Help! Son arrested today...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ck1, Jul 29, 2007.

  1. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Well, I've been having a lot of trouble with my 16 year old son, but thought we could hold it together until school started (dreaded that because then we deal with the battles of getting up and doing homework, etc). Wrap-around services (in-home counseling)started this past week, so again, I thought we could hold it together with this new help. Unfortunately, I was horribly wrong. My sons girlfriend of 8 months broke up with him two weeks ago and he's been going down hill since. Yesterday I had the urge to check his text messages and found out he's been smoking pot. He fessed up quickly, almost proudly, and said that he's been smoking everyday for three weeks. For the first time ever, he got violent and aggressive. We had the police here last night, after he threw furniture and punched holes in the walls, but by the time they got here, he calmed down so they left him here and said there's nothing we can do if/until he threatens to hurt himself or others. I was hoping he would be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, but there were no grounds. This morning he decided he didn't want to be here and was leaving for a few days, when he walked out I called the police and they brought him back. About 10 minutes after the police left, he started arguing with my husband and I and continued for at least an hour demanding to know why he can't just do what he wants and go where he wants (he promised he would not do any more drugs-yeah right, like I would believe him now)I continued to stay calm and told him he's grounded. When he started punching the cabinets, my husband stood in front of him and challenged my son to hit him instead. They fought/wrestled around for a few minutes, then my son got up and walked away, punching some doors and walls on his way to his room. When my son attacked my husband, I called the police again. They came and put him in handcuffs and took him to the Juvinile Detention Center. I don't know what to do next. Should I go to the hearing tomorrow? Should I let him sit and think about what he's doing? I have two smaller children both under three, so I've been told my son will not be able to come home until he's not a threat to himself or my family, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen??? And how will I know when he's no longer a threat?? Does anyone have any advice? I feel really lost here, NEVER thought this would ever happen!!!! My son is a good kid, but severely depressed and, I don't know what else, but this isn't him! Thanks to anyone who may be able to share their experiences.
  2. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Ok, breathe. I know this is terribly upsetting.

    I hope you realize that your son is a threat to your young children at home.

    We were in your spot and this is how we handled it.

    Alex was punching walls and throwing things and started to push us. We were advised that this was domestic violence and if we wanted to help our son we needed to call the police on him. We did just that when he pushed my husband out of the way as he was trying to leave against our will.

    We had him arrested and he was taken to juvy for an immediate three day hold. After the three day hold we told the judge we thought he would run (which he was doing then) so they held him over the weekend till he could be released on a tether.

    He came home and was very hostile and threatened my husband so I called his tether guy and reported him. He was arrested at school and sent back to juvy for three weeks.

    We knew he was mad at his father and only wanted to see me, but his dad was the only one who visited. I only visited him once and that was on Thanksgiving.

    At his court date, the judge warned him, and dismissed his case and he was told he would be placed for 9 months if he showed up in court again.

    All though this route did not save my son, he never was violent again. He was able to bond with his dad when he got home and was doing great for three short weeks.

    The problem with Alex was that he was using hard drugs unknown to us at that time.

    You might want to consider the possibility that your son is using harder drugs than pot. His behavior sort of suggests it. Usually what they will admit to is only the tip of the iceberg.

    Other parents on this site have also called the police on their children. I am sure they will be around soon and let you know how it played out for them.

    Welcome to the site and I am glad you found us. Now you know you are not alone.
  3. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I don't want to confuse you but...

    The story you just posted could have been me posting, right down to the hitting husband and destroying the walls and doors in our home.

    I called the police too. My son was arrested and taken to juvie.

    If I had it to do over again I would find an alternative placement.

    I would find any place I could that was NOT the juvie system.

    My son changed. He became harder and more out of control.

    At 16 you have options, we ran out of options at 18.

    I know it is hard, just weigh all your options

  4. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Thanks for your posts, I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me, it's good not to feel so alone. We went to the hearing today and I feel worse. The judge said that he can either come home or go to a shelter until his hearing date that will be four to six weeks away. Neither of the options are acceptable because I'm afraid to let him come home, I'm afraid he's a ticking time bomb and would not adhere to the rules of the home probation, thus, ending up back in the detention center with worse charges than he has now. If he goes to a shelter, he'll still be a ticking time bomb but will have NO mental health resources and will continue taking the medicine that may be making him worse. I've been on the phone all day trying to get him admitted to a psychiatric hospital, when I finally found a program that would take him for up to 28 days, I called the detention facility and they said, no, the judge said home or shelter. If I want to request a change to that order we can appear in front of the judge again tomorrow, which we will, probably with a lawyer and request that he be evaluated by the detention center doctor. I'm bringing all the evaluations that I have, but I'm still afraid that things may not go our way. I'm barely holding it together now, I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. Taking care of my two little ones is very difficult because I hate for them to see me sad but I feel so hopeless...
  5. Merris

    Merris New Member

    Chances are, a judge would agree for him to go to a psychiatric hospital. If he has issues, they want to help. I doubt that they would deny the request if you have somewhere for him to go.

    Hang in there and know you are NOT alone!

  6. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    First of all, hi and welcome. Sorry you had to find us, as that means things aren't going well, but glad you did. You've found a wonderful, supportive place.

    I would definitely bring all supporting documents you can and go back before the judge tomorrow.

    We were able to get our son into a psychiatric/substance abuse hospital because they realized that we couldn't take him back home to the same environment. He would have run.

    Sending good thoughts that tomorrow goes well. Let us know.

  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    cathy, I live near pgh too. my son did all you said and more. I let the juvie system take over. in fact, I insisted. let the judge choose your son's route. it seems a shame to spend your money on a lawyer. he can get a public defender for free.

    alleg co has some good PO's for juvie. I do not live in alleg co.
    look at this website if you are in alleg co:

    a friend helps run it.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You will be amazed at what you can accomplish even when you are
    near paralyzed with fear for your difficult child. Somehow God give each of
    us the strength to be the Warrior Mom that is needed to fight
    (politely, of course) for our needy sons and daughters.

    Saying a prayer and sending a hug that tomorrow goes well. DDD
  9. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Today we returned to the detention center for a re-do but this time, we were ready. We arrived with a good placement plan, documents describing my son and his background, and with a very good attorney. Thank God we had all of this because we got what we wanted!!! I am very happy about that, but of course, still very nervous; however, I am confident that we have done all we can and the rest is up to my difficult child. The judge was very happy with our solution but told my son, very firmly, that he MUST stay at the respite facility and cannot run or be discharged for any negative reason. If that were to happen, he would find himself back at the detention center for a long time. He's there now, hopefully with the right attitude, I guess we'll find out soon enough! Thanks again for all of your helpful words of encouragement!
  10. Merris

    Merris New Member

    That's great news. Sounds like you're ready to be a warrior mom! I'm glad he's somewhere safe and you feel more comfortable. It will be what it will be but for right now, everything is okay.

    Hang in there and POST. This is a great place to vent and sort out your feelings!
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    We really need a "throwing confetti" graphic.

    Here's a happy dance one... :dance:
  12. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Wow, that is wonderful that the judge gave your son a chance. :whew:

    I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that your son does what it takes

    to move in a positive direction.

    Let us know how it is going with him.
  13. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Good job warrior family :warrior:

    Hope you stay around and visit with us. We're a great group and full of support.
  14. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I have had the same experience! My son has been arrested several times. He is 24. He is a good kid also. I would let him sit there. You may go to the hearing but he needs to pay the consequence. My son is in jail now for possession of marijuana 3rd offense. His court date is August 14 and I fear they will let him go without anything over his head. We told himi he could not come back home. Home is a battleground similiar to what you said about your husband and him getting into a wrestling match. Thata happened several times with my son and his Dad. I cannot take it anymore. I was almost afraid someone was going to get killed. My advice to you is hang tough.
  15. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Thanks for sending the strength!! I'm trying to hang tough but it's so hard. He's in a MH Crisis Center since Tuesday (after two nights in detention) and I haven't gone to see him yet. I was going to go yesterday but we had a neighborhood picnic and my little ones were having so much fun I couldn't leave and my husband couldn't handle both himself. Then, I was going to go tonight but my last two conversations with him were so bad I decided not to go. He doesn't want to see me, he just wants his stuff that I didn't get to pack for him (IPod mostly). It would take me two hours just to get there and back and I just didn't have the energy. His response was to punch a hole in the wall at the center.

    Today he was trying to tell me how depressed he is, then he was furious because he didn't get his way, now the counselor just called, said he's fine, and socializing well with the other five kids there. He's trying to be a master manipulater but it won't work on me anymore!!! I guess it's possible that he's Bi-Polar because he seems to be going up and down alot in there, but, no diagnosis yet, the coaster ride continues...
  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I completely understand. I just saw my son in jail and he still trys to manipulate me. His court date is August 14 and I told him whatever happens he could not come back home. He just blames it on everyone else but him but he has no where to go yet. He tries to gain my sympathy but it doesnt work anymore. I have seem too much. Wishing us all some peace.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't know what shocks all of us more...the drug use or the
    realization that our kids are master manipulators! You're doing
    great. DDD
  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member