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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 183263" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>If SO is reacting because it was HIS $$$, than he is being very selfish and does not have difficult child's interest at heart. Sounds like he and difficult child do NOT get along and they are BOTH pushing each other's buttons and running to you when the fall out starts.</p><p> </p><p>SO like so many others does not understand that the normal disciplining does not work with difficult child's they just don't get it. Unplugging t.v. has nothing to do with stealing when done out of anger. SO is making this too personal - "You took MY $$$" is different than "You took $$$$, regardless of whose, you need to ......." And even if difficult child did take it because it was SO's, difficult child is a child and needs to learn that taking anything from anyone is wrong - he does not get in trouble just because it was SO's but because the action was wrong. </p><p> </p><p>Punishment for the sake of disciplining does not work - Disciplining for the sake of learning is the goal. Now how to get SO to see that?</p><p> </p><p>How old was difficult child when SO came into the picture? I know some couples keep the SO from disciplining for the purpose that it does come across way too harsh - it is like SO and difficult child are fighting for the male role in the house - SO wants to show his authority but needs to earn that respect which is hard when difficult child has already shut him out just because he has entered the house and will not give SO a chance to show they can get along?</p><p> </p><p>It is hard to get all adults in the house on the same page on discipline at times. difficult child has picked up that you and SO do not agree and that spurs his disrespect toward SO. You are in a vicious cycle.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, you need to get difficult child and SO comfortable with each other. Do more family events where they spend good times together. Ask SO to let you handle the disciplining for now until he gets the respect he needs from difficult child. Once difficult child likes him, he will not need to get angry so often.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry if I am way off base on this. So, if this does not fit your situation, no hard feelings in telling me so - it is just what I pick up from the little piece of the picture you have given - maybe if I saw more, I would have a different input.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 183263, member: 5096"] If SO is reacting because it was HIS $$$, than he is being very selfish and does not have difficult child's interest at heart. Sounds like he and difficult child do NOT get along and they are BOTH pushing each other's buttons and running to you when the fall out starts. SO like so many others does not understand that the normal disciplining does not work with difficult child's they just don't get it. Unplugging t.v. has nothing to do with stealing when done out of anger. SO is making this too personal - "You took MY $$$" is different than "You took $$$$, regardless of whose, you need to ......." And even if difficult child did take it because it was SO's, difficult child is a child and needs to learn that taking anything from anyone is wrong - he does not get in trouble just because it was SO's but because the action was wrong. Punishment for the sake of disciplining does not work - Disciplining for the sake of learning is the goal. Now how to get SO to see that? How old was difficult child when SO came into the picture? I know some couples keep the SO from disciplining for the purpose that it does come across way too harsh - it is like SO and difficult child are fighting for the male role in the house - SO wants to show his authority but needs to earn that respect which is hard when difficult child has already shut him out just because he has entered the house and will not give SO a chance to show they can get along? It is hard to get all adults in the house on the same page on discipline at times. difficult child has picked up that you and SO do not agree and that spurs his disrespect toward SO. You are in a vicious cycle. Somehow, you need to get difficult child and SO comfortable with each other. Do more family events where they spend good times together. Ask SO to let you handle the disciplining for now until he gets the respect he needs from difficult child. Once difficult child likes him, he will not need to get angry so often. I am sorry if I am way off base on this. So, if this does not fit your situation, no hard feelings in telling me so - it is just what I pick up from the little piece of the picture you have given - maybe if I saw more, I would have a different input. [/QUOTE]
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