Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Help!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 498823" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs))))) I know you are in a lot of pain right now and it is hard to figure out what the right thing to do it.</p><p></p><p>I am going to be blunt. NOT because I dont' like you and don't want the best for you. Just the opposite. I will be blunt because I DO want the very best for you and for yoru son.</p><p></p><p>Your son is NOT gaining anything healthy by living iwth you. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOME.</p><p></p><p>I totally agree he needs help, but you are not going to be able to get him to agree to get help until his life is so hard the way it is that he wants to change. You wanting him to change isn't enough. If you think he will kill himself, call 911. If the cops dont' think transport to a psychiatric hospital is right, defer to them - most are trained in how to handle this because they see a LOT of it. Find out what shelters are around you. If he isn't on bail, give him a lsit of shelters and tell him that he doesn't have to go to them but he can't stay there. In your home he has NO REASON to get clean, sober, get help if he is depressed, or do antyhing positive iwth his life. He beleives that you and husband will support him and go hide from him and give him the run of your home. You and husband have worked hard all your life and this is what you get? Don't settle for this. Don't let your fear of what might happen cripple your son any further. Letting him stay with you is keeping him from having to get help, from having to make changes. </p><p></p><p>I know you are scared. I think he is using that. If he is on bail, revoke it. It is the MOST LOVING THING YOU CAN DO. WHY? He iwll then be in jail where he cannot get the drugs he wants easily. They will supervise his detox so that he doesn't go cold turkey and have complications. He will have food. It won't be great, but he iwll be alive and getting some treatment. there will be people there who will not let him kill himself and who won't let him go on rampages. These are things that need to happen and you cannot do. I KNOW it will hurt to revoke his bail. But it won't hurt as bad as what you are living through now.</p><p></p><p>YOU need to start going to alanon meetings. Start with 7 in 7. Go to 7 meetings at all different times and places. Then go back to the ones you felt support in. If you don't liek them? Consider it medicine and go anyway. YOU NEED THIS.</p><p></p><p>If nothing else, go because addicts who have family members who get treatment are 30% more likely to stay in recovery. If he was in school and he would get 30% extra credit on a class if you went to a meeting once a week or seven times a week, you would probably go as often as you could because that would be a boost from a D (59%) to a high B (89%). This is his LIFE and 30% could be the boost to sobriety because you are going to meetings and workign your own steps. If you won't do it for you, do it for him.</p><p></p><p>You are willing to let him live with you, contribute NOTHING to your home and bills, eat your food, and make you hide in your bedroom. Please be willing to go to alanon meetings and work the steps and reclaim your life. That will push him to reclaim his own, and give him an example to follow. Kick him out and make him live with his choices. The doctor prescribed those medications TO YOU because your body needs them. If the dr finds out that difficult child is taking your medications, he will have to stop rxing them for you as long as difficult child has any access to them. I know you need your medications. I know you have problems and pain because difficult child takes them. Don't give them to him, don't let him have access to the house, and love yourself enough to report him for stealing your drugs the next time he takes them from you. Yes it is another legal problem. But he can get a public defender and he can serve his time for the crime. In jail he will have a roof that he won't if he is loose and you kick him out. Stealing your medications is a FELONY and it is ABUSE OF YOU. </p><p></p><p>You deserve better from him. He deserves better from you. Love him enough to make him feel the pain of his choices and addictions. Love him enough to say NO he cannot abuse you. You don't let someone you love hurt you this way. You love them enough to say no and to turn them in where they will get a supervised detox (jails have medical staff that supervises them as they detox which is FAR safer than having them do it at home. FAR FAR FAR safer.)</p><p></p><p>I agree that he needs treatment, but you have to love him enough and be strong enough to make him want it.</p><p></p><p>I want YOU to have the best. To have your medications, to not live in fear of what a kid would do. What would YOUR mom do if you did what difficult child does? Would she tolerate it for a second? Would she want that for you? Or would she want you to be strong and protect yoruself? You were HER baby, after all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 498823, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I know you are in a lot of pain right now and it is hard to figure out what the right thing to do it. I am going to be blunt. NOT because I dont' like you and don't want the best for you. Just the opposite. I will be blunt because I DO want the very best for you and for yoru son. Your son is NOT gaining anything healthy by living iwth you. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOME. I totally agree he needs help, but you are not going to be able to get him to agree to get help until his life is so hard the way it is that he wants to change. You wanting him to change isn't enough. If you think he will kill himself, call 911. If the cops dont' think transport to a psychiatric hospital is right, defer to them - most are trained in how to handle this because they see a LOT of it. Find out what shelters are around you. If he isn't on bail, give him a lsit of shelters and tell him that he doesn't have to go to them but he can't stay there. In your home he has NO REASON to get clean, sober, get help if he is depressed, or do antyhing positive iwth his life. He beleives that you and husband will support him and go hide from him and give him the run of your home. You and husband have worked hard all your life and this is what you get? Don't settle for this. Don't let your fear of what might happen cripple your son any further. Letting him stay with you is keeping him from having to get help, from having to make changes. I know you are scared. I think he is using that. If he is on bail, revoke it. It is the MOST LOVING THING YOU CAN DO. WHY? He iwll then be in jail where he cannot get the drugs he wants easily. They will supervise his detox so that he doesn't go cold turkey and have complications. He will have food. It won't be great, but he iwll be alive and getting some treatment. there will be people there who will not let him kill himself and who won't let him go on rampages. These are things that need to happen and you cannot do. I KNOW it will hurt to revoke his bail. But it won't hurt as bad as what you are living through now. YOU need to start going to alanon meetings. Start with 7 in 7. Go to 7 meetings at all different times and places. Then go back to the ones you felt support in. If you don't liek them? Consider it medicine and go anyway. YOU NEED THIS. If nothing else, go because addicts who have family members who get treatment are 30% more likely to stay in recovery. If he was in school and he would get 30% extra credit on a class if you went to a meeting once a week or seven times a week, you would probably go as often as you could because that would be a boost from a D (59%) to a high B (89%). This is his LIFE and 30% could be the boost to sobriety because you are going to meetings and workign your own steps. If you won't do it for you, do it for him. You are willing to let him live with you, contribute NOTHING to your home and bills, eat your food, and make you hide in your bedroom. Please be willing to go to alanon meetings and work the steps and reclaim your life. That will push him to reclaim his own, and give him an example to follow. Kick him out and make him live with his choices. The doctor prescribed those medications TO YOU because your body needs them. If the dr finds out that difficult child is taking your medications, he will have to stop rxing them for you as long as difficult child has any access to them. I know you need your medications. I know you have problems and pain because difficult child takes them. Don't give them to him, don't let him have access to the house, and love yourself enough to report him for stealing your drugs the next time he takes them from you. Yes it is another legal problem. But he can get a public defender and he can serve his time for the crime. In jail he will have a roof that he won't if he is loose and you kick him out. Stealing your medications is a FELONY and it is ABUSE OF YOU. You deserve better from him. He deserves better from you. Love him enough to make him feel the pain of his choices and addictions. Love him enough to say NO he cannot abuse you. You don't let someone you love hurt you this way. You love them enough to say no and to turn them in where they will get a supervised detox (jails have medical staff that supervises them as they detox which is FAR safer than having them do it at home. FAR FAR FAR safer.) I agree that he needs treatment, but you have to love him enough and be strong enough to make him want it. I want YOU to have the best. To have your medications, to not live in fear of what a kid would do. What would YOUR mom do if you did what difficult child does? Would she tolerate it for a second? Would she want that for you? Or would she want you to be strong and protect yoruself? You were HER baby, after all. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Help!
Top