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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 142995" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>ON the subject of the bingeing and the fear of being deprived - my sister went through this with her adopted daughter. Even though my sister got her at 7 months old, she had already been in hospital a few times for malnutrition and it was obvious from the way the baby behaved, that she had never been cuddled. She would only drink a bottle of formula if it was given to her cold and in her cot. As she grew, she always craved all the attention and would have jealous rages if ANY attention went to her siblings.</p><p></p><p>Doing well now, though. Married with her own kids, works in childcare. A lot of work, a lot of therapy, but she's thriving now.</p><p></p><p>What sort of lies does she tell? How detailed? How obvious? What sort of reason? And how do you find out she is lying? I'm wondering, I have a few theories but I need more information.</p><p></p><p>Something else that worries me - a lot of how you describe her sounds more like the phrasing of frustrated teachers than a parent. I'm wondering if you are seeing her so negatively because of what you are told about her, rather than just what you observe?</p><p></p><p>I'm not meaning to sound critical of you, I've done the same thing myself. At first I found myself accepting the wisdom, experience and jargon of school staff and other professionals, and ignoring my own instincts. Once I started listening to my own inner voice and giving it more importance (while still not discounting what experts said) I found I had a better understanding of what made my kids tick.</p><p></p><p>A strong point I want to make - kids do not choose to be bad. Kids in general would much prefer to get GOOD attention than negative attention. Even the class clown, the kid who seems to misbehave just to get a laugh out of the other kids, is doing it not for the attention but often to deflect attention from some other problem (sometimes because he can't read and doesn't want the teacher to find out). </p><p></p><p>Somewhere there is a reason and it is stopping her from doing what she has in the past been capable of. She is frustrated, angry, afraid - and maybe other things too. And for a number of possible reasons, can't tell you. It's likely she doesn't know why herself. Any negative beliefs about her will be amplified by how she is feeling about herself. I suspect the junk food is comfort eating. There could be other reasons too.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, a lot of people here have had similar experiences and can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 142995, member: 1991"] ON the subject of the bingeing and the fear of being deprived - my sister went through this with her adopted daughter. Even though my sister got her at 7 months old, she had already been in hospital a few times for malnutrition and it was obvious from the way the baby behaved, that she had never been cuddled. She would only drink a bottle of formula if it was given to her cold and in her cot. As she grew, she always craved all the attention and would have jealous rages if ANY attention went to her siblings. Doing well now, though. Married with her own kids, works in childcare. A lot of work, a lot of therapy, but she's thriving now. What sort of lies does she tell? How detailed? How obvious? What sort of reason? And how do you find out she is lying? I'm wondering, I have a few theories but I need more information. Something else that worries me - a lot of how you describe her sounds more like the phrasing of frustrated teachers than a parent. I'm wondering if you are seeing her so negatively because of what you are told about her, rather than just what you observe? I'm not meaning to sound critical of you, I've done the same thing myself. At first I found myself accepting the wisdom, experience and jargon of school staff and other professionals, and ignoring my own instincts. Once I started listening to my own inner voice and giving it more importance (while still not discounting what experts said) I found I had a better understanding of what made my kids tick. A strong point I want to make - kids do not choose to be bad. Kids in general would much prefer to get GOOD attention than negative attention. Even the class clown, the kid who seems to misbehave just to get a laugh out of the other kids, is doing it not for the attention but often to deflect attention from some other problem (sometimes because he can't read and doesn't want the teacher to find out). Somewhere there is a reason and it is stopping her from doing what she has in the past been capable of. She is frustrated, angry, afraid - and maybe other things too. And for a number of possible reasons, can't tell you. It's likely she doesn't know why herself. Any negative beliefs about her will be amplified by how she is feeling about herself. I suspect the junk food is comfort eating. There could be other reasons too. Hang in there, a lot of people here have had similar experiences and can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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