Hon, if she's stealing and lying, you need to take her for an evaluation. I highly recommend going straight to a Child Psychiatrist (the guy who is the doctor) as he has more training or a neuropsychologist because they do intensive testing. Even in a great environment, sometimes relatives have mental health concerns and they are very hereditary. The family history is important--aunts, cousins, grandparents. Any bipolar? Alcoholism? Odd people who maybe needed help, but never got it? A second cousin who never seemed right and is now in jail? Does the child throw tantrums? Any other behavioral concerns? How is school?
I wouldn't wait to get an evaulation by a top professional. The longer it goes on, the harder it is. If the Psychiatrist feels that therapy is the way to go, he'll refer you to somebody. Same with a neuropsychologist. The first step, in my opinion, is to see what may be causing the behavior...if it's a psychiatric or neurological disorder which affects her behavior. Obvioiusly, you know something isn't right. You are a wonderful parent, but sometimes that just isn't enough. If a child has a disorder, she may act out anyways and she needs medical attention. I recommend talk therapy for you while she goes for her evaluation. Maybe you can get help on how to speak to her when something happens rather than namecalling. It's always a family issue--a difficult c hild affects the others. (((Hugs))).