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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 245605" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome. Sorry you need us but help is here.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband MUST get on the same page. Urgently. This kid sounds expert at divide and conquer techniques. That said - he sounds like a very unhappy, very confused kid. Don't be too down on him, although I do understand you need to be consistent with him.</p><p></p><p>"Explosive Child" is a great book and it can help you both A LOT.</p><p></p><p>Also a strong recommendation - get your husband to lurk here and/or post here. MY husband & I have always prided ourselves on being on the same page - but since he started lurking and reading my posts, we talk even more, communicate even better and it's made it much easier for us to make good progress. He's now a member here in his own name ("Marg's Man").</p><p></p><p>A few things about your stepson - he sounds very confused. I'd go along with the Gender Identity confusion at the moment, but take it with a grain of salt. However, it might be not quite Gender Identity Dysmorphia, he could simply be trying to work out what his sexual orientation is, or maybe some other aspect of his sexuality is causing him difficulty. Researchers have found that a lot of this can actually be tracked to hormonal differences in how the brain functions, so it's not something he's necessarily chosen to explore.</p><p></p><p>Whether the main underlying problem is Gender Identity or whether it's just another indication of his level of confusion, I can't say. I would get him evaluated by a GOOD psychiatrist, preferably one who is experienced with gender issues as well as possibly bipolar issues or other psychiatric disorders. There may be nothing wrong with him other than being a very angry, confused young man still trying to work himself out. Or he may have a serious psychiatric condition in desperate need of treatment.</p><p></p><p>There are some good treatments around, including some good non-medication options. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can help even without a diagnosis, because the psychologist works on the person's conscious thoughts and tried to teach them better control. </p><p></p><p>Something that has worked for us with a kid desperately trying to duck out of school - we brought in a strict rule, "school work during school hours". That meant thta even if the kid was in bed with a high fever, he was expected to do SOMETHING along schoolwork lines. The only way out was to sleep. If he was awake, he had to read a schoolbook. If he was well enough to sit up in bed, he had a lap desk and a maths book, and a pen. If he was well enough to sit in front of the TV, he got to watch documentaties. If he worked well, I ran out of work for him and he was well enough to sit at the computer - he played educational software.</p><p>What I found happened - he spent a lot of time at home and actually made wonderful progress in his schoolwork, catching up on a lot of stuff he'd missed out on.</p><p></p><p>I got my hands on schoolwork by asking the school for work sheets, by buying exercise books and cheap educational software and finding out about other educational stuff we could subscribe to (such as Mathletics).</p><p></p><p>You'll get some good advice from others here who have a better understanding of exactly these issues.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 245605, member: 1991"] Welcome. Sorry you need us but help is here. You and your husband MUST get on the same page. Urgently. This kid sounds expert at divide and conquer techniques. That said - he sounds like a very unhappy, very confused kid. Don't be too down on him, although I do understand you need to be consistent with him. "Explosive Child" is a great book and it can help you both A LOT. Also a strong recommendation - get your husband to lurk here and/or post here. MY husband & I have always prided ourselves on being on the same page - but since he started lurking and reading my posts, we talk even more, communicate even better and it's made it much easier for us to make good progress. He's now a member here in his own name ("Marg's Man"). A few things about your stepson - he sounds very confused. I'd go along with the Gender Identity confusion at the moment, but take it with a grain of salt. However, it might be not quite Gender Identity Dysmorphia, he could simply be trying to work out what his sexual orientation is, or maybe some other aspect of his sexuality is causing him difficulty. Researchers have found that a lot of this can actually be tracked to hormonal differences in how the brain functions, so it's not something he's necessarily chosen to explore. Whether the main underlying problem is Gender Identity or whether it's just another indication of his level of confusion, I can't say. I would get him evaluated by a GOOD psychiatrist, preferably one who is experienced with gender issues as well as possibly bipolar issues or other psychiatric disorders. There may be nothing wrong with him other than being a very angry, confused young man still trying to work himself out. Or he may have a serious psychiatric condition in desperate need of treatment. There are some good treatments around, including some good non-medication options. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can help even without a diagnosis, because the psychologist works on the person's conscious thoughts and tried to teach them better control. Something that has worked for us with a kid desperately trying to duck out of school - we brought in a strict rule, "school work during school hours". That meant thta even if the kid was in bed with a high fever, he was expected to do SOMETHING along schoolwork lines. The only way out was to sleep. If he was awake, he had to read a schoolbook. If he was well enough to sit up in bed, he had a lap desk and a maths book, and a pen. If he was well enough to sit in front of the TV, he got to watch documentaties. If he worked well, I ran out of work for him and he was well enough to sit at the computer - he played educational software. What I found happened - he spent a lot of time at home and actually made wonderful progress in his schoolwork, catching up on a lot of stuff he'd missed out on. I got my hands on schoolwork by asking the school for work sheets, by buying exercise books and cheap educational software and finding out about other educational stuff we could subscribe to (such as Mathletics). You'll get some good advice from others here who have a better understanding of exactly these issues. Marg [/QUOTE]
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