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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 142811" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Chance, your daughter sounds so much like mine, it is truly painful. The only thing you seem to be missing is the violence mine has inflicted on me.</p><p> </p><p>in my humble opinion, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) never really goes away. It becomes a part of the person -- if they're lucky they are able to care for people, to even have some empathy and truly love. At the same time, there will always be a part of them waiting for the rejection, the willingness to reject before they reject. This is my daughter. People adore her when they first meet her -- she is charming, sweet, kind. Sooner or later she will do something to drive the others away, which, in turn, validates her own sense of self-loathing. It is painful.</p><p> </p><p>I do understand the binge eating. While I could never entirely stop it, I was able to somewhat re-direct it and at least stop the thefts. I'd make up a daily basket for her. It would include some of the junk food she adored as well as some healthy snacks as well. There would be enough food in it to last her 24 hours. After about 3 months of having this basket, a lot of the binging stopped (unless I had ice cream in the house). She began to understand that she would never go hungry here and that treats would not be denied her, just not allowed constantly. I don't know if this would work at her age, I did it for my daughter when she was 7 and 8. She was in such fear of not having food after many years of deprivation that she needed this basket and her control of it.</p><p> </p><p>I also agree that the beginning years of puberty are the absolute worst! Learning how to control the hormones on top of all the anger and hurt of being adopted made ages 11-14 sheer hell in our home. There were no real tricks that worked. It was just survival mode for both of us. Fortunately, things did change for almost a year and then other issues reared their ugly little heads. For those behaviors, it really did take an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Had I known then what I know now, I would have sent her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at around ages 12 or 13 rather than waiting. I think the tools she learned would have benefitted her far more had she learned then at a younger age.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 142811, member: 3626"] Chance, your daughter sounds so much like mine, it is truly painful. The only thing you seem to be missing is the violence mine has inflicted on me. in my humble opinion, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) never really goes away. It becomes a part of the person -- if they're lucky they are able to care for people, to even have some empathy and truly love. At the same time, there will always be a part of them waiting for the rejection, the willingness to reject before they reject. This is my daughter. People adore her when they first meet her -- she is charming, sweet, kind. Sooner or later she will do something to drive the others away, which, in turn, validates her own sense of self-loathing. It is painful. I do understand the binge eating. While I could never entirely stop it, I was able to somewhat re-direct it and at least stop the thefts. I'd make up a daily basket for her. It would include some of the junk food she adored as well as some healthy snacks as well. There would be enough food in it to last her 24 hours. After about 3 months of having this basket, a lot of the binging stopped (unless I had ice cream in the house). She began to understand that she would never go hungry here and that treats would not be denied her, just not allowed constantly. I don't know if this would work at her age, I did it for my daughter when she was 7 and 8. She was in such fear of not having food after many years of deprivation that she needed this basket and her control of it. I also agree that the beginning years of puberty are the absolute worst! Learning how to control the hormones on top of all the anger and hurt of being adopted made ages 11-14 sheer hell in our home. There were no real tricks that worked. It was just survival mode for both of us. Fortunately, things did change for almost a year and then other issues reared their ugly little heads. For those behaviors, it really did take an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Had I known then what I know now, I would have sent her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at around ages 12 or 13 rather than waiting. I think the tools she learned would have benefitted her far more had she learned then at a younger age. [/QUOTE]
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