Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Help please - 8 yr old bipolar
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 320902" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>((((Wen))))</p><p></p><p>Many more qualified than I have offered advice. I agree with the practical advice you've been given.</p><p></p><p>I am glad that others have offered what is almost certainly a realistic description of your family's future existence and the danger this child may represent to you over the next 10 years of her life. Sadly, I think their descriptions are very accurate. </p><p></p><p>None of us would think the less of you if you and your husband choose to find a therapeutic out-of-home placement for her. We would understand. And it may be that it is what is ultimately BEST for Ann to find such a placement for her. It's hard to say for sure.</p><p></p><p>I'll add some ideas or things you may want to consider:</p><p></p><p>1) Rigid daily structure - second that suggestion. You will feel like you are trapped but she is likely to feel as safe as she is able to feel - eventually.</p><p></p><p>2) Advance warning of any changes to schedule such as doctor visits may help reduce the extreme behaviors. You may want to make her a picture book with pictures of places you might take her and go over it with her in advance. Then when you have to go there, you get out the book and talk about going there. Rehearsal by visiting without doing anything more than traveling there, entering, looking around and then leaving may be helpful or not.</p><p></p><p>3) Her perception of reality and yours are totally different. She cannot see the world as you do and may never come close to sharing your sensory experiences let alone understanding of the world. I'm not in the least surprised that she was totally freaked to the point of hallucinations on the escalator at the mall. Being in an open space with strange noises and images, reflections off shop windows, bombarded by colors, smells, shapes that she can't easily filter out or make sense of, and on top of that moving through space in a totally unnatural way on a strange machine - major overwhelm. Like some small children are terrified of clowns, she is terrified of most of the things you take for granted.</p><p></p><p>4) I would consider creating a retreat for her to go to when she needs it. You will have to use trial and error to figure out what is soothing to her. Start by observing her behavior in different parts of your home. This may give you some clues. She may need a dark place (like a cave) or she may need one filled with light or one that has only soft, indirect light. You may want to pad the walls and floor in some way. Or it may be that hard, firm surfaces are what she needs. </p><p></p><p>She may need someplace like a closet that she can close the door to feel safe or this may have the exact opposite effect depending on her past experiences. A card table set up in a corner with fabric draped over it may be a good alternative - give her someplace small to hide in but not threatening to her in any obvious way. Color may be an important factor - again it's hard to know.</p><p></p><p>Sound and scent can also have an enormous impact on a child like this. Observation and experimentation will help you sort this out too. </p><p></p><p>5) Buy 15+ identical small soft blankets to put in her retreat one at a time. If you've noticed that a particular texture of fabric attracts her (waffle weave was my son's favorite but his sister loved flannel, other children like satin) try to get ones that have that texture. That will give you plenty so that you can exchange them out when they are dirty. This may be several times a day - that's why I suggest so many. And, like the rigid routine, have exactly the same color, shape, size and texture of blanket will be soothing to her and make it much easier for you to coax her into taking a clean one so you can take a dirty one away. </p><p></p><p>It should be something that she can s u c k on if she wants - this is a baby's first primal soothing mechanism and I'll bet that she may need/want to do this. But she may have been punished for it so I wouldn't push it - just provide something that can be washed at least daily that could help her with this need.</p><p></p><p>6) The need to soothe herself might be part of why she's putting things in her mouth but I would be more inclined to say that she is severely delayed and continuing to behave as a very, very young child would do - putting things in her mouth is part of her exploration of the world. But she may have great difficulty, due to brain damage, in learning from her experiences so she repeatedly puts things in her mouth that may hurt her or taste bad. Your job is to take anything out of your home or her environment that can hurt her if she puts it in her mouth.</p><p></p><p>7) It may be helpful to you to think of her as a child who is blind. You would not expect such a child to know what something was without touching it. You would expect such a child to be disoriented and fearful/anxious in a new environment like the mall or an elevator. You wouldn't expect such a child to accurately interpret visual information or use it to guide her behavior.</p><p></p><p>8) No punishment is appropriate with a child like this, in my humble opinion. She is simply unable to connect the punishment with the mistake she made. If she is unable to discern when her behavior is dangerous to animals or other children, then she must be prevented from having access to animals and other children without constant one-on-one supervision.</p><p></p><p>Strength for the journey -</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 320902, member: 7948"] ((((Wen)))) Many more qualified than I have offered advice. I agree with the practical advice you've been given. I am glad that others have offered what is almost certainly a realistic description of your family's future existence and the danger this child may represent to you over the next 10 years of her life. Sadly, I think their descriptions are very accurate. None of us would think the less of you if you and your husband choose to find a therapeutic out-of-home placement for her. We would understand. And it may be that it is what is ultimately BEST for Ann to find such a placement for her. It's hard to say for sure. I'll add some ideas or things you may want to consider: 1) Rigid daily structure - second that suggestion. You will feel like you are trapped but she is likely to feel as safe as she is able to feel - eventually. 2) Advance warning of any changes to schedule such as doctor visits may help reduce the extreme behaviors. You may want to make her a picture book with pictures of places you might take her and go over it with her in advance. Then when you have to go there, you get out the book and talk about going there. Rehearsal by visiting without doing anything more than traveling there, entering, looking around and then leaving may be helpful or not. 3) Her perception of reality and yours are totally different. She cannot see the world as you do and may never come close to sharing your sensory experiences let alone understanding of the world. I'm not in the least surprised that she was totally freaked to the point of hallucinations on the escalator at the mall. Being in an open space with strange noises and images, reflections off shop windows, bombarded by colors, smells, shapes that she can't easily filter out or make sense of, and on top of that moving through space in a totally unnatural way on a strange machine - major overwhelm. Like some small children are terrified of clowns, she is terrified of most of the things you take for granted. 4) I would consider creating a retreat for her to go to when she needs it. You will have to use trial and error to figure out what is soothing to her. Start by observing her behavior in different parts of your home. This may give you some clues. She may need a dark place (like a cave) or she may need one filled with light or one that has only soft, indirect light. You may want to pad the walls and floor in some way. Or it may be that hard, firm surfaces are what she needs. She may need someplace like a closet that she can close the door to feel safe or this may have the exact opposite effect depending on her past experiences. A card table set up in a corner with fabric draped over it may be a good alternative - give her someplace small to hide in but not threatening to her in any obvious way. Color may be an important factor - again it's hard to know. Sound and scent can also have an enormous impact on a child like this. Observation and experimentation will help you sort this out too. 5) Buy 15+ identical small soft blankets to put in her retreat one at a time. If you've noticed that a particular texture of fabric attracts her (waffle weave was my son's favorite but his sister loved flannel, other children like satin) try to get ones that have that texture. That will give you plenty so that you can exchange them out when they are dirty. This may be several times a day - that's why I suggest so many. And, like the rigid routine, have exactly the same color, shape, size and texture of blanket will be soothing to her and make it much easier for you to coax her into taking a clean one so you can take a dirty one away. It should be something that she can s u c k on if she wants - this is a baby's first primal soothing mechanism and I'll bet that she may need/want to do this. But she may have been punished for it so I wouldn't push it - just provide something that can be washed at least daily that could help her with this need. 6) The need to soothe herself might be part of why she's putting things in her mouth but I would be more inclined to say that she is severely delayed and continuing to behave as a very, very young child would do - putting things in her mouth is part of her exploration of the world. But she may have great difficulty, due to brain damage, in learning from her experiences so she repeatedly puts things in her mouth that may hurt her or taste bad. Your job is to take anything out of your home or her environment that can hurt her if she puts it in her mouth. 7) It may be helpful to you to think of her as a child who is blind. You would not expect such a child to know what something was without touching it. You would expect such a child to be disoriented and fearful/anxious in a new environment like the mall or an elevator. You wouldn't expect such a child to accurately interpret visual information or use it to guide her behavior. 8) No punishment is appropriate with a child like this, in my humble opinion. She is simply unable to connect the punishment with the mistake she made. If she is unable to discern when her behavior is dangerous to animals or other children, then she must be prevented from having access to animals and other children without constant one-on-one supervision. Strength for the journey - Patricia [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Help please - 8 yr old bipolar
Top