Hello I am a new member. Looking for direction with a 17 year old soon to be 18 year old step son. I have raised him since he was 7 and he had ADHDA when I was first aquainted with his father my now husband. The boy came from an abusive mother who lost custody due to her drinking, drug use and numerous boyfriends. She may have been a good person at one time, but not a good parent. Tommy the step son, ran away to liove with her at age 14, because I confronted him about porn that he was involved in on the internet. 3 months later he returned home without any additional therapy. At 14 1/2 he was at his mothers again this time we recieved a call of arrest for possession of drugs, public drunkeness and cerfew violation. He was fined, put on 6 months probation, and had to do before a panel and submit to monthly drug testing. While this was going on he cleaned up his act. Again at 16 he ran off to his mothers, and began drinking, using and dealing drugs, suspended from public school. I insisted that his father place him in a military school t remove him from the envoroment he created for himself. He went to military school and brought up his grades, and did well there becasue he had too. Since back home again for the summer until he goes to summer school....his anger and disrespect with me continue, because I am strict, hold him to high standards,and will not allow his friends in the house that he circled himself with before leaving for school. HE is ODD that has turned into conduct disorder. His father has anxiety that should he parent rather then be his friend his son will not like him again and leave. The dysfunction is so great that I had to flee the house because I can not take the disresect, foul language, and demeaning manner in which he is allowed to treat me, as his father will not step up to parent. Tommy has always had difficulties with women, dishonoring them in school and home situations. His father has bi-polar disease, add, depression, and agressive anger problems. So the apple does not fall far from the tree. I am exhausted having this kid continually create turmoil and upset my home, and health. What advise if any can someone suggest? His father does not recognize the problem or will not acknowledge it because he fears that his son will leave the house, as I mentioned the son works that to his advantage. One can not change what they will not acknowledge. This has ruined the relationship with my husband and I. oN THE BRINK OF DIVORCE!! I have been in therapy for nine years and I can not be the only one who wants to make positive change from dispair.