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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714474" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Look up reactive attachment disorder...common and serious disorder that used to mainly be diagnosed in older adopted kids, but common and serious in kids who had very unstable first three years of life. The kids have such crazy, detached main caregivers that they dont develop normal love and attachment toward others and are empathy challenged. Lying, stealing, raging, sexualized behavior (usually from bring sexually abused) is common.These kids dont know how to love...they have learned that they have to worry about only themselves because others cant be trusted. Sounds like Moms home was not nurturing.</p><p></p><p>We adopted an 11 year old like this. He repeatedly sexually abused my two yoinger kids who were too scared of him to tell on him. Two years into his life with us he killed two dogs and his entire charming facade came tumbling down and we found out everything he had done. It shocked us. He had seemed so sweet...to adults!! Thekid was smart and a great actor.</p><p></p><p>Do rehome your dog. Keep your baby with you AT ALL TIMES. This kid could try to do do something to the baby from sexually messing with him to...trying to choke him. A friend adopted an attachment disordered girl who was found choking her sister. She had to leave the home after that happened.</p><p></p><p>The therapist probably doesnt know what reactive attachment disorder is. Many have only a vague understanding of it. Plus kids who have it are very charming to strangers and to us (until we catch them being crazy).</p><p></p><p>Dont be us. If you really want to adopt him, know that you will always have to monitor your baby and any pets. He may pee or poop in odd places too ( we thought it was our dogs) and play with fire (we didnt know how he terrorized our younger kids with fire until after we had CPS remove him.) Then the younger kids started talking.</p><p></p><p>Do I know for sure he has attachment disorder? No, but he sure sounds like it and Life with Mom set him up for poor attachment. Any of her boyfriends could have sexually abused him. He may or may not consciously remember, but sub consciously he must...which explains the reason for his sexual behavior toward the poor dog.</p><p></p><p>Psychologists who deal with adopted kids best understand what a neglectful early life can do to a child. They are the "go to" people to see if there is an attachment disorder.</p><p></p><p>If Mom did drugs or drank during pregnancy, he may have fetal alcohol damage, which is also serious. Or both.</p><p></p><p>Dont mean to push panic buttons but want NOBODY to go through what our family did and your stepson has so many traits like our son did. Ours hid it so well too. We found out so much later....</p><p></p><p>For the sake of the young kids we had, we have not seen that boy since he left. I could no longer care for him after what he had done to the young kids and he showed no remorse for the kids, just sorry he got caught.</p><p></p><p>Hoping the best for your family. Do be careful.i wish i had been warned in advance about what could happen when adopting an older child who had lived such an unstable life.....take care and think very carefully about making it legal. If your gut us telling you something is VERY wrong....it probably is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714474, member: 1550"] Look up reactive attachment disorder...common and serious disorder that used to mainly be diagnosed in older adopted kids, but common and serious in kids who had very unstable first three years of life. The kids have such crazy, detached main caregivers that they dont develop normal love and attachment toward others and are empathy challenged. Lying, stealing, raging, sexualized behavior (usually from bring sexually abused) is common.These kids dont know how to love...they have learned that they have to worry about only themselves because others cant be trusted. Sounds like Moms home was not nurturing. We adopted an 11 year old like this. He repeatedly sexually abused my two yoinger kids who were too scared of him to tell on him. Two years into his life with us he killed two dogs and his entire charming facade came tumbling down and we found out everything he had done. It shocked us. He had seemed so sweet...to adults!! Thekid was smart and a great actor. Do rehome your dog. Keep your baby with you AT ALL TIMES. This kid could try to do do something to the baby from sexually messing with him to...trying to choke him. A friend adopted an attachment disordered girl who was found choking her sister. She had to leave the home after that happened. The therapist probably doesnt know what reactive attachment disorder is. Many have only a vague understanding of it. Plus kids who have it are very charming to strangers and to us (until we catch them being crazy). Dont be us. If you really want to adopt him, know that you will always have to monitor your baby and any pets. He may pee or poop in odd places too ( we thought it was our dogs) and play with fire (we didnt know how he terrorized our younger kids with fire until after we had CPS remove him.) Then the younger kids started talking. Do I know for sure he has attachment disorder? No, but he sure sounds like it and Life with Mom set him up for poor attachment. Any of her boyfriends could have sexually abused him. He may or may not consciously remember, but sub consciously he must...which explains the reason for his sexual behavior toward the poor dog. Psychologists who deal with adopted kids best understand what a neglectful early life can do to a child. They are the "go to" people to see if there is an attachment disorder. If Mom did drugs or drank during pregnancy, he may have fetal alcohol damage, which is also serious. Or both. Dont mean to push panic buttons but want NOBODY to go through what our family did and your stepson has so many traits like our son did. Ours hid it so well too. We found out so much later.... For the sake of the young kids we had, we have not seen that boy since he left. I could no longer care for him after what he had done to the young kids and he showed no remorse for the kids, just sorry he got caught. Hoping the best for your family. Do be careful.i wish i had been warned in advance about what could happen when adopting an older child who had lived such an unstable life.....take care and think very carefully about making it legal. If your gut us telling you something is VERY wrong....it probably is. [/QUOTE]
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