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Help please - 8 yr old bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 320958" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>Perhaps you might invite your husband to post here or to read the responses you got.</p><p></p><p>It's very hard to come to grips with a future so different from the one most people expect in life. The safety issues you face now are minor compared to what you will face when she reaches puberty. Accepting that she is probably never going to be able to live safely in your home (given your description of her behaviors and history) and may not ever acknowledge the love, caring and time you devote to her care will not be easy.</p><p></p><p>It is very painful to realize that a baby, a precious human being, has been so badly damaged that their ability to function in any meaningful way in human relationships has been nearly destroyed. It is even more painful I think to be the adult who must pick up the pieces of that shattered life and do their best to provide appropriate care for that child.</p><p></p><p>He is to be honored for his unwillingness to take such a step lightly, to continue to care for a child who is so difficult and who has such a limited ability to respond positively to caring gestures.</p><p></p><p>If your family is not already seeing a compassionate and skilled therapist now is the time for you to find such a person. You and your husband need a person you trust to help you make impossible choices. It is hard to take steps that may seem like a further betrayal of a child who has suffered so badly at the hands of adults who were supposed to care for her. Your husband needs time and help to get through his grief and he needs your support to do so. I don't mean that you should not be honest about your feelings and concerns, just that having a therapist to facilitate could be very helpful to you both.</p><p></p><p>And an experienced therapist will also be able to help assess the safety issues Ann presents and push your husband if he/she feels that there is significant risk to family members. Or even give him the choice between moving her out of the home or having the therapist report the situation to Child Protective Services if she is sufficiently concerned.</p><p></p><p>If she should seriously injure someone in your family or even kill someone (a very real possibility with a child who was born with brain damage and experienced severe abuse for many years) it would leave all of you in an untenable situation. In that circumstance, it would be clear that keeping her "at home" had not been in her best interests. As others have said, placing her in an appropriate therapeutic setting may be necessary in order for maximize her opportunities to heal in safety. </p><p></p><p>My only advice to you besides finding a therapist to help you is that you must try to find a way to work with your husband and not let this come between you. Pushing him hard to "abandon" this child, even though it may not in fact be abandonment, may succeed in the short run. In the long run it could undermine the trust upon which your relationship must be built if he is not ready to accept the need for a different placement.</p><p></p><p>This may be a recurrent issue over the next several years if he is her legal guardian. While you may find a good placement right off, it is possible that it will take more than one try. And as she grows older she may need something different and will have to be moved. He may be faced with the need to seek conservatorship when she approaches majority.</p><p></p><p>So you must face the reality that you are all in this for the long haul unless he chooses to give up her guardianship to the state.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 320958, member: 7948"] Perhaps you might invite your husband to post here or to read the responses you got. It's very hard to come to grips with a future so different from the one most people expect in life. The safety issues you face now are minor compared to what you will face when she reaches puberty. Accepting that she is probably never going to be able to live safely in your home (given your description of her behaviors and history) and may not ever acknowledge the love, caring and time you devote to her care will not be easy. It is very painful to realize that a baby, a precious human being, has been so badly damaged that their ability to function in any meaningful way in human relationships has been nearly destroyed. It is even more painful I think to be the adult who must pick up the pieces of that shattered life and do their best to provide appropriate care for that child. He is to be honored for his unwillingness to take such a step lightly, to continue to care for a child who is so difficult and who has such a limited ability to respond positively to caring gestures. If your family is not already seeing a compassionate and skilled therapist now is the time for you to find such a person. You and your husband need a person you trust to help you make impossible choices. It is hard to take steps that may seem like a further betrayal of a child who has suffered so badly at the hands of adults who were supposed to care for her. Your husband needs time and help to get through his grief and he needs your support to do so. I don't mean that you should not be honest about your feelings and concerns, just that having a therapist to facilitate could be very helpful to you both. And an experienced therapist will also be able to help assess the safety issues Ann presents and push your husband if he/she feels that there is significant risk to family members. Or even give him the choice between moving her out of the home or having the therapist report the situation to Child Protective Services if she is sufficiently concerned. If she should seriously injure someone in your family or even kill someone (a very real possibility with a child who was born with brain damage and experienced severe abuse for many years) it would leave all of you in an untenable situation. In that circumstance, it would be clear that keeping her "at home" had not been in her best interests. As others have said, placing her in an appropriate therapeutic setting may be necessary in order for maximize her opportunities to heal in safety. My only advice to you besides finding a therapist to help you is that you must try to find a way to work with your husband and not let this come between you. Pushing him hard to "abandon" this child, even though it may not in fact be abandonment, may succeed in the short run. In the long run it could undermine the trust upon which your relationship must be built if he is not ready to accept the need for a different placement. This may be a recurrent issue over the next several years if he is her legal guardian. While you may find a good placement right off, it is possible that it will take more than one try. And as she grows older she may need something different and will have to be moved. He may be faced with the need to seek conservatorship when she approaches majority. So you must face the reality that you are all in this for the long haul unless he chooses to give up her guardianship to the state. [/QUOTE]
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