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Substance Abuse
Help: my 23 year old daughter is stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 718804" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am sorry. I have a daughter who abused meth snd cocaine so we made her leave at 19. I called the cops at 15 on her for using pot in my house...it didnt destroy her life when we called the cops and she knew we were serious about no illegal stuff under our roof. We would have called the cops on her if she had stolen from us. We felt she NEEDED to feel consequences in order to be motivated to change her life.</p><p></p><p> She survived and quit.ilEven quit the cigarettes!! I think that if they are inclined to quit at all they are much more likely to see that their lifestyle/addiction is a problem if we stop feeling sorry for them and pull the safety net. Is it hard? My beautiful girl was an adult baby. I cried. Her last words before leaving were "I will hate you forever!"</p><p></p><p>She doesnt hate me. We are close. She is stable with a two year college certificate that she paid for, her own house that we dont help her pay for, and my granddaughter and a long term boyfriend. I think sometimes we see them as still cute little kids. For their sakes and ours this is harmful. Even dangerous. I feel we need to see them as adults and let them go to help them learn and thrive.</p><p></p><p>Alcohol is not the problem. Your daughters choice to not stop using it is the problem. There are countless sober alcoholics. Her level of stealing from you is inexcusable. What kind of daughter does this to loving parents? She is way over the edge and right now has little in the way of a conscience. She has no shame. And she knows you wont act against her.</p><p></p><p>Give her NO access to any of your money. And in my opinion change the locks and lock the door from her unless you are home. She lost the right to be alone in your house. It is your house/your sanctuary, not hers.</p><p></p><p>In my experience they dont do the hard work of quitting until we stop rescuing them. Your daughter has no motivation to better her life right now. She knows you wont let make her suffer in any way. Addiction is ugly and strange. Often we have to let them suffer (heart wrenching) for them to stop the addiction. Mothering and nurturance doesnt help the addict change her life. It mskes it easier for her to indulge.</p><p></p><p>Never give her access to a car. She drinks and certainly would drink and drive. She could easily kill herself or somebody elses child while on the road. Too bad if she insists she needs a car. Thats the last thing she and society needs. Dont help her be able to drive. This is then also on your head if anyone dies. Please think it over.</p><p></p><p>While you are on this journey, I strongly recommend Al Anon or private therapy or both for you so you learn better ways of handling this. Its not easy. Daughter is a problem. And you cant save her. Only she can save herself.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Hugs!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 718804, member: 1550"] I am sorry. I have a daughter who abused meth snd cocaine so we made her leave at 19. I called the cops at 15 on her for using pot in my house...it didnt destroy her life when we called the cops and she knew we were serious about no illegal stuff under our roof. We would have called the cops on her if she had stolen from us. We felt she NEEDED to feel consequences in order to be motivated to change her life. She survived and quit.ilEven quit the cigarettes!! I think that if they are inclined to quit at all they are much more likely to see that their lifestyle/addiction is a problem if we stop feeling sorry for them and pull the safety net. Is it hard? My beautiful girl was an adult baby. I cried. Her last words before leaving were "I will hate you forever!" She doesnt hate me. We are close. She is stable with a two year college certificate that she paid for, her own house that we dont help her pay for, and my granddaughter and a long term boyfriend. I think sometimes we see them as still cute little kids. For their sakes and ours this is harmful. Even dangerous. I feel we need to see them as adults and let them go to help them learn and thrive. Alcohol is not the problem. Your daughters choice to not stop using it is the problem. There are countless sober alcoholics. Her level of stealing from you is inexcusable. What kind of daughter does this to loving parents? She is way over the edge and right now has little in the way of a conscience. She has no shame. And she knows you wont act against her. Give her NO access to any of your money. And in my opinion change the locks and lock the door from her unless you are home. She lost the right to be alone in your house. It is your house/your sanctuary, not hers. In my experience they dont do the hard work of quitting until we stop rescuing them. Your daughter has no motivation to better her life right now. She knows you wont let make her suffer in any way. Addiction is ugly and strange. Often we have to let them suffer (heart wrenching) for them to stop the addiction. Mothering and nurturance doesnt help the addict change her life. It mskes it easier for her to indulge. Never give her access to a car. She drinks and certainly would drink and drive. She could easily kill herself or somebody elses child while on the road. Too bad if she insists she needs a car. Thats the last thing she and society needs. Dont help her be able to drive. This is then also on your head if anyone dies. Please think it over. While you are on this journey, I strongly recommend Al Anon or private therapy or both for you so you learn better ways of handling this. Its not easy. Daughter is a problem. And you cant save her. Only she can save herself. Good luck. Hugs!! [/QUOTE]
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Help: my 23 year old daughter is stealing
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