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Help please - 8 yr old bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 320809" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Andy reminded me of another point I meant to make - you've Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) that when in public and she throws a tantrum, you get dirty looks - you are going to have to learn to ignore them and to not let them get to you. </p><p></p><p>We went through similar self-consciousness about public reactions. difficult child 3 was a beautiful-looking child, he would actually attract attention because he was such a strikingly gorgeous baby. But the tantrums and screaming brought a different kind of attetion. For difficult child 3 it was also seemingly senseless phobias. In his case, he was terrified of public toilets because of the blower hand dryers. He would scream and hold on to the doors, like a wild animal. And yes, people gave us dirty looks. Or what we interpreted as dirty looks. But we had bigger problems, we had a kid who was terrified to go into the public toilet but who had a full bladder that was also making him frantic. People just couldn't understand and had different words of advice, all generally unhelpful. We just had to find our own way. In our case, we were able to work him towards going into public toilets by taking him to the disabled toilets (the ones with a separate entrance). We got criticised a few times but we simply said, "He is autistic. Therefore he is disabled. He cannot use a normal toilet. Not all disabilities are visible." Besides, I was disabled and could justify using the disabled toilet.</p><p></p><p>What we had to do was get him to stand outside while we opened the door and looked inside. If there was a hand blower, we let him watch while we switched it off at the wall. We also made sure that there was nobody else in there, and then we encouraged him to go inside. THis didn't alwayshappen to begin with but we had to be patient and not force him. We'd been down the road of forcing him, it didn't work. I would strongly urge you to not force ann at any time, either - it would be too closely connected with abuse. Oh dear, there are so many things she's endured which will be almost impossible to avoid some aspect of.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3, gradual exposure to a public toilet made safe for him, was the way it worked. each time he was able to use the toilet and there was no problem, helped him learn in a positive way that he could use a public toilet and be safe. Finally the day came when he could be in the same room as a hand dryer switched on, and let someone use it without him screaming. Finally he began to use the hand dryer himself. </p><p></p><p>The thing is - he needed to be in control. That is something I've noticed seems to be especially important to autistic kids, because with autism the world can seem very much out of their control and the more they can control things, the better they feel and the better they cope. The unpredictable noises, sights, smells, events etc is what can upset an autistic kid. If tye have some warning of what is to coome especially if they can control when it comes, they cope better. It also helps them to begin to understand cause and effect.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3's phobia of hand dryers began very suddenly. With hindsight I can see how quickly he could learn, that was a big problem if he had a scary experience. </p><p>He was 3 years old, we were getting his hearing checked out so we were in a crowded public clinic. Lots of people, a bit noisy. A new place. He asked to go to the toilet (as best as he could) and I led him to the toilets. But the toilet was small and cramped, there was a woman in there drying her hands, the hand dryer was right next to the door and just as we opened the door, the hand dryer went on very suddenly. It startled difficult child 3 and he began to scream. No way would he go inside. At about that point we were called to go in to the assessment room but afterwards difficult child 3 asked to go to the toilet again. But as we approached the closed door he began to scream again - even though there was no noise, he remembered. Then the hand dryer cut in again, we could hear it through the door. Because the clinic was crowded and also the toilet was small, there was a constant queue for the services and the dryer was constantly being set off. We had to take difficult child 3 home (40 minutes' drive) to get some relief for his bladder. But this was to set the pattern - he refused to use public toilets for the next few years.</p><p></p><p>You don't know exactly how much Ann is afraid of or what is triggering her panic attacks. But a word of recommendation from me, from my experience with difficult child 3 - don't use punishments. Her fears are real and based on past experience. It will take a lot of de-conditioning (gentle, loving) to help her overcome those fears. It will take patience from you as well s understanding. A lot of lateral thinking too, as oyu try to find ways around the problem.</p><p>Example: as a kid, I used Occupational Therapist (OT) be scared of escalators. The reason was, back when I was a kid, they were a lot steeper without that initial flat area at the beginning. I was little and would find myself afraid of falling when I stepped on to an escalator. My mother eventually allowed me to leave her to use the escalator while I found the elevator and used that instead. She was very brave to allow me, younger than 4 years old, to do this alone in a city store.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was the opposite - terrified of elevators. We don't know why. He still doesn't like them much and will use stairs instead if they are an option. We couldn't let him go by himself because his autism made him too vulnerable, so we had to find other ways to get ourselves around the stores. ON those occasions where we had no choice but to use the elevators, we let him push the buttons. We also had to put up with those times when other people got cranky with us for not scolding him for his tantrums or panic attacks.</p><p></p><p>That is the thing to remember - a lot of te tantrum is coming form panic and terror. Even if there is no apparent threat, the terror is genuine nad needs to be respected as such. Continue to reassure but also don't force her to do what she can't tolerate. The best way to handle this long-term is to challenge the fear as much as she can tolrate, and no further. Backing off completely from fear triggers is unhealthy because she will increasingly be limited in what she will allow herself to be exposed to. In that direction lies agoraphobia. You need to find that balance of gentle exposure at a tolerable level, so over time she can take a little bit more ech time. Reward her (as much as she can tolerate) with praise and encouragement.</p><p></p><p>This is not going to be easy, not in any way. This little girl is locked away somewhere inside her head, at a very young age, maybe only a few months old. As you observe her you will probably get your own estimagte of how old is that damaged little girl inside - listen to how she cries, for example, how she behaves, what physical body position she adopts. The coprophagy you describe (poo eating) is very infantile; but it comes from something more in her past.</p><p></p><p>But try to not live in isolation so much. Ignore other people. Or if you feel you need to, wear a sign on your back that says, "She can't help it. Don't criticise until you've walked a mile in my shoes."</p><p>Or maybe just imagine you're wearing that sign. If someone approaches you to talk to you, have a thumbnail explanation pre-prepared. "This child has been badly hurt, we're trying to help her."</p><p></p><p>If you let your fears of what other people think, to affect how you live your life, you will not be able to do as much as you want to do either for yourselves or for her.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 320809, member: 1991"] Andy reminded me of another point I meant to make - you've Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) that when in public and she throws a tantrum, you get dirty looks - you are going to have to learn to ignore them and to not let them get to you. We went through similar self-consciousness about public reactions. difficult child 3 was a beautiful-looking child, he would actually attract attention because he was such a strikingly gorgeous baby. But the tantrums and screaming brought a different kind of attetion. For difficult child 3 it was also seemingly senseless phobias. In his case, he was terrified of public toilets because of the blower hand dryers. He would scream and hold on to the doors, like a wild animal. And yes, people gave us dirty looks. Or what we interpreted as dirty looks. But we had bigger problems, we had a kid who was terrified to go into the public toilet but who had a full bladder that was also making him frantic. People just couldn't understand and had different words of advice, all generally unhelpful. We just had to find our own way. In our case, we were able to work him towards going into public toilets by taking him to the disabled toilets (the ones with a separate entrance). We got criticised a few times but we simply said, "He is autistic. Therefore he is disabled. He cannot use a normal toilet. Not all disabilities are visible." Besides, I was disabled and could justify using the disabled toilet. What we had to do was get him to stand outside while we opened the door and looked inside. If there was a hand blower, we let him watch while we switched it off at the wall. We also made sure that there was nobody else in there, and then we encouraged him to go inside. THis didn't alwayshappen to begin with but we had to be patient and not force him. We'd been down the road of forcing him, it didn't work. I would strongly urge you to not force ann at any time, either - it would be too closely connected with abuse. Oh dear, there are so many things she's endured which will be almost impossible to avoid some aspect of. With difficult child 3, gradual exposure to a public toilet made safe for him, was the way it worked. each time he was able to use the toilet and there was no problem, helped him learn in a positive way that he could use a public toilet and be safe. Finally the day came when he could be in the same room as a hand dryer switched on, and let someone use it without him screaming. Finally he began to use the hand dryer himself. The thing is - he needed to be in control. That is something I've noticed seems to be especially important to autistic kids, because with autism the world can seem very much out of their control and the more they can control things, the better they feel and the better they cope. The unpredictable noises, sights, smells, events etc is what can upset an autistic kid. If tye have some warning of what is to coome especially if they can control when it comes, they cope better. It also helps them to begin to understand cause and effect. difficult child 3's phobia of hand dryers began very suddenly. With hindsight I can see how quickly he could learn, that was a big problem if he had a scary experience. He was 3 years old, we were getting his hearing checked out so we were in a crowded public clinic. Lots of people, a bit noisy. A new place. He asked to go to the toilet (as best as he could) and I led him to the toilets. But the toilet was small and cramped, there was a woman in there drying her hands, the hand dryer was right next to the door and just as we opened the door, the hand dryer went on very suddenly. It startled difficult child 3 and he began to scream. No way would he go inside. At about that point we were called to go in to the assessment room but afterwards difficult child 3 asked to go to the toilet again. But as we approached the closed door he began to scream again - even though there was no noise, he remembered. Then the hand dryer cut in again, we could hear it through the door. Because the clinic was crowded and also the toilet was small, there was a constant queue for the services and the dryer was constantly being set off. We had to take difficult child 3 home (40 minutes' drive) to get some relief for his bladder. But this was to set the pattern - he refused to use public toilets for the next few years. You don't know exactly how much Ann is afraid of or what is triggering her panic attacks. But a word of recommendation from me, from my experience with difficult child 3 - don't use punishments. Her fears are real and based on past experience. It will take a lot of de-conditioning (gentle, loving) to help her overcome those fears. It will take patience from you as well s understanding. A lot of lateral thinking too, as oyu try to find ways around the problem. Example: as a kid, I used Occupational Therapist (OT) be scared of escalators. The reason was, back when I was a kid, they were a lot steeper without that initial flat area at the beginning. I was little and would find myself afraid of falling when I stepped on to an escalator. My mother eventually allowed me to leave her to use the escalator while I found the elevator and used that instead. She was very brave to allow me, younger than 4 years old, to do this alone in a city store. difficult child 3 was the opposite - terrified of elevators. We don't know why. He still doesn't like them much and will use stairs instead if they are an option. We couldn't let him go by himself because his autism made him too vulnerable, so we had to find other ways to get ourselves around the stores. ON those occasions where we had no choice but to use the elevators, we let him push the buttons. We also had to put up with those times when other people got cranky with us for not scolding him for his tantrums or panic attacks. That is the thing to remember - a lot of te tantrum is coming form panic and terror. Even if there is no apparent threat, the terror is genuine nad needs to be respected as such. Continue to reassure but also don't force her to do what she can't tolerate. The best way to handle this long-term is to challenge the fear as much as she can tolrate, and no further. Backing off completely from fear triggers is unhealthy because she will increasingly be limited in what she will allow herself to be exposed to. In that direction lies agoraphobia. You need to find that balance of gentle exposure at a tolerable level, so over time she can take a little bit more ech time. Reward her (as much as she can tolerate) with praise and encouragement. This is not going to be easy, not in any way. This little girl is locked away somewhere inside her head, at a very young age, maybe only a few months old. As you observe her you will probably get your own estimagte of how old is that damaged little girl inside - listen to how she cries, for example, how she behaves, what physical body position she adopts. The coprophagy you describe (poo eating) is very infantile; but it comes from something more in her past. But try to not live in isolation so much. Ignore other people. Or if you feel you need to, wear a sign on your back that says, "She can't help it. Don't criticise until you've walked a mile in my shoes." Or maybe just imagine you're wearing that sign. If someone approaches you to talk to you, have a thumbnail explanation pre-prepared. "This child has been badly hurt, we're trying to help her." If you let your fears of what other people think, to affect how you live your life, you will not be able to do as much as you want to do either for yourselves or for her. Marg [/QUOTE]
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