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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 657700" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Stressedmom72. Glad you are here with us, but sorry you had to come to our oh not so fun party.</p><p></p><p>As far as professional competency counting for anything, I am now guffawing (at myself.) My SO has the best saying: Nobody is prophet in their own land. Nadie es profeta en su propia tierra.</p><p></p><p>What do degrees or professional training or license or title or knowledge, have to do with anything we are dealing with? How could they?</p><p></p><p>This is your heart. Your hope. Your dreams. Your everything.</p><p></p><p>The expectation that as professionals we should do better, know better, be better, sets us up for greater pain, frustration. And for greater risks of taking responsibility for that which is not any longer ours, stalling the necessity of your child to change things for himself.</p><p>My son has this constellation of diagnoses and also abuses marijuana. He believes the marijuana calms and centers him, levels his mood and decreases his anxiety. I believe him.</p><p></p><p>Seeking and using marijuana has become the main event of his day to day life; he has not worked, or sought to work since he began heavy use, which coincided with his qualifying for SSI payments.</p><p>This is a great solace and do not lose touch with this reality.</p><p></p><p>There is no reason for your son to not be working full time or going to school full time.</p><p></p><p>How much you want to help your son, and what that help will be, as opposed to holding the absolute expectation that he can do for himself, is the hard, hard question you need to ask yourself, now.</p><p></p><p>The perspective held by many parents on this site is this: Our children can change. If and when they decide to do so. Making their own decisions, living with consequences, resolving day to day problems, is what changes them. They can come to live independently and responsibly, and achieve if they choose to.</p><p></p><p>Our doing or thinking or feeling anything for them, seems to have the opposite effect. It supports their remaining the same, or regressing further.</p><p></p><p>Nobody can decide for you, how much or when you need to withdraw support, or if you should. All of us are in the same pot of soup with you, and none of us knows the right answer, for ourselves.Your son holds all power to make decisions, to act to create his life, the kind of life he wants, just as we do in ours. Now that he is a legal adult (forget emotionally) your power and responsibility are much diminished. He will change when he wants to, not one second sooner, independent of what you want for him.</p><p> Keep posting. We are here with you.</p><p></p><p>PS I loved, loved, loved the video. Love was just a word until my son came along and gave it meaning (after Mike Mero). Those are the stakes for me and I think for all of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 657700, member: 18958"] Hi Stressedmom72. Glad you are here with us, but sorry you had to come to our oh not so fun party. As far as professional competency counting for anything, I am now guffawing (at myself.) My SO has the best saying: Nobody is prophet in their own land. Nadie es profeta en su propia tierra. What do degrees or professional training or license or title or knowledge, have to do with anything we are dealing with? How could they? This is your heart. Your hope. Your dreams. Your everything. The expectation that as professionals we should do better, know better, be better, sets us up for greater pain, frustration. And for greater risks of taking responsibility for that which is not any longer ours, stalling the necessity of your child to change things for himself. My son has this constellation of diagnoses and also abuses marijuana. He believes the marijuana calms and centers him, levels his mood and decreases his anxiety. I believe him. Seeking and using marijuana has become the main event of his day to day life; he has not worked, or sought to work since he began heavy use, which coincided with his qualifying for SSI payments. This is a great solace and do not lose touch with this reality. There is no reason for your son to not be working full time or going to school full time. How much you want to help your son, and what that help will be, as opposed to holding the absolute expectation that he can do for himself, is the hard, hard question you need to ask yourself, now. The perspective held by many parents on this site is this: Our children can change. If and when they decide to do so. Making their own decisions, living with consequences, resolving day to day problems, is what changes them. They can come to live independently and responsibly, and achieve if they choose to. Our doing or thinking or feeling anything for them, seems to have the opposite effect. It supports their remaining the same, or regressing further. Nobody can decide for you, how much or when you need to withdraw support, or if you should. All of us are in the same pot of soup with you, and none of us knows the right answer, for ourselves.Your son holds all power to make decisions, to act to create his life, the kind of life he wants, just as we do in ours. Now that he is a legal adult (forget emotionally) your power and responsibility are much diminished. He will change when he wants to, not one second sooner, independent of what you want for him. Keep posting. We are here with you. PS I loved, loved, loved the video. Love was just a word until my son came along and gave it meaning (after Mike Mero). Those are the stakes for me and I think for all of us. [/QUOTE]
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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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