVERSATION. It is the strangest thing I have ever seen. And so horribly uncomfortable. What, you may ask, did I have at our three o'clock in the afternoon full dinner on the beach in the cutting wind? Why, a marguarita, of course. Initially, I was not going to eat any food? But then, with both husband and his mother ordering full dinners? I got an appetizer of coconut shrimp. Next time? I swear I am going to just drink whatever is handy around here before we ever leave the house. Each of the children in husband's family of origin treats (and views) the mother in exactly the same way. But I absolutely think less of husband since I have seen first hand what he thinks of his mother. I am really upset with him. Now, where is all this coming from, do you suppose? What a mess everything seems to be. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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