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Help with pedophile teenager
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704019" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>If there is a common thread between our kids, it is this. The unwillingness or inability to take responsibility for their choices and behavior and their choices to blame others, especially their parents.</p><p></p><p>I do not believe that all of our kids are psychopaths. Well, there are two ways to look at this. One, each of us has had our own battles and battle scars. We have been looked down on and blamed. How could I cast a stone? Why would I?</p><p></p><p>The other way to look at this is that we have heard way worse. I do not see one thing in what you have written that could not be reversible. But I am one of the people on this forum who always comes from this position. Except for when I am devastated by my own situation and feel hopeless.</p><p> Honestly, I am still not here with you. I wish you could find a way to feel hope for him--because this is how you will find it for yourself. Not that you should allow him back in the home. Not that you should try to soften in any way the repercussions.</p><p></p><p>I am saying that the more you go in yourself to a place in believing him evil, the more there will be a part of you that will be killed off. By recognizing the situation as it is, by recognizing the reality of what he has done, by staying neutral and steady--there can be found a way through this--without thinking of him as irredeemable.</p><p></p><p>I understand that you are dealing with horror. On some level your son is dealing with horror, as well. He has nobody else except you. In the USA, I will assume you are here, parental responsibility continues to age 18, but it can be renounced in special situations, in order for children to get the treatment they need. There are residential settings that offer intensive treatment to children such as your son. There are still almost 2 years that the government would be compelled to provide that treatment for your son.</p><p></p><p>There are networks of parents on the internet who have similar situations. The details may not be the same, but their is a common thread. Parents who have children whose needs are too great for them to handle, financially, emotionally or safely.</p><p></p><p>You could advocate that your son find a facility such as this, so that he can have the treatment he needs, and be controlled and contained--away from your family.</p><p></p><p>I for one am not convinced that just because you are unaware that your ex husband had a sexual interest in children--just s and m--such a predilection did not exist. Your son may well have been exposed to real events and mistreatment that have led to this result. If this is so, it can be walked back--through treatment.</p><p></p><p>Again, my words come from a strong, personal point of view. I understand that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704019, member: 18958"] If there is a common thread between our kids, it is this. The unwillingness or inability to take responsibility for their choices and behavior and their choices to blame others, especially their parents. I do not believe that all of our kids are psychopaths. Well, there are two ways to look at this. One, each of us has had our own battles and battle scars. We have been looked down on and blamed. How could I cast a stone? Why would I? The other way to look at this is that we have heard way worse. I do not see one thing in what you have written that could not be reversible. But I am one of the people on this forum who always comes from this position. Except for when I am devastated by my own situation and feel hopeless. Honestly, I am still not here with you. I wish you could find a way to feel hope for him--because this is how you will find it for yourself. Not that you should allow him back in the home. Not that you should try to soften in any way the repercussions. I am saying that the more you go in yourself to a place in believing him evil, the more there will be a part of you that will be killed off. By recognizing the situation as it is, by recognizing the reality of what he has done, by staying neutral and steady--there can be found a way through this--without thinking of him as irredeemable. I understand that you are dealing with horror. On some level your son is dealing with horror, as well. He has nobody else except you. In the USA, I will assume you are here, parental responsibility continues to age 18, but it can be renounced in special situations, in order for children to get the treatment they need. There are residential settings that offer intensive treatment to children such as your son. There are still almost 2 years that the government would be compelled to provide that treatment for your son. There are networks of parents on the internet who have similar situations. The details may not be the same, but their is a common thread. Parents who have children whose needs are too great for them to handle, financially, emotionally or safely. You could advocate that your son find a facility such as this, so that he can have the treatment he needs, and be controlled and contained--away from your family. I for one am not convinced that just because you are unaware that your ex husband had a sexual interest in children--just s and m--such a predilection did not exist. Your son may well have been exposed to real events and mistreatment that have led to this result. If this is so, it can be walked back--through treatment. Again, my words come from a strong, personal point of view. I understand that. [/QUOTE]
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