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Help/opinions on my "nastygram"
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 454552" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Snarky will not help at this point. I would stress anything in his IEP about accommodations and would make it a goal to get something in the IEP about not being required to do group work/find his own groups, etc...</p><p></p><p>I also think you need to mention the times/dates that you called and emailed the teacher and the fact that you have gotten no reply. I have often said something along the lines of, "I sent email about this on X date and have not received a reply. As there sometimes are issues with the email system in the first few weeks of school, I am sure that the reply got lost in the system. I also left messages on X and Y dates at A and B times and would like to know what the best way to contact the teacher is as the calls have not been returned to my home, work or cell phones. Thank you so much for helping me streamline our communications."</p><p></p><p>I don't always send it to the teacher. Sometiems it has gone to the sp ed teacher or director or even the principal if they are involved - someone the teacher would NOT want to know that she is not returning calls/emails. The bit about the system having issues is just providing a way for the teacher to save face when both you and she know she did not try to contact you.</p><p></p><p>This is the age when many teachers think that parents should step completely away and expect a teen to handle the problems at school - UNLESS the teacher is having problems. If the teacher isn't getting what she wants then the parents are to fix it ASAP but if the student is reporting or perceiving a problem and the parent gets involved they tell the parent that the child is "too old" to have the parents "fighting his battles" and that you are keeping your child from maturing by stepping in. It is a totally wrong headed approach most of the time and is incredibly common. Our SD mostly has the middle school taking this approach. If a teacher or some other adult working at the middle school contacts you about your child being a problem (NOT having, being) then you are to fix it asap because it isn't "their job" to do that, but if you contact them then it is your child's job to advocate for himself as though you didn't exist. They make a big deal about how if you step in your child will never succeed in life, will not graduate high school or college because they can't handle their own problems, and they will be a total waste as an adult - never be able to keep a decent job, never be able to do anything, etc... and that it is YOUR fault because you wanted to talk to a teacher about accommodations/IEP/whatever.</p><p></p><p>Don't buy into that BS. It is just BS. You know what difficult child can and cannot handle and when to step in and don't let them even TRY to tell you otherwise. I had one woman try to tell me that Wiz needed to go to his IEP meeting without husband or I or an advocate and negotiate it all for himself at age 12 because if he couldn't then he could never function in the world. This when they had eleven people at the meeting to try to talk ME out of the accommodations in his IEP! Sadly, there were parents who bought into this and their kids ended up with no IEPs and usually dropping out very very early.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 454552, member: 1233"] Snarky will not help at this point. I would stress anything in his IEP about accommodations and would make it a goal to get something in the IEP about not being required to do group work/find his own groups, etc... I also think you need to mention the times/dates that you called and emailed the teacher and the fact that you have gotten no reply. I have often said something along the lines of, "I sent email about this on X date and have not received a reply. As there sometimes are issues with the email system in the first few weeks of school, I am sure that the reply got lost in the system. I also left messages on X and Y dates at A and B times and would like to know what the best way to contact the teacher is as the calls have not been returned to my home, work or cell phones. Thank you so much for helping me streamline our communications." I don't always send it to the teacher. Sometiems it has gone to the sp ed teacher or director or even the principal if they are involved - someone the teacher would NOT want to know that she is not returning calls/emails. The bit about the system having issues is just providing a way for the teacher to save face when both you and she know she did not try to contact you. This is the age when many teachers think that parents should step completely away and expect a teen to handle the problems at school - UNLESS the teacher is having problems. If the teacher isn't getting what she wants then the parents are to fix it ASAP but if the student is reporting or perceiving a problem and the parent gets involved they tell the parent that the child is "too old" to have the parents "fighting his battles" and that you are keeping your child from maturing by stepping in. It is a totally wrong headed approach most of the time and is incredibly common. Our SD mostly has the middle school taking this approach. If a teacher or some other adult working at the middle school contacts you about your child being a problem (NOT having, being) then you are to fix it asap because it isn't "their job" to do that, but if you contact them then it is your child's job to advocate for himself as though you didn't exist. They make a big deal about how if you step in your child will never succeed in life, will not graduate high school or college because they can't handle their own problems, and they will be a total waste as an adult - never be able to keep a decent job, never be able to do anything, etc... and that it is YOUR fault because you wanted to talk to a teacher about accommodations/IEP/whatever. Don't buy into that BS. It is just BS. You know what difficult child can and cannot handle and when to step in and don't let them even TRY to tell you otherwise. I had one woman try to tell me that Wiz needed to go to his IEP meeting without husband or I or an advocate and negotiate it all for himself at age 12 because if he couldn't then he could never function in the world. This when they had eleven people at the meeting to try to talk ME out of the accommodations in his IEP! Sadly, there were parents who bought into this and their kids ended up with no IEPs and usually dropping out very very early. [/QUOTE]
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